Jealousy within a relationship can be a killer. How can you challenge and survive it? We have some rules to follow for beating jealousy in relationships and keeping the big green monster at bay.


Beating jealousy rule 1: examine your triggers

You need to start with a probing analysis. Only this way can you keep your jealousy in perspective and stop it galloping away to an unmitigated disaster. What are the triggers that are making you jealous? 

Then the tough questions start: just how strong is your relationship? Is it built on solid values like trust, love and respect? And, crucially, are you both living those values, or are things too one-sided? Beating jealousy in a relationship starts with recognising when and how all those toxic emotions start mangling your wiring. 

Beating jealousy rule 2: manage your fears

What exactly is it you are afraid of? When you boil this right down it usually comes back to a fear of losing him. He’s going to run off with that hot but brainless himbo you met at his work party or some other sordid slice of sluttery. 

Keep things in check and don’t catastrophize. Just because he admired the delivery boy’s biceps doesn’t mean he’s passing his hole off as an Amazon dumpster for the entire neighbourhood.

Beating jealousy rule 3: focus on what you can control

Ultimately, you’re going to have to let go of the things you can’t control. Beating jealousy means accepting that the truly awful may happen - and you can’t stop it. In the worst-case scenario, he may well desert you in the most shameful and degrading fashion possible. And if that happens all you can do is control how you react to it. You will survive.  

But, again, keep things in perspective. What is the probability of your worries coming true? Examine the evidence. Most probably you’re indulging in an ample dose of mind-reading, predicting and doom-laden thinking. Get a grip, for if there’s one thing that is guaranteed to drive him away, it’s a hysterical queen going all neurotic diva on his ass.

Two gay men in bed with one acting in a jealous way
Focus on what you can control and let go of the things you can't. 

Beating jealousy rule 4: adjust your settings

Time for more challenging questions. What is driving your jealousy? Do you have a healthy opinion of yourself? Is your self-esteem on a downward spiral? Beating jealousy means focusing on the great things you give him in your relationship. Concentrate on the special times you’ve spent together, the memories that you’ve created. 

Beating jealousy rule 5: don’t get into games

The absolute worst thing you can do in beating jealousy is to get into the realms of pathetic little mind games. You’re jealous, so you decide to make him jealous by practically lobbing your ring at anything male with a pulse which passes you both by on your Sunday stroll at the local farmer’s market. Forget it. You’re bigger than this. Moreover, these kinds of childish shenanigans will lead to nothing more than prolonged mutual humiliation. 

Beating jealousy rule 6: give him more freedom

This is not going to come easy, but it will pay enormous dividends – one way or another. Beating jealousy means doing the opposite of what makes you feel comfortable. If you’re convinced those work ‘team building’ exercises he’s spending his late nights at are nothing more than boisterous bukkake bonanzas, then extend the leash. Let him stay out as late as he likes. Permit him to go away for entire weekends. 

The truth will eventually out – it always does – no matter what you do. So why not take the higher ground and invest your relationship with some trust and respect? Both he and your relationship will thank you for it. 

However, if it should later transpire that he has abused your trust and had more pricks in him than a pin cushion down the women’s guild, you’re entirely within your rights to exact a singularly calculating and vile revenge, film it and then broadcast it all over social media. And he knows that, so is unlikely to cross you. 


Beating jealousy rule 7: accept reality – and let it go

Perhaps the most important rule of them all: stop comparing yourself with others. In the gay male world, this is the ultimate mental torture. There will always be someone (allegedly) hotter, bigger and richer than you. Stop putting yourself through the emotional wringer. 

We’re swamped with images of the ‘perfect’ body. Filter them out and concentrate on what you’ve got. It was what attracted him to you in the first place, so hold on to that. Remind yourself of the things he said he loves about you. Big yourself up and stop diminishing your many positives. Self-confidence is a massive turn on.

Have you been the jealous monster in a relationship? Or were you on the receiving end of someone's jealousy? How did it all turn out? Share in the comments below or in the forum.  Sign up is free!  

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