Does sex really ruin relationships?! - Looking for LOVE!!!

[Raul_Gon]

I have had sex while i was in loev and it feels amazing. Its a totally different emotional connection. But thats only been with one guy. I love sex and look at it as something normal like eating and sleeping as long as its done right and safe so i tend to get in a relationship and have sex really fast. Those relationships dont work out...i mean the sex was great but we never connect on a deeper level. Was it the fact that we had sex too fast or were we just two different people only physically attracted tot the other and thats it? This has happened more than one time.

[Da****]

I agree. I've never understood people who are in to anonymous sex. I guess it's just a matter of where you're cuming from; single and looking or married and cheating. One thing, however, the longer I know someone without having sex with them, the harder it is to be comfortable sexually with them.

[Deleted Member]

Good points.. I can't speak from experience but it seems to me we are attracted to each other initially on a physical level, and only later develop love for them in a relationship.. in other words Lust at First Sight, not love - love comes with familiarity and appreciation for the things you can only learn about a person with time. So to me it's no wonder so many people get to the sex so fast, without entering into an emotional relationship with that person except in the rare cases where they're compatible that way.

[Raul_Gon]

So does not having sex right away really help the relationship grow emotionally?

[Deleted Member]

Good question. I'll let someone with more experience answer that, if it can be answered for everybody.

[Ro****]

I can't speak much from the perspective of male relationships(I'm bi), but I can say that sex does ruin relationships in my opinion if you go there too soon. I like to think of it as something you build up to. usually if I have sex too fast, the relationship starts off explosive, but starts to fizzle as we both get bored with each other. Just my opinion though.

[Deleted Member]

I would think if you were both looking for a LTR you would work toward that - expecting to get 'bored' with one another but still developing your relationship in other ways so that it doesnt completely depend on the sex - but if you're only looking for a relationship that stays hot in the sexual department, you might never find a LTR because everyone gets bored with the routine eventually, no?
I guess it's just 2 different approaches to the same problem

[Raul_Gon]

its confusing because i cant understand how sex can affect how people feel if its done too fast kus if you think about it, when having sex with somebody really fast there is no emotional conection there making it just simple fun sex..how does that affect someones emotions when there is no emotions YET. i might be confusing you guys lol its just hard to wrap my mind around it.

[Deleted Member]

Yes it is confusing! Well I know at least that some guys can't separate sex from emotions, other can.. that's the diff between people looking for a sexually compatible LTR and those who sleep around with no strings, whether they're in a relationship or not. I'm in the former camp, I think.

[Raul_Gon]

yeah i guess i cant understand people who seperate sex from emotions kus i guess i can...i guess it just depends on the person. some people view sex different than others....some people valued their virginity and others not as much....mm interesting lol

[Ro****]

I guess I fall into the former category myself as well, to an extent. I don't deal well with the idea of sex without some kind of emotion being there because it means there's no connection there. It just seems like it lacks a certain intimacy to me, and that's what makes it worthwhile in my opinion. So, I guess in the back of my mind, I'm always aware of that lack of emotion that started off in relationships where we had sex too fast and I just can't get myself too interested in the other person at that point. Sorry if that seems a bit confusing, just my take on the matter.

[Deleted Member]

Makes sense.

[Deleted Member]

Yes,the point was discussed that u had sex too early....Having sex early in a realationship doesn't help it grow emotionally,because u jump at the most personal thing between two right away which then diffuses the urge to connect mentally because at last u'd come to sex but u r already there so ur mind start taking it for granted and the realtionship fizzles out.sex is never a key to establish love...it's the most memorable thing to have while in love but only if u're so much into each other.otherwise it's just a Fucking exercise.u Fuck whores but dont fall in love with them.this is the reason.Lets make our relationships more stronger then that.starting with mutual understanding and and emotional connection.
This is how i believe it is.Hope it helps....

[Da****]

Right on, you said it perfectly!

[Deleted Member]

Ok, I'm not denying anything you guys say, but let me take this from a different angle: would you not inevitably connect anyway, with the person who was right for you, with or without right-away sex? Also, are you sure you're not just thinking about whores, guys who just like to have sex with no emotional connection? Is it always the case that guys who have sex right off the bat are just looking for sex and not intending to develop a relationship after? Because it seems to me, if you met 'Mr Right', you would feel an urge to have sex right away, and I dont understand why this would ruin it.. I guess it would if you needed to put time/effort into exploring the relationship to find out if indeed he is Mr Right, but then we're back to that Love at First Sight discussion!

[Deleted Member]

Simply,yeah for me.....u can always have sex in a relationship but right off the bat would show your physical attraction towards a person,which is not something Love or close.You can then give each other time to make the relationship bloom.I believe this strategy is less attractive for me.coz sex is not the ultimate "test" to see if the person is Mr Right.so it depends what kind of relationship u want.In a long lasting relationship,having mental investment and then proceed would be Perfect way.coz sex thereafter would be unlike anything u do at the first sight.it would be memorable.......

[Deleted Member]

No, I wouldnt think sex would be the ultimate test of Mr Right, but every relationship seems to require sex.. I don't know if you could call it a relationship (other than a friendship or whatever) if there was no sex. My only point was in trying to find out why sex 'too soon' would spoil the development of a relationship, supposing that person was right for you anyway, what does it matter when the sex comes?

[Deleted Member]

That's my point,that it matters in a way the relationship would turn out.it shouldn't come at very start,thats what I believe.Ofcourse sex is a part of a relationship n i never denied its importance.But too early,yes it would spoil...think if in every relationship u would start with sex n then realize relationship is not wrking, then starts a new one.This would turn out to be a "sex excercise" as oppose to a real working relationship.u would end up having sex with all and caring or emotional for none.I would never prefer that.
for me sex is something personal and integral and needs to be experienced with a person im comfortable and mentally interested in,instead of having sex at first night and realizing "oh! he/she was a douche...."
that would effect my personal respect for myself.

[Deleted Member]

So you think that sex too soon would ruin it even with the man who was 'meant for you' (if there is such a thing - another question)?
How soon is too soon?

[Deleted Member]

Good Question....!!!
there r never a definition in a relationship...We define it and we live it,It subjects to our realities.Soon,depends entirely on you.But if I have to generalize it,It is when you know each other and understand each other.Before that,it's Soon....