Ever wondered why everyone else gets approached by the hot guys? Do you give off all the wrong signals when you’re in a gay bar or club? Being unapproachable is just one challenge some guys face when dating on the gay scene. We take a look at some of the reasons why some gay men are just not... Mr Irresistible.


Doing a 'Greta Garbo'

We’ve all seen them – those guys who seem to have been hanging around the same bars since The Spice Girls were on the hit parade. They’re practically as old and yellowing as the wallpaper and reek of gin and regret. And they’re always on their own. Sure, it’s okay to pop out on your own once in a while, but if you’re continually playing solo, it’s a red flag. No one wants to appear friendless.

Being an old lush

Guys who are out on their own are also likely to be boozing more, and swigging back the vodka like it’s mouthwash – but swallowing. Alcohol boosts confidence, but it can also exacerbate feelings of isolation – and delusion. Swilling back the shots and thinking they look mysterious, seductive and glamorous, while everyone else just thinks they look like a sad old lush who is well past his sell-by date.

Arrogance appears to know no bounds

Walking around with an expression which appears to proclaim 'my shit does not stink’, is not a way to ingratiate with the masses. Guys who are all stuck up nose, flaring nostrils and jutted out chin, are likely to be giving off entirely the wrong vibe. The sad thing is, of course, that shyness and lack of confidence are often mistaken for arrogance. Guys who are monosyllabic and find it tricky to make sustained eye contact, are just going to come across as aloof.  Be aware of social skills and take some measures to improve them. 

Man sitting in a bar alone
Are you giving off the wrong vibe without knowing? 

Trapped in the 1990s

We have to face facts here: the gay scene can be monstrously shallow. Appearances do, I hate to tell you, count – particularly if you’re on the pull. No, you may not like it, but as soon as you walk through the doors of some establishments, you’re going to be scanned like you’re going through a supermarket checkout. You’ll then be judged, accepted or chucked in the bargain bucket bin. Consequently, it helps to be mindful of your attire: baseball caps, flares, shell suits and any other hideous fashion crimes are not dissimilar to herpes: they keep cropping up, despite having no allure what so ever. Don’t become a fashion victim and do be yourself – just find the bar which matches your style (or lack of it!). 

Uninteresting and uninterested

OK, so you’ve finally struck up a conversation with someone. Now – presuming you find the guy hot and are planning to drop your pants and have a rummage in his – you need to keep the talk going. Eye contact is essential. You need to make him know that you find him fascinating and unbearably sexy. Your mission is to make him feel like the hottest guy in the room. But then there’s you… are you coming across as dull or infinitely attractive and mysterious? Have something to say for yourself; be bold, brave, witty, cheeky, flirty and intriguing. You’ll ensnare him in your web in no time. 

Perhaps you’re just not very pleasant

Highly unlikely! Most of us have at least some redeeming characteristics. Practice self-awareness, not delusion: learn where your shortcomings and strengths lie and practice parading them in public. Don’t get hung up on it (tension and desperation are ghastly looks, darling); treat it as a new game, and your playfulness will become infectious.




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