What exactly do you want from your gay relationship? Is what you currently have what you always dreamed of? If no, then where is it falling short? These are the initial tough questions you and your partner need to grapple with.
Draw up a hierarchy of your needs. Where does your relationship feature alongside work, family, hobbies, and friends? If you could hold on to only one thing in life, what would that be?
Effective communication is the key to the success of any gay relationship. You need to explore the how and why of talking together. Are you sharing your experiences and feelings as often as you used to – or have those awkward silences started to creep in?
Then there’s the big question: when did you last tell your partner that you loved him? Or even still fancied him? But communication is not just about words – it’s about body language and the little ways you make one another feel comfortable and secure. How much of this is still happening?
Sex is a huge thing in a gay relationship – and when both the quality and quantity start to deteriorate; it’s a sure sign of trouble. But you also need to face facts: as both you and your relationship age, you’re not necessarily going to be playing hide the salami 24/7 like a horny teenager.
But that doesn’t mean you should give up. You urgently need to address the sex question. Try expanding your repertoire by getting kinky (look at our sister site Fetish.com for plenty of hot inspiration). Again, it all comes back to communication: share your likes, dislikes and utterly depraved fantasies with one another.
Sex is a big deal in gay relationships, make sure you're both being satisfied!
We all know that modern lives are insanely busy – but has this meant that the time you invest in your gay relationship has started to slide? Who are you spending the most time with - your partner or your boss? And when you do finally have a free moment, do you prefer to spend it alone?
Take a close look at the things you do with your partner. Who makes the decisions? It’s time to seriously rate the mutual enjoyment factor – which brings us on to our next essential piece of relationship advice…
Just how much does this relationship satisfy your needs? Are you frequently being pushed into situations that you don’t like? Learning to identify passive-aggressive behaviour in a gay relationship is the easy part. Acting in response to it, and boldly outlining what is and what is not acceptable, takes courage – but is essential if both the relationship and your sense of self is going to survive.
If you’re constantly being belittled, patronised or outright insulted in front of friends, you need to address those issues of toxicity at once. Less MOT and more scrap yard scenario.
Is he for keeps?
Once you’ve thoroughly and brutally weighed up all of the above, you’re in the right place to make that final assessment of your gay relationship.
The ultimate question: Is he for keeps or not? Look at the great things you have together; those that need work and then balance these against both of your expectations for the future. It all comes down to what a gay relationship means to you.
Be fiercely honest about what parts need de-rusting. Only once you’ve established that you’ve got a robust chassis can you brace yourself for the crazy, ever-bending race of love that lies ahead.
What regular checkups do you carry out to make sure your relationship is working? Let us know in the comments below or hit gays.com dating to find a partner to play with.
Images: Model Released @ Shutterstock
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