The first rule to surviving Christmas is to keep things in perspective. Christmas is just one day in the year. Don’t get over stressed about it.
What’s there to love about Christmas? The enforced jollification at an exorbitant price. The sales with the parades of naff, flatulent straights who’ve spent days gorging themselves as they smile demurely and pretend they don’t loathe one another. It’s all faker than Melania Trump’s lips. Bah Humbug! Chill out, and you’re on your way to having an easier time already.
Simply put on your best fake smile and drink up!
Being the fairy on top of the Christmas tree can be lonely. Even still, year upon year many of us gay men are hoodwinked into spending the season with people who don’t get us. Anxiety, cold stares and blazing arguments frequently follow. If you can’t find an excuse to get out of it, how can you survive Christmas as a gay man?
The first challenge is how to deal with the conservative or plain old bigoted family members? We all have them! Other than reaching for industrial quantities of Valium, what can gay men do?
Avoiding lame jokes about stuffing while chopping up the turkey should be a given. Wrapping ‘special’ gifts for homophobic relatives is certainly a temptation but is perhaps best avoided. Having said that, the look on that homophobic uncle’s face as you pass a flashing cock ring off as just another tree decoration could well be worth it.
However, the best advice is probably just to grin and bear it as auntie Nora starts droning on about how marriage is between a man and a woman. And then remind yourself that she probably hasn’t had an orgasm since 1965.
Yep, we hear ya!
Ok, so you can’t get out of the annual family misery fest that is Christmas day. You’re bracing yourself for the usual alcohol-induced assassination or character and morals. You have the family sized prescription for anti-depressants ready by Christmas day. Go along, get it over with, and then make your excuses and leave. Us gay men should always strictly limit Christmas family time.
Spending Christmas day all alone may well sound like a great idea. It’s one sure-fire way for gay men to get away from unwanted family. But no matter how many box-sets you’ve got lined up, there will come a moment where you feel excruciatingly lonely – and single. Don’t do it.
It was writer Armistead Maupin who drew the distinction, for gay men, between biological family and logical family. Logical family are the friends that gay men choose to be family. They are your gay family. Why not spend Christmas with them?
Have yourself a fabulous gay family christmas instead!
Plan a truly fabulous alternative Christmas with your gay family. Carbs galore, a box set of Dynasty, sambuca-fuelled Queens’ Christmas speeches, and a blue fright wig stolen from a particularly venomous drag queen are just a few ideas. Be inventive and be outrageous.
Whatever you plan for your alternative Christmas day, it’s going to be better than awkward conversation over mushy brussels sprouts with uncle Brian about everything from the state of the economy to his prolapsed bowel.
Christmas brings so many expectations, is it any wonder that we end up disappointed? Many of these expectations just don’t sit well with the alternative lifestyles that gay men have created.
The secret to a truly gay Christmas is choosing what works for you. Listen to your gut instinct. If you know spending too much time with your family could lead to a nervous breakdown then don’t do it. Prioritise your gay family.
In an ideal world perhaps we would combine our biological family with our logical, gay family. And some of us are now able to do that. People are becoming more tolerant. Attitudes change over time, and your lovely church-going mother may well yet surprise you.
Looking for the perfect guy to fill your Christmas stocking this year? Join Gays.com for free and see what comes down your chimney.
Image credits: Kevin Dooley and Elvert Barnes. Flickr Creative Commons
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