University is often a time for teenagers or twenty-somethings to experiment; as an age group that haven’t lived away from home before, the world is pretty much their oyster. And I’m not just talking about sexual experiences. The opportunities to drink, stay up all night, and get into all sorts of More… situations (and quite often trouble) grow by the day.
But when sex does come into the equation, things aren’t that different either. As a gay female student with a lot of other female friends, I’m often the secret-keeper and agony aunt of the group… and you’d be amazed at the secrets I’m sworn to keeping.Just a drunken kiss?
Recently I’ve found out that while a lot of girls are open to a drunken kiss with their friends on a Saturday night, there could be a bit more behind it, as they have also previously been open to a bit of sexual experimentation, too. So, to test this, I set up a survey and spread it across a variety of online spaces, asking heterosexual females (aged 18-26) to anonymously reveal if they’d ever found themselves attracted to another girl or ever had some same-sex hanky panky.
The conclusion? Over half (59.2%) answered that they’d kissed another girl (and not just a vodka-fuelled snog with their best mate), with many (44.9%) having had sex with another girl. But would they do it again? Most likely… (39% said ‘yes’). Well, women are amazing after all.Suzie’s survey showed that ‘straight’ women have even tried threesomes with each other!Lesbian experimentation or the real deal?
Having had many a heart-to-heart with friends of mine, several have revealed their stories of momentary lesbianism. From the ‘I was seeing if it was for me’ to the ‘I thought I could be bisexual…’ scenario. A few had had sex with their best (female) friends to see if they were ‘into’ the ‘whole gay thing’, with a couple having had threesomes to just ‘make sure’ (of course).
But what if it wasn’t just about a cheeky one-night stand of experimentation? If they found themselves attracted to the same gender, most of my respondees (52%) would consider their sexuality but ignore it, with slightly less (28%) taking action upon their feelings. Even fewer (20%) said they would ignore it completely.Same-sex experiences among women growingA survey by Pink News shows that four times as many women now admit to having same-sex experiences in comparison to women 20 years ago, while the statistic of men reporting same-sex experiences in that period has hardly changed. In the article Professor Kaye Wellings states: “Whilst same-sex experiences have remained relatively constant among men, it has increased markedly among women. Although a minority of women have reported sexual experiences with another woman, that proportion increased from 4% in 1990 to 16% in 2010 and 2012.”
This study shows that many more women (than men) are open to sexual experiences with other women, and have even been branded ‘flexi-sexual’. Homosexuals are gradually gaining the rights they should automatically have (to have the right to be legally gay in your country is a no-brainer, and same-sex marriage, er, hello, yes, we would like to get married too.)Are women just being more honest now?
So maybe we’re feeling more relaxed than we did ‘back when.’ In 1990, 4% of women claimed they had experimented with another female and it has since shot up to 16% in 2010. So who knows the exact statistics now? Or maybe more women are just being honest about sexual experiences compared to 20 years ago as homosexuality is more tolerated and accepted? Saying that, why would 20% of my respondees want to hide these things? That’s my next question.Suzie’s survey shows that some ‘straight’ women question their sexuality after a same-sex experience
Why do we feel the need to hide our feelings? Are we afraid to ‘out’ ourselves to friends and family and then change our minds? What if it’s just a fling, and we’ve already told the world we’re gay? Nobody cares. Well, they shouldn’t anyway. What different does it make as to what gender you go to bed with? The sexual orientation label does not change us as people, and many people really need to start realising that. •

Love 'em or hate 'em, we use labels all the time – and other people make judgements based on them. So, how do you label your other half when you mention them? Are you ambiguous and use ‘partner’ when you’re chatting with people who don’t know your sexuality? Or do you shout it from the rooftops and More… make it obvious that you’re gay and attached at any given opp?
In a same-sex relationship we tend to stick to ‘partner’ or ‘other half’ or even ‘the ball and chain’ if the shoe fits. Is this simply because we feel like we’re back in the playground if we say girl/boyfriend? And while they say your school years are your best, I’ll happily disagree.
Maybe it just depends who we’re talking to, as I remember quite clearly mentioning my ‘other half’ (something which makes me sound like I’ve been married 50 years…) to a lecturer of mine when she asked if I had someone “back at home.” While I know my reason at the time was to avoid outing myself, I think I did pretty much that by avoiding using the words ‘boy/girlfriend’ or any other label. It felt like I was coming out all over again, and while she was professional and waited until I had to say ‘he’ or ‘she’, I was making things harder for myself.
When terms are used that can refer to either sex, what do you assume? There’s no need to rub my sexuality in people’s faces, and while I know that wouldn’t be my intention, others may think I’m someone that goes shouting from the rooftops when I mention my girlfriend.‘I’m gay, gay, GAAAAAAAAAAAAY!’
I vividly remember sitting in my university library with a friend of mine when a girl from my course decided to tell me a back history of her and her wonderful boyfriend, before turning to me and saying “you have a girlfriend, don’t you?” Before I could reply, she continued: “I looked at your photos and was trying to figure out which one she was.” Oh good, I thought, she’s not only annoying as hell but a cyber-stalker too. Lucky me. And I’m considered the butch-ier one of the relationship, so it would have taken her a while to decide which out of my girly friends was more than a mate.
It’s a bit like ignoring a typo in an email when someone continues to mention your boyfriend you didn’t specify you had in a conversation: if you don’t wear your ‘I love my girlfriend’ cap all the time, you’re presumed heterosexual. Unless you’re in dungarees, have a buzz cut and have a Sue Perkins banner in your arms, then you’re so obviously queer they really won’t need to ask, nor mention your boyfriend ever again… •