Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2011 I don’t care who you are, where you are, where you are coming from or where you are heading to. It doesn’t matter, not really; because I already know what you are looking for. Unless you have “it” already (which is really, very, truly rare, damn lucky you), I know that you are looking for that extra pink, little cloud that will take you high, up in the perfect world of happy feelings. Yes, I am talking about love. I’m talking about that love the hymns are for; about that love that rom-com movies trying to convince us that “it” can happen to everyone. Can it happen to everyone? I have NO idea. But I do know that I’m searching for it and I will never stop until I find it. I know it exists. I’ve never lived the experience but I’ve seen it. That sparkly dazzling feeling that wraps the couple in a shiny bubble and the rest of the world simply doesn’t matter because honestly, it shouldn’t matter. It’s them, only them and the rest exist only for them. A while ago I’ve met this couple and every single time we go out together, I always admire how their eyes radiate this unique love they share. Do they have problems? Of course they do! Do they have the faith that they will solve them together? Of course they do! Are they perfect? No! Do they know it? Yes! And the truth of the matter is that they don’t give a damn! They have accepted each other as they are, as a whole. They are lesbians, just like me. I, myself, am in a relationship. Do I feel this special “love” for my girlfriend? Unfortunately the answer is “No” and I know that she will give you the same answer as I. However, I am in this relationship because it is an important step for me towards the self-completeness. Do I want to break up? Of course I do but I am self-aware that the time isn’t right. Not just yet. See, I have a question to answer and I believe that she can help me in that. I truly believe that in order to find your “true love” you have to know two basic things; firstly, you have to know who you are and secondly, what you are looking for. If you know who you are, you know what you can offer. And if you know what you are looking for, you know what to ask for because every relationship is a constant give-and-take; or at least that’s how it should be. That lovely couple who became my role model, has a perfect balance of give-and-take. They know what they need, who they are and they provide it to each other so unselfishly, so effortlessly, so beautifully. I always believed that if you give more than you take then you will become empty inside. If you receive more than you take then you will overflow. Neither is good or healthy. Therefore, I strive to find the answers to my questions, so as to be free from insecurities and be strong and complete for my love. So, do I believe in “true love”? Hell yeah! And I will stop at nothing until I find it. I know it’s out there so I will keep my heart open for this unique feeling. And I know the same has to, should, go for you as well. I don’t care if you believe in it; I tell you this; It is out there and it’s looking for you. Do NOT compromise and start living. You have been blessed with the great gift of life and it’s only one. So enjoy it. The perfect is out there and it’s looking for you! Find it because you worth it.
Jeanie_Baker Posted February 14, 2011 How long have you been in the relationship you have now? What makes you know it is not the relationship that can grow and build trust and acceptance?
Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2011 Those are fair questions! (And honestly, I did expect them! lol) I am in this relationship for about four months now. I know she's not the one because I don't feel complete. The same way I know I can't complete her needs as well. It's not about trust or acceptance. You can have those two with any person or with none. I can carry on for hours talking about my relationship (about how much I try or about how much she tries)but that's not the point here. It's about what you need, what you want and how much these two are on the same level. I want to live that love but that's not what I need now. :-) Does that make any sense? :-) What I wanted is to draw the focus on the fact that I believe that "true love" is out there. It may not be perfect and not what you expect it to be but once it'll enter you life, you'll know it beyond any doubt. I may sound over-romantic but oh, well! I like hoping!!! lol I hope I answered your question Jeanie!
Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2011 eva im a little confused' you say you want to live the love but just not right now but your looking for that love....my guess is you really dont know if its out there so your holding on to someone for companionship and vise versa. if im wrong so be it but i think you want wat you cant find. true love is hard to find and in some cases impossible to find. but here's the thing' it will not fall in your lap and if your the kind of person who believes love is out there for everyone well your wrong, and i know that sounds harsh but it up to the individual, its how you want to live your life, someone who is looking for love without opening yourself up or someone who makes sacrifices and can give more then they take.....yes its truly about give and take and most importantly sacrifice. you have to be able to surrender yourself completely to this person take them with the good and the bad, and lets not forget working together with each other. its really really hard and it can be worth it but its up to you. im commenting on this but i am no expert on love ive jus been there at one point and this was my experience and again if im wrong then im wrong. however its all about you as a person and how much your willing to give up being an individual and combine yourself into a couple. you really have to want it. "I MEAN REALLY WANT IT"
Jodie_Hendricks Posted February 15, 2011 Eva, thats a nice little book you wrote there. The longer you stay in the relationship you have, the harder it's going to be on her when you end it. If you know she's not the one, then you need to end it now, before she invests any more time in your relationship. I agree with Kat. Love & Relationships are a 50/50 thing. as for your lesbian couple rolemodel, you don't know what they went through to get what they have. They do what works for them. I feel sorry for your g/f cause your only with her till you find someone better. You need to set her free before she gets hurt anymore. Maybe you should pray and ask God if your g/f is his gift to you........................I hope you find the perfect woman that you seek..........................................
Amanda_Jones_47185 Posted February 15, 2011 I'm with jodie on this. If she's not the one for you, let her go. If you're holding on to her just because you haven't found your dream woman, then that's very selfish of you and remember that what goes around comes around. Most of us are single not because there's nobody out there to be with and kill time. NO.. We have chosen not to compromise on the qualities we are searching for in that person we are looking for. Please set her (your gf) free if she is not the one and commit your s self to finding your soul mate and maybe you'll find her.
Deleted Member Posted February 15, 2011 I am with the others on setting your gf free of you just finding this love of your life at some time in the future and dumping this woman in the street. I know this does happen in life, but between relationships, you should take time to reflect on what went wrong on right in the relationship, so you dont bring baggage into the next one. It doesnt always work that way, but it is a good thought.Deep love in a relationship doesnt always work in every relationship and some are still trying in current ones. You both have to put it all in the basket it together, neither holding back or doing anything to sabatoge a healthy relationship like not having faith in the relationship. you are either in it or not. That is the power of love and the committment you give it. You are one of the defining factors of how far it goes. Stop glamorizing it and start actualizing it.
Jeanie_Baker Posted February 15, 2011 Teri: You hit it right on the nose. Listen Eva- put yourself in your girlfriends place. What if she felt the way you do and decided to dump yu and left you empty and hurt and possibly bewildered to the point of deep depression. Please don't fool around with people feelings. It could have catastraphic results
Jeanie_Baker Posted February 15, 2011 However I do understand that you feel there is love at first sight or the true love out there. But isn't true love - Honesty- showing yourself completely and making yoursefl vulnerable like a dogs underbelly, being able to show all your complete emotional being and also being there to give each other strength and wisdom to grow? LIke Terry said making a commitment is better than any marriage license. It is agreeing to be there for each other with trust, honesty, and vulnerability.
Deleted Member Posted February 15, 2011 You are so right about everything! I do understand the image I present and I apologise for that! But that's the thing! You don't know my relationship or me! Who said that my gf doesn't know what I feel or if she doesn't feel the same? I do know it's all about working hard in every kind of relationship and I don't try to glamourize it! I do see your points and I do understand why you made them! Thank you, it only shows what a lovely site this is. I'll consider all your points carefully! Be well!
Deleted Member Posted February 15, 2011 @ eva... i understand that you and your GF know what ur relationship is and you both r ok with it. and i think everyone was a little focused on your GF feelings. but i get it... now, with that being said... it stll brings the question about love and wanting to be in that love. and you envied your friends so much you wrote about it. if you want to live the life of love y then do u say ur not ready for it? "curious."
Deleted Member Posted February 15, 2011 I cannot be envy about my friends! I can only feel happy for them and for what they have! I know what I want but in order for me to actually have it shouldn't I know who I am? And all these lovely people who made their comments maybe they are right and I should stay alone; but on the other hand there are some things you can learn about yourself with the help of others. Aren't we becoming wiser with every relationship? What I'm trying to say is that I need to feel complete inside through self-knowledge and learning so as to be able to offer. I hope that makes more sense. Thank you again all for making me think under different perspective!
Deleted Member Posted February 15, 2011 yeah i get it...and your right you do need to find yourself first . but that is something within you and nobody else can find that person but you. you wont find what ur looking for while being with someone only u can work on you. good luck and i hope you find what u r looking for.
Jeanie_Baker Posted February 16, 2011 Yes finding what makes you tic is the quest we have when we are young. I did not feel comfortable of who I was till I was in my 30's. I reached goals along the way and even got married but I was not truly as happy as I could be. I think we first need to find happiness in our lives and sometimes true love follows. I know what I want to but now that I am older it is not one of my priorities anymore. And Eva if yu stay alone then be happy with being alone. I learned it early in my life and some of us need to have people around us, but learning to be alone opens up a whole new world for you. If you and your gf understand each others needs and wants that is good but at least let her know your feelings in a diplomatic way if she feels differently to save a lot of pain later. I think it is the kindness thing to do for your relationship. Good luck to you!
