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Love is... or is not. - Looking for LOVE!!!


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Forgive the subject, but this is a nightmare for me.

I have a wonderful partner who I have been with for over 7 years. Our first year together was great... no problems. At the start of year two, we had our first tiny little disagreement (he was caught with his trousers and pants down.... literally!).

He has run off, away from home (even tho he owns the house) several times... which has led me to calling in the Police as we (me and his family) always worry in case he's hurt. Problem there? He always turns back up when the law are out there looking for him!

Last Christmas and New Year, I was alone.... very, very alone. He had gone missing again prior to Christmas and I was alone until well after the New Year. I know what you're thinking... "You should have left" but it's not that easy for me. I have been through so much grief in my life that I can no longer face going out. We have spoken about this... and deep down (although I love him) I know he's always going to lie to me.

The reason I am posting here is because I just need someone I can talk to. It's Christmas... I'm supposed to be happy, but all I feel like doing is going outside and screaming. But... where will that get me? Thank goodness for this website and the great people here!

omg.. sorry folks, I didn't mean for such a long post! Just me letting of some steam lol. Anyhow, here's hoping for a miracle that will finally listen and maybe help!


I was saddened to read your posting about your partner. I probably do not need to tell you, but you are in a dysfunctional relationship. Unless your partner is willing to work on his temper and issues, the relationship will likely deteriorate even more. Are you guys able to sit down and talk about the issues? Have you considered couples counseling? Some times a third party helps you get on the right track.

My partner of 38 years passed away in 2009, but we had a solid relationship. We could always sit down and talk. We did not agree 100% of the time, but mostly we were able to compromised. One little trick was to designate a specific time (i.e., Sunday morning) when we would talk. We did this even when there were no obvious problems. The rule was that the TV would be off and the phone would be off the hook. We would implement this process whenever our relationship hit a bump in the road. We found that by talking we were able to clear away the small issues (i.e., you left the cap off the toothpaste) and focus on what really mattered.

I would suggest that you need to learn why your partner runs off. To be gone for days is totally unacceptable. You say that you love him but you must also hate him for running away, for cheating on you and for lying to you. To be brutally frank, your relationship sound similar to a woman who is being physically and emotionally ***d but stays in the status quo until the *** escalates to an extreme. Your relationship needs to change or you will continue to be more and more miserable.

Obviously, I don't know you, but I am going to suggest that you ask yourself why you tolerate your partner's behavior. Do you have sufficient self-esteem to create boundaries and guidelines for what you will and will not accept in a relationship? Are you willing to end a relationship that continually violates your personal boundaries? Has your partner even gotten verbally or physically abusive with you? If this is the case, you need to develop an emergency exit plan. If he is willing to work with you and to talk openly, you may be able to resolve whatever issues are getting in the way of a stable relationship. However, don't count on a miracle to happen on its own. You will need take action to get the discussion started.

I send my best wishes that you are able to resolve the situation.

Long Beach, California


I have to agree with what David says he is right you are torturing yourself by staying in this relationship with this guy. I know how you feel cause I was in a situation exactly like yours but I stayed in it for 8 years and then I said enough is enough and got up and packed my stuff and left cause I was not ging to put up with the emotional and physical stress that it was putting on my mind and body. If you need to talk My number is 484-951-1424 I live in PA and you are welcome to stay with me for a while or you can e-mail me at [email protected] I hope to hear from you soon. We care for you Jordan .


David... thank you for your input on this topic, and I am sorry to hear about your partner passing away. And John.. thank you too.

I'm determind to get myself sorted, guys.... I've just lost the fight for now (6 years of it... but at least one good year! lol). One good thing is that I have managed to get my Passport sorted, and can at least travel now.

Thank you both (and all) for being caring. There's not much care about where I live at the moment. The only real friends I have are on here (you guys!!!)... so will be popping on here a lot now.

Take care, and will definately email/post very soon. Right now though, I need to get the tissues.... uhmmm... that sounded rude. I meant for my nose! heheh.

Hugs to you all xxx


Just keep in tuch and let us know how everything is going Jordan and you have my e-mail and phone number and if you want to see what I look like I will send you pics when you e-mail me.


Will do, John... am going to email you in a while. Im just re-setting my own server at the moment and continuing work on my website to take my mind off things lol. Just got back indoors from the cold... and am now wrapped up in a blanket sitting at the computer hahaha


wish I was there under that blanket with you, lol


Hi Jordan,

You are a very good looking man who seems quite relationship-oriented. You deserve a quality relationship. I send my best wishes and hope that you will do some serious thinking about what I and others have said.

Happy holidays,
[email protected]
Long Beach, California, USA


I'll definately be doing some serious thinking, David... whilst out with our dog just now, I (although frozen) was thinking of the past 6 years. What a waste! I could have found someone better, but life just got me! lol.

But, saying that... I have found some genuine friends here, and I am grateful to you all

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