Heartbroken - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

Well, I guess this begins about.....5 years ago, when I met the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. Her name is Rebecca, and she stole my heart immediately. We became friends, then lovers, then I went away to college (more like moved to the next city which was only a 45 minute drive away, and her and I went swimming at the beach near there a few times) and she moved away to a city in Northern Alberta. We kept in touch, saw other people, but I still held feelings for her. Eventually, she moves to Saskatchewan, and I stay in Red Deer, the city that I went to college in. Just as I'm getting ready to move to Edmonton, where I am now, I find out that she's moving to Red Deer. My heart lept with joy, and, we started talking more. She professed her love for me, and I for her, and we made plans to meet up and pretty much pick up where we left off. It was a week after I found out that she had completed her move to Red Deer that I took her to my apartment and made dinner for her, chicken and perogies, with a nice non-alcoholic wine, since I had to drive her home that night, and I didn't want to give her alcohol and make her think that I was trying to get in her pants. The dinner was great, we watched some Justice League cartoons and laughed, and eventually, I gave her a gift that I picked out for her the day before. It was a silver heart necklace that I fell in love with when I was shopping with my brother. I helped her to put it on, and the next thing I know, she's kissing me like she's never kissed me before. One thing led to another, and we ended up in the bedroom. I only had 3 weeks left before I moved to Edmonton, and I knew we had to make the most of it, so every chance I could take, without seeming needy, I tried to invite her out, on my dime (though I had just lost my job of 2 years). Eventually, our schedules coincided and I took her, her room mate, and Rebecca's boyfriend, whom I didn't even know she was her boyfriend until we got into the theatre, out to see Burlesque at the cheap theatre. Rebecca and her room mate were late, and her boyfriend found me, introduced himself, and then proceeded to flirt with me. I did everything I could to tell him that I was not interested. Then Rebecca and her room mate arrived, and in the theatre, Rebecca's boyfriend sat between me and her, and they were all over each other the entire night. Not gonna lie, he was a really nice person, but I still resent him. I feel as if he took her away from me. So after the movie, I feigned having to go to the bathroom, and snuck out to my truck. Unfortunately, I had to sc*** the ice off the windows, and let the truck warm up (it's an old truck, about 25 years old) and she sees me outside. I told her everything was ok, I just had to start my truck, and that she should go and have a good time with her bf. I wasn't fine. Instead, I spent the whole night packing and then driving out to where I was storing my stuff in Rocky, and then out to my parents, then back home. Didn't get home till 6 am, the movie finished at 11 pm, and I had been up since very early the day of the movie.

Since then, I've been trying to talk to her like I would a friend. At least once a week, when I notice she's on facebook, I say hi. I don't pressure her, I just try to talk to her. But every time she ignores me. A week ago, I started getting fed up with being ignored, and sent her a text, politely asking her to let me know the next time she's online so I can talk to her about something. The reply I got was "Who's this?" and when I told her it was me, she just said "New phone". I was crushed that she hadn't even put my number into her phone after we had talked last. In fact, this is the third time I got a "Who's this?" from her since I changed my number over 2 months ago. That was each time I texted her.

I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore. She refuses to speak to me, and I just want to know if I ever meant anything to her, and if she doesn't ever want to speak to me again, I just want her to tell me that, not ignore me. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do or say or if I should even try. I care so much about her, and I want her to be happy, but I want her to tell me where I stand in that happiness so that I don't interfere with it. That, and I just want my friend back. We used to talk about everything, from Art to Invader Zim, and she was not just my lover, but my best friend.

I'm sorry I wrote so much. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it. I'm not exactly "out" and those who I'm out to, well, it's not that they wouldn't understand because they're straight, but because they're not exactly fond of her at the moment. I really want an outside opinion.

Thank you for listening.

[Matty_Estrada-Cain]

I am sorry for what you are going through. I don't really have any great advice but I was in your shoes once, maybe not all details but pretty darn close. All you can really do is back off and let her work it out. Keeping in contact with her is probably not such a good idea. It just prolongs the ***. She will either contact you when she is ready or not at all. You have to come to terms with that. You can't *** conversation with her. The more you push the more she will back off. Only time will tell what will happen, but you trying to press the issue will only hurt you more in the end. The fact that she has a boyfriend, which she didn't tell you about, while she slept with you probably means that it was either experimental on her part or just sex. She could feel conflicted by her actions and her conflict will only grow more severe with contact with you. Just give her time and space, and hope that she comes around. That is all you can really do. I hope it works out for you.

[Deleted Member]

Then that's what I'll do. It did cross my mind that even though I was limiting contact, that it still was probably too much. I hate losing a friend, but if she does want to be around me, then I'll let her be the one to decide that, if and when the time comes. I'll focus on life here, and making new friends and experiences and try my damnedest not to pressure her or anything. It does help, what you said, though it's not what I wanted to hear, I think I needed to hear that.

Thank you.

[Matty_Estrada-Cain]

Your welcome. Anytime. It is never easy to step back fro something you really want, but sometimes you have too.

[Deleted Member]

Yeah. I know. I understand that she's moved on, and I accept it, but I do feel used, ignored, and betrayed by my friend. And finding out WoW was the reason that she never talks to me...well, that didn't help at all. I think it made me feel worse. Blegh. Still sticking to the plan though.

[Matty_Estrada-Cain]

Good.