Standards ... - Love and Romance

[Ma****]

is it wrong to leave some one over standards??, i dont know what to do iam so confused, some one help me outt plzz! , iv been with my girl for 6yrs, but itS getting bad like really bad, we always had are difference's but i love her to much to care about them so i just let it go, plus i dont like conflict and she always turns every convo to a fight, and she always takes advantage of this fact still to this day, she is bi and i think well i know now that i love woman ALot! , and she on the other hand likes guys and girls both the same, but thats not what bother's me what does bug me well gross me out and turns me off is they are scrubs she likes, like i mean lil hood rat never showerd in weekd type, things that i would never look twice at she will, but i dont know what to do any more because i cant take the *** of my so called wify doing this to me, and what makes it soo hard is she is very immature and always denies everything she does, i dont know what to do, iam hurt and heart broken with her and lonely with out her, i really wish i could meet a lesbian .........

[As****]

find someone else theres plenty of girls out there if shes not willing to try or even care then dont waste time with her

[De****]

I'm really sorry Mary.Six years are a long time and if you have told her this before I'm sorry love she's not going to change.I wish that I could tell you she will but I can't.Look at it like this if you have a little girl and she comes to you with something like this what would you tell her.I know it's hard and it hurts but when all that goes away and you find that lady that only wants you you will look back and say WOW this is what I was missing.Your not along if you need someone to talk to I'll be here.Rember one thing this is not your fault and it's her loss and someone else's gain.Again I'm sorry and I'm here.

[Se****]

I'm a little confused. You are upset because of the quality of guy she likes? If she drooled over men in business suits would it be better?

I think if every time, you try to talk to her and it leads to a fight, then run. It is horrible to be in a place where your voice is silenced. You deserve to be in a warm fuzzy relationship with a woman that loves you, and respects you enough to listen.

I personally believe it is human nature to flirt, but I think that if your [her] behavior is hurting people you supposedly love than there needs to be open communication on the table so the issues can be resolved or a compromise can be reached.

Good luck.

[Ka****]

well said serena.

[Kristin_Turner]

ugh what a mess. first of all i agree with serena. why would you even want to stay with a woman who sleeps around whether it's the garbage man or a swimsuit model. i suppose there are girls who are into 'open' relationships. personally i don't get it. i think also this kind of thing happens a lot with bi chicks. i pretty much avoid em unless i know it's just going to be a casual thing. if i'm going to be with someone i want someone who's whole attitude and being is focused on women. otherwise i think there's a real disconnect.

[Ma****]

to some extent yes, it is the quality of men and other things like, number one i dont have a dick to give her and 2 is that i feel like trash and that iam not good enough for her, can you see where iam coming from??, and there aint that many girls out there as everyone likes to say, i wish i could meet a girl but it aint that easy, if it was i would give it a shot but why take a chance in the dark? its like a no win situation, because i want a girl but iam to scared to move on, for the fact of not meeting someone and she is one of those girls who puts it on you, to be more clear she says things like shes gonna hurts her self or she cant live with out me she knows how to make me feel like shit for already feeling like shit...

[Deleted Member]

I see your point about the type of men. I mean, you see it as what type of stuff is she bringing home to you Is that part of it? But I know the other part is she is unfaithful to you while she is off with who ever, she is having these affairs, where is the intimacy in your relationship? It is hard to have that with more than one person. Then you are unable to talk to her, which is the very core of any relationship. Are you in love with her and just letting her do whatever? What does she give to the relationship? Arent you afraid of some disease she could bring back? And then she bring back some nut case too. This is a bad situaltion for you.

[Se****]

A few points I would like to make.

1. Finding true love is really hard, but finding girls to have fun and play with, you can find them anywhere. While you are in this relationship feeling horrible, life is passing you by. How are you ever going to find the right woman, while you are stuck with the wrong one?

2. Her emotional black mailing you is not your cross to bear. I know you love her and would hate for her to do anything, but that kind of stuff just makes me angry. I had a girlfriend try to kill herself once. It was so dramatic. I called poison control in a panic. She had shot a few syringes full of bleach. They told me at worse she will throw up, and bring her in if she got really sick. Nothing happened. I was so mad at her. After that, I had no problems walking.

If I were you, I would leave now, just walk. it sounds so unhappy and unhealthy. I don't know her at all. I have never met her, so my opinion is only based on what you are saying.

1. She lies, and is unfaithful
2. She makes you feel less than
3. She threatens to hurt herself if you leave

Every human being on the planet deserves better than that.

[De****]

I agree with Serena.Yes it's hard to find true love but would it not be worth the work and time to find it if it means someone being with just you,loveing you for you and only wanting to be with you.Look at how much time you are putting on this one and all it does is make you unhappy and hurt.I'mnot trying to tell you what to do at all......but would you not like to put all the time and,love,and work that you have on someone that puts the same amount of time,love,and work back with you.Just think what you would have.

[Deleted Member]

For one, you should definitely listen to what your gut is telling you. It is almost always right...it's just intuition. It really sounds like a relationship that you're trying to work out to the best of your ability but nothing seems to fall into place. As cheesy as this sounds, it was just not meant to be. From the jist of what I read, it seems like there were plenty of "red flags" even if they were super small and we tend to ignore them because we want the relationship to work out when it just isn't meant to be.

I do say that you should really think about it. Have a one on one with yourself. Does she honestly deserve you or do you deserve better? Don't you deserve someone who will meet you halfway and treats you with dignity and respect?

Honestly... this sounds like the relationship was dragged on for too long and I don't see it working out in the end. But it's your decision on what to do and I would definitely say listen to your heart.

[Rebekka_Pryce]

Mary Jane, leave, run, get out of it, while you still have your self-dignity & strength. Honey, you are being ***d, plain & simple, she is abusing you, get out of it. And don't let her emotional blackmail stop you, because IT WILL NEVER STOP&lt NEVER CHANGE! (Speaking as been there too many times.)

[Marianne_Messer]

you are in a toxic relationship, you should have gotten out YESTERDAY, get out NOW

[Ma****]

i dont know what to do because runing and talking aint working, i need like a literally make an escape, like disappear, but i just need to know if its ok cuz it dont feel right?? should i ? like it s so fucked i dont even wanna go home .......i feel sick inside ...

[Annie_Alvarez]

I know I haven't commented yet, but here goes and I hope you listen and listen well.

NOONE has the right to physically *** another person and I do mean noone. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. It must be terrible to be in a relationship with someone you are afriad of and if you're not afriad, you should be.

***rs DON'T stop abusing overnight. It takes therapy and a desire to stop, but this isn't about her. This is about you. Have you ever heard the phrase, "sometimes love isn't enough"? Well, honey, in this case, it's not.

Love isn't enough of a reason to stay and get the shit beat out of you, or *** for your families safety. I'm sure your family loves you very much and if you explain what's happening, I'm sure they can and probably will hang up on her the next time she calls them.

I know that this is scary. A lot of people have been in one sort of abusive relationship or another and I will say this. If what you say is true and her *** seems to be escalating, then it's time to put your big girl panties on and make some life changing decisions or you may not be around to make them in the future.

Love yourself as much as you claim to love her and treat yourself right. She's sure as hell not going to do it.

There's my two cents, for whatever its worth. I wish you strength to do the right thing.

Annie :0)

[Ma****]

well said, but to me its selfish unno, to just walk?? , but i guess it aint,

[Se****]

She's the selfish one. You have gone beyond the call of duty. You've given your all, and now its time to go find your happiness.

[Libby_Horning]

It's absolutely not selfish. I'm one to walk out of a relationship when I know I'm not happy I won't deny that I've walked away for less but it has always been because I knew I couldn't care about that person like they did for me or I knew they couldn't care for me like I did for them.

This girl is poison plain and simple. She manipulative and it seems that she's moved passed just mental and emotional ***. I'm not going to tell you what to do but my advice is to get out. I know you're scared she's going to hurt herself but in the end she probably won't. If she does hurt herself though please don't blame yourself whatever she does is on her not you.

There are sometimes that you just have to do what's best for you regardless of the consequences. It sounds harsh but it is true. This behavior that she's exhibiting will only get worse and it could end really badly for you.

Sharing this with us and looking for advice isn't lame or stupid you are legitimately scared and need to talk it out with someone. If anything you are being brave by doing this and have garnered my respect. Don't be afraid just be true to yourself use your head and follow your heart. I know it's breaking with this decision you have to make but do what is best for you. It takes courage and I believe you have that.

In short I completely agree with Annie.

[Annie_Alvarez]

Ditto. I agree with Libby.

[Deleted Member]

this woman is manipulating you and abusing you and you are so use to all of it. Get out while you can still be sane. You have to protect yourself and a right to be happy. You need a healthy relationship. This is defintely is toxic