Te**** Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I have been on this site for a few. Participate and respond to discussions on a pretty regular bases. One disturbing fact that I have noticed is the lack of interacial couples in our (state side) lesbian community. I won't even get started on the femme on femme trend. Being brown and of mixed decent,I find this troubeling. It is a status not so obvious on Straight or gay male sites. What does this say about us? I love women, on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. but being limited because of these preferences that my parents faced, and ignored 40-50 years ago says some very negative things about the progression of our lesbian community. No one wants to be judged on WHAT they are, but WHO they are.
Ti**** Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Oh honey, I think you are beautiful people. I think ALL women are beautiful despite what color they are. I personally have never been with a "brown" woman or black woman that doesn't say that I wouldn't. People are people and people are beautiful. However, I think some people do just have preferences. Not prejudiced, but preferences in race. Or maybe they didn't grow up with black people and they aren't used to seeing them. That is sort of how it is for me. There was not one black person in my town growing up. They just didn't exist in my town and honestly didn't see one until I was 16 years old. I grew up in a small Indian reservation-like town in Canada. The African population was very limited in the small towns in Canada all together really. But for me. If I met a woman and fell in love with her, it wouldn't have anything to do with her skin color. I'm just not used to seeing them so my attraction isn't directly at them. I'm not prejudiced its just where i come from. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Deleted Member Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I agree with Tina, It's not about color it's more about preference and interest we have with other women. When i meet women I don't see color, if we have something in common to talk about...That's a good start.
Te**** Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Thank you for compliment and ur honest response. Wow so, if a person is only comfortable with what they are used to, even in this community; they wont 'branch out'? I can't tell u how many drop dead beautiful (mostly femmes) from large cities who out rt ignore winks, friend request or any contact from someone w/my appearance. If you look at there friends list or who they are in a relationship with, they are all fair skined, femme women. When did we become worse (in diversity) than our straight fore-parents? I know 90% of those women (most r from USA) will ignore this post. but it is the ones who face up to reality that our small culture has this HUGE issue that I want to hear from. Try to understand why this is. It is hard enough being lez.
Deleted Member Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 In my country, and also in my experience, it's not the colour someone has, but their culture. For example, we have a lot of muslims in our country, way more than any other foreign culture that we have. With muslims the chances are big that they're not tolerant, let alone accepted. That's usually why I steer clear of certain foreigners that don't seem too adapted/tolerant. But if the only difference is the colour, then I don't see a barrier. I don't know what it's like in America, I take it the culture different, if any, isn't as big as here, which is why colour should not make any difference. Hope you get my point.
Ti**** Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 no thats not what i meant what they are used to. I might have said that wrong. I feel like it is a matter of preference. Like: Some women "prefer" Butch women to Femme women. Same preference really for race in my opinion. I NATURALLY or NORMALLY prefer women of my own race, however, that does not mean i wouldn't date a black woman just because shes black. It is same as that i really only date femme women. That is my preference however my ex is a not a femme lesbian. So my "preferences' do vary somewhat but usually I stick pretty close to my preferences. I dont think it is a matter of any prejudices going around in the gay community at all, I think it is preferences of each of us that mold ultimately whether or not we are attracted to ANYONE of the same sex really.
Deleted Member Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I can only speak from my own experiences and personal preference, but I tend to seek out women that are like me or more femme. When I say like me, I'm not only referring to personality, but also the same features such as brown hair and brown eyes. Not to say I wouldn't go out with a blonde, I would. However based on my past gfs, most of them have looked very similiar to myself and nearly all of them are hispanic so culture plays a big part. Btw, I did have a short-term relationship with a woman of mixed race (white mother, black father). So don't discount sheer attraction.
Te**** Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Wow the honesty is appreciated! Woman such as myself are often left on the outside. In the straight community, I have NO problem attracting males of all races and religions. But F***, I'm gay!! I was made this way. Not a choice. None of us can be expected to *** ourselves to be attracted to someone. There are some women that I am just not attracted 2. Although I admit I have dated some women because the type I go for, refused to consider me due to my characteristics.Some call it setteling, I call it practicing what I preach, and expanding my horizions. Unfortunately our self limitations have fragmented our community, lowered some "outsiders" self esteem and self preception.
Deleted Member Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 You just need to be your best, in all aspects. If you love yourself, others will naturally be drawn to you... your confidence and everything else.
Deleted Member Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I lived in a small town, but moved out after graduation and into the Air *** and meeting many womaen and finding many women more appealing to me than just from my small town. There are so many interesting appealing women out there than ever before.
Te**** Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Before I moved to AZ, My 'view " of myself was very high and it showed in everything I did. My confidence was also very high. After living here and experiancing the lez community (in and around the Southwest) I can now empathize with women, who do not have the gift of being firmly grounded in who they are. I am comfortable with my appearance, spiritual & emotional state of being. It is just sad that a community that is already stigmatized chooses to make their own feel unwanted and ignored. Oh well, enough pondering y the community is the way it is. I can only regulate me and treat others as THEY would like to be treated. Cause down the line; tolerance, acceptance and keeping an open mind, is all that matters.
Deleted Member Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I think love knows no color and yes the basic laws of attraction apply but I think confidence goes a very long way and the more you love yourself the more others will love you too but everyone is going to have their preference and at the end of the day its not les community... at least not here in my part of the world
Sa**** Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 ok i am bi am not lez but i been going for girl more then guys right know so here i go.when growing but an atfer i know i was bi i naver like a black woman but in the last ew month staring with one black girl i open my mind that i will date anyone the has what i am looking for in them.it dont matter what the color they are or what they look like its who they are that matter.but i do have type i do for as in how tall they are an how big they are but other then that i dont cure
Deleted Member Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 there is something in a way when i meet a woman who gives off something when i meet her, or the way she might move or talk and these are some things i can just see or see when I am around a woman to start off with that can attract me and it has nothing to do with color or race. i can listen to someone on the phone and listen to her talk and her and find her attractive and feel the sparks after we have talked and gotten to know each other with no barriers.
Jeanie_Baker Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I was raised by a European mother who had prejudices against her. People either loved her accent or they hated her. So I was raised to appreciate everyone and not look at their skin. I have had the best friends of mine as a young girl actually be african amercians, or latinos. They have been real to me and warm opposed to girls who lived around me and were too faced white bitches. Then I had some friends too that were real and white and sweet girls too. We have a melting pot that lives around here now that includes Mexican, Russian, Asian, and we have a pretty open community for the most part except I do not see a lot of gays and when I have I have seen them out in the open they tend to be mixed racial gays, and the few white gay couples I see tend to be very reserved and quiet, but no one around here I see anyway show prejudice to anyone and I think that is pretty neat. We do not have threats from gangs or groups that are territorial either and I guess because its a midsize city or because we get quite a few people that are tourist here maybe that is why we are more accepting, I don't know. So being raised around to all kinds of people and living in a melting pot community has helped me not make any particular preference. It's whoever I connect to and can feel comfortable with.
Dy**** Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Preference is preference but i understand what you are saying I am mixed with native americain, but my parents mostly are black so it seems I was only alowd to dat africian americians, personally I dont care. In the past I really only dated in my race because it was easier and I was jst not worried that hard about it, but now seeing that I am in a same sex relationship I'm like why not I already crossed one issue why not another. But on the other hand I am beganing to understand why my parents pushed prefered me to stay in my race. Even though Black men seem to be dogs you dont have to worry about culture issues My girl friend is Mexicain and at the moment I am stayin with them and it is hard. I dont speak spanish and although my girl, and her brother does her parents dont speak much. So I canstantly feel out of the loop (until she translates...Which she does as soon as she realized I have no idea whats going on). On top of feeling out of the loop theres parinoia that kicks in when you really have no idea what people are saying. Or when there actions make no sense. Then theres the culture. I miss Nigga music and sould food and a bbq, Friendly people and small talk, lol But for me the hardest part is listening to my girl show me all the important land marks from her child hood and realize that I will never be able to show my kids, the park were I got in my first fight, the schools I when to, my favorite teachers, or the hardest thing to grasp is I want be able to take the kids sledding thats a hard one
Deleted Member Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I agree with Amber be confident with who you are and what you want and others will follow
Brianne_Cowfer Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I am 100% white and Im dating a half black girl and couldnt be happier. My family doesnt like it but screw what they think!
Deleted Member Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I'm dating Dominique and I'm white and shes black and native and I have no issue with it nor does my family or hers. We care about each other and are happy together and thats all that matters to us and to our families. Be confident that you dont wanna be liked by someone that would not look past your skin to see who you really are.
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