Straight Members - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

Hi everyone

I wanna open up a discussion to get an understanding of what you all want.

As you know, straight people can join Gays.com. I believe that bisexuals and transgender members benefit from getting to know "straight" members as they are more likely to be more open-minded than the general heterosexual population. And after all, straight people can be a part of a bisexual or transgenders dating pool. Do you agree?

A lot of members have reported being harassed by members of the opposite sex despite having a clear profile that states lesbian. This is being done via chat a lot. Does this happen to you?

What suggestions do you have to deal with this?

Thanks in advance.

Tara | Community Manager

[JoniBear]

erm .. i dun agree with straight members like to be open minded ... but then, if they are straight, they won't be viewing this webpage. Unless out of curiousity or maybe they are not sure whether they are gay or straight.

As for the harrass by opposite sex, we cannot prevent them, but we can just ignore them ....

[Deleted Member]

@Joni
If there were a function where we could block straight males from contacting us, would that help prevent them?
Thanks for your reply

[JoniBear]

it would helps a lot .. and i am sure alot of our members will agree with double thumbs up ..

You are most welcome, Tara ... it's my pleasure to reply !!!

[Serena_Jewell]

I'm not interested in being on line friends with hetero males from here. Anybody from the glbt, though, absolutely! I have a few straight male friends, that I've known forever, so I don't need new ones, thank you very much, lol. I think if a hetero opposite sex person is approaching you here, then that's a little creepy. I've had a few losers try to chat me up. They usually can't keep from being creepy for long, and then its ignore, lol

A block option would be awesome.

[Deleted Member]

Why we have to deal with straight members in here , when is obvious this site is Gay all...my straight friend i meet them in other sites..I think we have the right of privacy .a block bottom should be excellent..I agreed 100% with Serena...

[Charlene_Elizabeth]

I agree with Chiki. This is gays.com, not straights.com and not even bisexuals.com (even though they insist that they have a right to invade our "lesbians only" discussion threads in the forums on here and get all pissy when we say anything about it and challenge the fact that they may not have enough schooling to understand what the phrase "lesbians only" means... very rude of them in my opinion and I share my opinion freely).

If it was GaysAndHets.com, that would be one thing. However...

[Deleted Member]

Thanks everyone for your responses...PLEASE keep em coming, the more response i get the easier it is for me to present a case to make a change.

@Chiki, I agree...if a group is for lesbians...then it's gotta be for lesbians, if it's for women, then yes, lesbians, bisexuals can join...but what about MTFs? I would also like to tidy up the groups and have them moderated...but I would need your help with this...so keep the responses coming...much appreciated :0)

[Serena_Jewell]

i am in no way trying to offend anyone, at all ever. Just stating my opinion

Hmmm, complicated situation. I agree about the straights. I don't understand why a straight would be on the board. I think a straight person may be here (except the creepy hetero guys trying to mack on the lesbians) because he/she is questioning his/her sexuality and may need the board to figure it out. In which case that person isn't really that straight.

Sexuality is a complicated fluid thing. I have a post-op MTF friend who identifies as lesbian. I have another friend who used to be a "lesbian" but is now a heterosexual pre-op FTM. I have another friend (a friend of mine for 20 years) who was with her out and proud lesbian partner for 12 years. They bought a house together, pets, the whole nine yards. One day they separated. The woman, who I never really became friends with, now looks completely different and dates men. She doesn't even hang out with anybody anymore. All new friends, all new person. Very strange, lol. Most of my friends are from the glbt community. The few that aren't are extremely open minded freaky people. I like to think of us as one big happy community.

I think moderation on public forms is always a good idea, but I think sometimes when people are too hard ass about things, they take the fun out of it

[Mimi_Eva_Bokor]

I apologise in addvance if my comment sounds hatefull in any way but, why would there be even a straight option for a gays.com? I understand that gays.com has an option for curious individuals, but why a straight option?

But on the other hand, i more then welcome a straight option an straight individuals if they achieve a better of undertanding towards gay people, and reduce the hate towards a gay person from not understanding to a level of understanding.

After all we are all human at the end of the day.

[Kimberly_Authier]

I actually fully welcome straight people. It'd be so unbelievably hypocritical of me not to, right? I mean we fight and fight for tolerance and acceptance, just to turn around and say "No, you aren't welcome here." No. I don't think so.

And the whole bisexual thing. Ohhhh hell no, are the lesbians really gonna start this war? I mean don't get me wrong, I am a 100% dyke, not interested in men at all, but I would never, ever think any differently of someone for being bi instead of gay or straight. It's who they are, so what? In all honesty, if there are conversations to be had about lesbianism, at the very least I know there are many, many bisexual girls who would surely have plenty to contribute. Just the fact that they may also like to be with men does NOT mean we ought to exile them from OUR community. It's just as bad, if not worse, than people being so intolerant of all the breeders out there.

If someone harasses us, we can choose to let it bother us, or we can ignore it because we must know it's possible that such a thing can happen. It's words on a page. It can't hurt you unless you allow it to. There will always be grimy people in this world, online and otherwise, and for those in real life there is no block button. Just sayin. So I guess I just don't see how it is that big of a deal.

[Charlene_Elizabeth]

I disagree with the above comment about "the whole bisexual thing". WHY is there an option to make a discussion group "lesbians only" if the management and indeed the whole community did not WANT to have that option? Why do bisexuals feel the right to butt in on a lesbian discussion where the room CLEARLY states that it is a "lesbian only" discussion?

Have we digressed that much that we think that any person, at any time, in any place is allowed to do whatever they want regardless of anyone else? how can you POSSIBLY say that they should have a right to come in to our lesbian discussions and disrupt them (often talking about their bf's and or penises and or other gross topics)?!?!?!? Do you see me going over in to rooms that say "bisexual discussion"? No! I have respect and do not intrude! It is sad that some people such as above think that bisexuals should get special treatment and be allowed to go in and out of any room they want just because they have decided they like to fu*k both men and women at same time.

Why can't they post and comment in their bisexual rooms instead of having to rile up the lesbians in the lesbian rooms? What could they have to contribute? How can they possibly know what it is like to be a lesbian or to see the challenges that WE face every day when they have the option/choice to hang on the arm of a man and appear hetero even if they are bi?

In NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM have I ever said to exclude them from the community. What i DO SAY, however, is that they should have at least the barest amount of decency, decorum, and respect to not butt in to our discussions when they already have their own.

[Serena_Jewell]

I am in no way trying to offend

I think as long as bisexuals don't talk about men, why exclude them from conversation? Why discriminate? I don't understand such linear thinking.

In my opinion, sexuality is a sliding scale. There are bisexuals that are married to men and like to lick pussy once in a while, but could never have a relationship with a woman. There are bisexuals that call themselves lesbian that are married to women, and never think of men, except sometimes when they masturbate, but they keep it completely to themselves, so as not to be judged by the lesbian community. And then there are the 10% on either side of the spectrum that are 100% gay or 100%straight. Everybody else on the entire planet, including homophobes and heterophobes are somewhere on a sliding scale of bisexuality

[Deleted Member]

what if, the group owners had more responsibility of moderating the group. therefore, if it's a lesbian only group and the owner only wants lesbians in, then she has the right to not accept a bisexual, a straight man, a gay man etc.
And if bisexuals wanted to be part of a female only group, we at Gays.com could encourage them to set up their own group. AND we could also have some gay women only groups, which would cover all women.

Just some suggestions, what do you think? Gays.com is big enough to hold everyone!

[Kimberly_Authier]

Wow. There is some crazy bullshit I could NEVER agree with. I'm sorry, but that sounds just absolutely hateful and immature. Is it really such a bother to hear something about penises? Yeah. They exist. So? I agree that it's kinda stupid to bring a boyfriend up in conversations about lady-lovin, but honestly it's not that difficult to just ignore it. Really, most of us are adults here, I think we can handle it. I'd consider it a bit rude, that sort of situation, for a bisexual girl to bring up straight relationships in a lesbian chat. But in about any other given situation, I would defend their right to be there with all I've got. Sorry, but it's absolutely bullshit not to. They are our sisters here. How cruel can we really be?

Bisexual people are discriminated against from both sides, gay and straight. Why? What gives us the right to shun them out because of who they have a potential to love? I pretty much hate the whole "Lesbians only" shit on here. I can sorta see why you might want "Women only" but to be so completely narrow is just beyond me. I'm absolutely gay, but I'm bought to go forming some bi pride movement or something, cuz I am sick of the hate.

Judge person by person, not sexuality by sexuality. We are all one earth, each and every one of us is different and those differences don't always change that which we have in common. Show your pride, gays! Be proud of who you are too, bisexuals! And straight people, stand tall, you are who you are and that's just another reason to be proud as well.

[Serena_Jewell]

I think some bisexual women though are in the closet with their bisexuality because of a lot of lesbians attitudes towards them. i think some bisexuals are 95% lesbian and only maybe 5% bi, lol. Even in my own group of friends, we have these discussions. I personally think some people need to lighten up.

However, I think if someone owns a group, she/he should have control over the demographic she/he wants in it.

[Serena_Jewell]

Right on Kimberly. I 100% agree with you

[Charlene_Elizabeth]

"But in about any other given situation, I would defend their right to be there with all I've got. Sorry, but it's absolutely bullshit not to. " OK, so what you are saying, by your implication, is that anyone, no matter whether male or female, gay bi or het, should be allowed in to any discussion group on here and post whatever they want. THAT is bullshit!!! Or did you mean to say that you want only bisexual women to be allowed to go in to any room but you still want to exclude and be prejudice against gay men, or het men, bi men?

Apparently some people don't think that GAYS.com should have discussion groups for GAY women!!!!!! They think that bis and whoever else should be allowed to roam in to any and all rooms. THAT is bullshit, to use your own words (I rarely if ever lower myself to the level of using profanity as it shows you have already lost your argument when you have to resort to profanity and name-calling)!

And once again, I would dare anyone to show any place that I have posted here on gays.com in my almost 2 years I think of being here where I said bis should be excluded or kicked out or banned or anything of the sort. I am simply fighting for the right to have GAY WOMEN ONLY discussion groups, just like there are BI-ONLY groups and GAY MEN ONLY groups. But I guess maybe we, as lesbians, should suffer through even more discrimination and belittling just because we don't like dick?

[Deleted Member]

ladies...i sure don't want to turn this into a bisexual chat again! it's not about whether someone likes or dislikes bisexuals. It's about the straight members...do we want straight men hitting on us, joining our discussions.

also, to be fair, if I set up a group on cooking.com called Jamaican food...I'd be a bit miffed if someone came on and started talking about cuisine that has nothing to do with jamaican food. hmmmmmm, is that a crap analogy???

anyways, first things first, do we want straight members on gays.com and secondly, do we want to have the groups moderated? thanks

[Serena_Jewell]

Oh man, Charlene. So dramatic. You refuse to look at another point of view without steam rolling over it. Bisexual woman are just as gay as you. And I know several bisexual women in long term relationships with women. Are you saying that a bisexual woman, who has been with the same woman for 10 years wouldn't be allowed to post in any of your "lesbian" groups. So, so linear thinking. Or should she change her designation to say lesbian, just so she can be included in your exclusive little group?

[Kimberly_Authier]

I'm done with the bisexual debate on this thread. I've made my opinion clear and I refuse to argue with someone so adamant and with such a "superior to you" attitude.

As for the straight members, I say absolutely! Welcome one and all, it's the only way we can avoid being complete bigots ourselves.

As for moderation, I think the members do that enough as it is. If the members of the group aren't feelin the love from another member, they have every right to ask them to leave or to report them if the problem is severe enough.

[Serena_Jewell]

I think straights should be allowed to join gays.com, but there should be a report function. i for one, don't want to come on, to flirt and have fun, then have some creepy dude hit on me.

[Charlene_Elizabeth]

"LIKE" button to the above comment about creepers.

[Deleted Member]

Well my personal opinion is that dont allowed straight people in here they have plenty of sites to go.As i prefer this place to stay as is Gays.com..If i want to chat with my hetero friends i can go to facebook or other different sites..moderation will always be around,and so far they been doing a very good job.Im not discriminating at all.. but still...thats my personal opinion and we are not in here to offend each other but to comunicate each one opinion and respect that.thanks,

[Abi_Dorrington]

I have too say I agree with every aspect of Kimberly's arguments, and I agree that straight people should have the right, because if you think on it we shouldn't penalize every straight person on this site for the handful that are in fact creepers. so if you have a problem with someone just, do the grown up thing and don't retaliate, reply or whatever. some of you say that hetro's have other sites and such but what sites do they have where a gay, lesbian or whatever isn't on, the majority of them put up with us, right? why can't we return the favor? If you're mature enough you can put up with someone curious about the life style and creepers.. it doesn't take two seconds too ignore a message. so cut the straights some slack and let them look, as long as they do no harm there should be no problem at all. as for bisexuals. I think they have every right to join discussions about lady-lovin' a lot of bisexuals I've met are a lot more open minded than others in most cases. well that's my two cents.