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1 more go.... - Love and Romance

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Posted

K so I have a story. I have been struggling withing I feel like for the past yearish when I started coming out as a lesbian. And soon as I got some psychiatric care cuz I probably should have been in rehab for drug and alcohol use and then probably had to extra anger due to the abusive relationship I was just getting away from, anyway soon as I got some psychiatric care they diagnosed me Bipolar Type I (and another diagnosis that was a misdiagnosis but I won't get into that). I hooked up with a girl last semester at school who was Bi. That confirmed I am over-joyed/orgasmic having a girl eat me out...but that also got me thinking, maybe I'm Bi?? I mean I was with guys in my past but it was never quite right. Felt like i was with brother if i had one ((I do now, but that's a different story)). So I changed my orientation to Pansexual because, well, that means ur into all people and with that I felt I couldn't go wrong.
So anyway today's my 23rd birthday and last night I went out with one of my friends to a Hookah Bar and back to his place to watch the rest of the Lakers game :-/ and The Hangover and I talked to him about the question on my mind--Am I Bi? Am I Pansexual?-- and we kissed and he ate me out; I felt nothing. He and I were like "well, i guess I am a total lesbian." And he thanked me for letting him be a part of that decision (joking) cuz course I went down on him also.
What I wanna know is Was that bad? To ALL THE LESBIANS out there have any of u had a similar experience?

By the way, the reason I changed to Pansexual was because I do find some men attractive but I guess I wanted to test out how physically attracted I was to them. And although is pretty cute, just like it's been for the past six years I had to close my eyes and envision a girl to feel anything at all. And even still, I couldn't cum, until I got mad and did it myself.
So I was pretty happy after it all because it confirmed the fact that I am a lesbian. But I wanna know if I'm unique or if anyone else has had a similar experience.


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Posted

Hi Kathryn! Thank you for sharing your story!

Being diagnosed Bipolar Type I, is too common story, far too many are diagnosed so. Says much more about those who diagnosed you, than it does you.

I had been married, to please my family, because I was still confused, because our northern Canadian culture said that was what I was suppossed to do.

This was also before I had come out, before I had completely accepted myself as who I was, which is lesbian.

Yes, I can find a few men good looking, but attraction is never there.

It is possible you may by bi, however if being with a guy does not feel quite right? That could be your answer.

Changing your orientation to Pansexual is completely your choice. What feels right for you, is right for you.

As for feeling nothing when a fellow eats you out, could is also be an answer.

By the way, going down on him is not bad? There are lesbians who do have sex with men, for whatever reason they may have done so at the time. It does not make them any less a lesbian.

When I was married, sex was, eh. But we did come out of it with 2 beautiful daughers.

Sex otherwise with men, well, if you call rape, sexual assault, gang banged, sex by choice.

As for envisioning a girl to feel anything at all, yes, when I was married, been there, done that. Also doing it myself.

Sweetie, there is nothing wrong with you!

You are fine!

Goddess Bless!


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Nebelpfade
Posted

I went with boy first, as many of us might also did. To find out your own sexuality id say it's a normal thing to do. As for me, I felt nothing from boys, soo I just screwed the idea to be with men. Since I was a heavy roleplayer, I extented my view of my own sexuality through role playing games as ultima online and world of warcraft. It turned out to be quite as you are right now, not really sure of what I was. Then, this year, I had two girls I liked really much, but were not interested in me, even soo, it quite confirmed I was quite more into girls like I was in the games I RPed. As you are, I can find men attractive physically, but id still go for a women orver a men, that's for sure.


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I would say that there are men who I find myself drawn to on an emotional/spiritual/loving level, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. I find with some men, love is blind as they say, so the gender doesn't matter till ... well till it starts to matter because things will start to become physical. And maybe being a little intimate and a kiss can pass off as fine (because again, that's much the same from either gender, IF it's the right guy), but anything further is a real slap in your face that you are indeed gay.

Nothing wrong with that, just means your heart is open to loving.


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Posted

I am so glad that you have the time to think this all through and find yourself. I am married to my 2nd husband now. We have been together for 8 years. I love him, but now that I am getting older, I am realizing that I am far more into women. I can get somewhat turned on when I am kissing him ( if my eyes are closed), but when it gets to eating/ sucking, or having sex, I go cold. I fake it all the time and have my toys so I can make myself cum when he has fallen asleep or is in another room. I find that I get angry instead of getting any real satisfaction. I wish that I had known more about myself and my feelings when I was younger. I feel stuck now.
As far as being bipolar, the doctors can't make up their minds about me on that. I wish they could and I hope they will soon. I am on meds for other things, but nothing seems to work. I know a lot of it has to do with my relationship that I am in.
Just be you. Don't ever try to be someone who you are not. There is nothing wrong with testing things out to find yourself.


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Labels don't have to matter. What matters is what you do to work to overcome whatever is dragging you down, or confusing you or convoluting your world. Whatever the title, it comes down to you and the work you put in to challenge what is difficult, what doesn't make sense, what's awkward, what's uncomfortable, and learn who you are. Really learn who you are.


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Posted

My camp is butch. I feel very masculine myself, and I began as most people do by dating boys. Growing up, I started noticing what kind of men I was attracted to. All of them had the same style and appearance. To me, now, I feel as if that image was the image I wanted to have for myself. I noticed women all the time, and never understood why. The one thing I did notice was that these women were varied in every aspect possible. I think I understand why they call it "sexual preference" now, because people can have sex either way, and still get pleasure from both. One just feels more fulfilling or more right, so to speak. I have been out almost 3 years now, and I'm still learning about myself every day. Hang in there sweetheart and be true to yourself, because you are a beautiful young woman with a lot of life to live! There are always speed bumps in the road, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.


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Posted

I first wanted to give a very clear answer that I believe HEAPS of people have had the same experience (or a very similar one) to that you described. So in that sense you aren't unique, but you still are unique as a person.


Just wanted to share this. I love quotes and these are some of my favourites, and some are relevant to your situation.

_____________________________________________________________
EXCELLENCE is the result of CARING more than others think is wise, RISKING more than
others think is safe, DREAMING more than others think is practical and EXPECTING more
than others think is possible.

~ The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
~ I want to be your favourite hello and most difficult goodbye.
~ You may only be one person to the World, but to one person you may be the World.
~ Time passes, life rushes by, special people remain in the heart always.
~ I dropped a tear in the ocean, when they find it I'll stop loving you.
~ Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
_____________________________________________________________


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