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Paladze

cheating boyfriend

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Paladze
Posted

Hello!
My boyfriend started to communicate with his ex, I’m afraid to lose him and I’m afraid that he is cheated on me. I try to talk to him about it, but he dodges all my questions. How can I check him?


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MarkJB
Posted

Hey Paladze, thanks for your post. It's never easy when one starts to doubt the fidelity of a partner, for whatever reason. You have valid concerns about your boyfriend's reconnection with his ex, however my advice would be to take control of this as soon as you can as it's clear it's causing you concern, and the situation could fuel further doubt and lost of trust if left to fester.

There might be perfectly good reasons why your partner has got in touch with his ex, but the question is, what are his motivations for doing so? I don't know how you have approached this with him, but it's up to you to confront your fears and communicate with your partner.

You don't say anything in your post whether or not you both feel happy in the relationship or not or whether you love him and want to continue the relationship - regardless of whether he is cheating on your or not. In the absence of this,
I would try to avoid going behind his back to check up on him at this stage. I would advise you to turn it around - ask him whether he's fed up with you, and whether he thinks the relationship is working. Don't put up with 'I don't know'. You need to get to the root causes. Ask questions like 'what impact do you think being in contact with your ex is having on our relationship?' rather than making accusations like 'are you sleeping with your ex?' as he's more likely to close up and shut down. Try get answers to questions in a way where you can draw it out of him.

Lastly, you don't mention in what way he is in contact with his ex, in person or by text? Is he using his mobile more and more and being secretive? Is he out of the house or unavailable more than usual? Does he talk about his ex in front of you? Read the signs - and trust your instincts too.

I hope this helps and good luck!



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Paladze
Posted

Thank you for support! My boyfriend communicates with his ex via SMS. I tried to read messages when he was at shower, but he deleted the history. I tried to talk to him many times but he always dodges my questions. I don't know at 100% if he cheats or not. I don't want to lose him. But I won't be tolerant to his infidelity. So there is a question: how to check him?


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Paladze
Posted

I know it is not right to spy on him. But this is the only way for me to be calm. A person who had a similar situation advised me to use spytomobile app and I installed it on my bf's phone. It is really stealthy and works good. Now I can read his messages, see his calls and see his location on google maps. My fears were grounded. I have found out that my boyfriend doesn't write to him first. His ex tries to return him and my boyfriend answers his questions but without big interest. But yesterday night he visited his ex's house and he had been there for 40 minutes. I packed my belongings and when he came home I asked why he was so late, he lied to me he was at work. I showed him the history from spytomobile account. Then I took my bags and left him. He didn't try to stop me he just said he was sorry.

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idaho
Posted

It's crap a app, a few friends used it and it never worked.... also you gotta know your boyfriends phone unlock code, anyone with half a brain would know to change that right away...


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Posted

tell him to piss off if he's cheating on you,not worth it.


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Ari_Shmary_Canada
Posted

I agree with Cheeky, you should tell him to piss off already, if you havn't yet, it's not worth it believe me. Thanks for sharing also.


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