Confused. - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

Hi I have just joined and am very nervous in doing so, I am in a same sex relationship with a beautiful woman and have been for the past year or so. Thing is when I get drunk I get violent towards her and do not know why. I am wondering if it is because I am confused about my feelings has any body else had any experiences like this? Or am I just not normal. We are so happy together when we are at home or alone doing our own things we don't do things as a couple with her or my friends, obviously they don't like I have hit her and I completely understand that. Please help. Confused.xx

[La****]

hey, well firstly it would help to know your age. sounds like you are confused and possibly insecure. you say that you both don't socialise together outside of the home because her friends don't like you, well in my experience if you cant get along with your partners friends then it wont work, I'd suggest trying to make things right with her and them by proving your sorry, anger-management course or something. there is another way, just stop drinking, if you can't handle your drink then basically don't drink. it might not even be about your sexuality, you might be the violent type when under the influence, or certain drinks could make you violent. either way, your problem is when you drink and if you love her and want to spend your time with her then don't drink. I'd also suggest talking to her honestly about the way you feel, your fears etc because if you let them build up the things will never get any better. i remember when i told my mother i think I'm gay, i have never even kissed a girl, i was 18/19 although i had known from about the age of 12, my mother just said to me "never be ashamed of who you are". anyway after i had told her for the next two weeks i felt sick, disgusted and wrong with my self, i then began to wonder if i were really gay but then at 19 i fell in love with a girl for the first time, and then i knew, the hardest part of being gay isn't other people accepting you, it's is you accepting you and that you are gay. hope this message is some help and not taken in the wrong way. i really wish you luck in finding your true self.

[Su****]

Confused,
I agree with Lauren. The anger or violence you fall into when you're drinking may have nothing to do with your sexuality but simply with your chemistry. There are many people who become violent when they drink. It is best that you son't drink at all. My wife drinks on occasion and though she is not a violent person in any way shape or form, she knows that vodka (for example) is something she has to stay away from. It makes her pretty nasty; so, she doesn't drink it.
You mentioned that you and your girlfriend don't socialize with other people. Why is that? The question to that answer may be an important part of your relationship. Never be ashamed of who you are or who you are with. If hiding your relationship is important, then perhaps something is not quite right and the both of you may be unhappy for a long time. In my experience, hiding a relationship can kill the relationship eventually. It has to be real to work.

I have friends who don't agree with homosexuality, but they don't run my life. I love my wife and if they cannot handle our relationship, then they are not really my friends. I have been with my love 18 years now. Believe me, when it's real, when it's hones and when it's true, you will know and you will not worry about what other people say or think.

Good luck to you and God bless you.

[La****]

I think you put it a lot better than i did Susan lol.....

[Su****]

Lauren... lol... thanks. I knew what I wanted to say, but your words did help me along )

[AN****]

just like in heterosexual relationships it is wrong that u hit a woman...if u cnt control it dont drink at all, violence leads to more violence, i have friends like that, at least im not saying im a pro but when i drink with my girl when i think its enough i stop unlikely u i get kind of flirty a drink its good every now and then just to relax not to idiotize ur self...if u love her u shouldnt be ashamed of doing things together...fuck the ppl who dnt like it...and friends well if they dnt like u they gonna do what ever it takes to split yall...so my advice is to get along with them, talk, have small reunios everynow and than familiarize with each other...one last thing...if u rlly loe her and even if ur drunk stay still and think that someone else could do the same thing to ur mom, sister niece, cousin or someone who u love...why hurt the one u love???

[Jeanie_Baker]

It's very simple really. You can't drink because of what it does to your brain.
I can't drink because of what it does to my stomach. I used to get ulcers really bad so I quit. I had a brother who was allergic to it but was convinced he could still drink. He died. Don't drink and have a happy life.

[Deleted Member]

Hi again all thank you so much for the advice I'm 33 and my other half is 30 I know all the "just don't drink stuff" it's little insecurities that get me down such as my daughters know and adore my girlfriend my mum and step dad and brothers and sisters all know about my relationship and we have even been to scotland to stay with my dad and and his partner, however she has not told her mum and dad or sister we are together, her sister found out once and has since been led to believe we are not together anymore I have been seeing my partner for a year and a few months now. I started by making out my relationship with her is just awful its not we used to go out with the girls a lot until I ruined that (I know I have a lot of making up to do there) we went to Dubai for xmas and new year together last year its not all bad. I've got my first counciling session on wednesday so wish me luck.

[La****]

you know it takes a lot for someone to see there problems and to do something about it is great. i do wish you luck and hope you can find yourself. i can understand why your feeling this way because of your lasts comments. you just have to believe that she will tell them when the time is right for her, as long as you are both happy does it really matter who knows. when you show her how serious you are about changing the bad points and her friends can accept you once again the logical next step would be the rest of her family. people feel ready at different times, don't pressure her, just love her. much luck to you for Wednesday.

[Jeanie_Baker]

Well your taking steps in the right direction to finding out why your do get angry when your drunk. Many people do actually so your not alone. I tend to be affectionate more than usual. Alcohol releases your inhibitions. So you have a lot of anger inside your consciousness forbids to deal with. Find what that is and you will be on your way to recovery and a happier life.
Good luck LIzzie and if your woman still wants you she must really love you so make a commitment to her that you will not drink till you know what is eating you or you will lose her.Just an opinion, you can take it or leave it.

[Sa****]

this sounds a bit familiar to my story. get into counsiling! that's awesome! even on good days that therapist is still a refresher. i wish i could find one where i live. i'm doing some homework on it.
as far as your drinks. perhaps drinking just aint for you. my dad can't drink because of where it takes him emotionally. for me there are certain drinks i just avoid. and certain drinks i go to for whatever mood i'm in. i call vodka the schitzo drink. i'll be all cool and having a great time one minute and then something can just set me off out of nowhere. so i avoid it all together. i miss my vodka & cranberry drinks sometimes...but not what comes after

when going to your counselor please be as open and upfront as possible. the more you hide from them the less help it will be. and don't limit yourself to just one. if you find that this one doesn't work for you, you can find another one. good luck to you.

your girlfriend's friends are going to automatically be biased. that's the nature of friendship. however, with the history you two have that makes it worse. you don't have to rush out and kiss their feet just yet. you can do that on your time. when you feel have sorted out your issues then you can mend those frienships. it will be a lot of really hard work. but soooo worth it.

[Deleted Member]

Todays the day thanks so much for all your comments x

[La****]

good luck Lizzie

[Jeanie_Baker]

Yes LIzzie I wish you the best and will say a pray for you to find strength and happiness along the way to self-discovery.
May your holiday be bright and your mood come along for the ride to a better day soon.
Happy Holidiays