We’ve all met them: the gay guys who are obsessed with straight – or straight acting – men. But what happens when they embark upon an affair with them? Gays.com looks at the pitfalls.


1. Coming out: are you both on the same page?

Ask all gay guys, and they’ll tell you the same: coming out is tough – and an ongoing process. It takes guts and risk – even in these more enlightened times. The allure of the ‘straight acting’ man may seem irresistible, but just how ‘straight’ is he? The clue is in the word ‘acting’. 

Is your relationship no more than just another act? Moreover, are you prepared to embark upon a long and potentially agonising masquerade with someone who has no intention of coming out? Are your man’s intentions honourable? Establish that from the outset.

2. Relationship or affair?

Don’t delude yourself: meaningful relationships and sordid affairs are very different beasts. Gay guys need to ask themselves just how much intimacy they’re getting from their straight acting bloke. And trust? And emotional support? You know, all those things that make living in this brutal, crazy world a little more endurable. 

If you feel that you’re just being used as a dildo or a vessel to be pummelled when he has a gap in his diary, then that is probably the case. Gay guys who fool themselves for too long end up drowning in a quagmire of shame – and, guess what, your straight acting ‘other half’ probably has enough shame of his own without taking on yours.

3. Gays guys as practice runs

Therapists charge to sort out your shit. But gay guys into straight acting men are in the wrong trade. They’re giving their arse and affection away with all the zeal of a permanent boxing day sale. 

Stop thinking you’re going to change him. If he’s going through a phase, that is his issue. Accept it for what it is – or walk away. Stop trying to write the next great romance of the century. Keep a tally of the straight acting guy’s broken promises and weigh it up against your withering self-respect. You’ll soon have your answer.

Two men having an affair
Accept it for what it is – or walk away.

4. Straight acting men and secrets

We're all drawn to secrets – and many gay guys certainly love the whiff of scandal and all the drama that comes with it.  But illicit pump 'n dumps come with consequences if you don’t have an open dialogue about the future. Being little more than a long-term secret can ultimately make you feel as disposable as the condom he whips off his straight acting schlong the moment you’ve been filled up like a third-hand old banger. 

And – brace yourself for this one – you’re not the only one who could be hurt here. Stop being a selfish queen. That wife and kids of his also have a right to happiness. The fallout from this torrid escapade could be emotional Armageddon for more than just your pretty face.


5. Gays guys who are backseat drivers

Just how much steer do gay guys have on this so-called relationship with the mythical straight acting hunk? Who is calling the shots here? Take a long hard look at who makes the plans – and who repeatedly breaks them. 

Gay guys fight to come out of the closet. By cutting out those public displays of affection, you risk being dragged back into that closet. How much of your life do you share with your man? Has he ever shown any interest in hearing about – let alone meeting – your friends? Think on, girl-friend!


6. Long-term damage

Gay guys who enter into ongoing arrangements with straight acting men need to consider the long-term impact the experience will have. If you finally wake up to the fact that you’ve been tossed away like an over-used cum rag, then you may be less inclined to trust other, better men in the future. 

How has this ever-so-exciting experience with Mr Straight Acting left you feeling? Have your romantic dreams dried and flaked away like the spunk he shoots onto your chest when he’s done gurning at you? Be warned: the emotional effects of an unhealthy relationship can be lasting – and devastating. Gay guys, know what you’re getting into – and how to get out of it. But, above all, remember that you should never have to settle for anything less than the best!

Are you having (or have had) an affair with a straight guy? Share your experiences with others in the Gays.com forum.

Start up a convo in the Gays.com forum!

Images: shutterstock.com 



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Very emotional  to read for someone  situation in similar situation, 

Felt the article is single sided , showed nothing but scaremongering of a relationship with some who is in the closest - straight acting.

Although it talked about pitfalls and so not having them implies healthy relationship, the article didn't give  similar clarity  on recognising healthy  relationship, it didn't talk to the other person in the relationship, maybe this needs a separate article.

In my personal case, it was a harsh article, but it did confirm my feelings for the gay man in my life, that is I really care about him, that I really have feeling for him and that I am good for him, which is something always troubled me when I comparing myself to his ex relationships and encounters, where being out not necessarily the key thing to a successful a relationship with a gay  man .


The article should have talked about pitfalls and indicators of a healthy successful relationship and not box relationship in into clear defined boxes  ( have to be out to have a relationship)as this approach wasn't successful with humans sexuality, so why someone  would  think it can  be successful in  defining relationships 


One last comment on style of writing, maybe simpler language can help in increasing accessibility for the Article  

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