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At this time of the year many people are overcome with loneliness some choosing to end their life. I live in a community of old people and it isn't easy for them at this time of the year. Some don't have family while others are estranged from them and a lot just live too far away. (Just an aside: a great holiday gift would be to reach out to someone who is alone--invite them for a meal--take them to a movie--spend part of your day talking to them.) The one thing everyone can learn is that living alone does not mean being lonely!

Gay people are particularly vulnerable at this time and need a little attention.

It took me 50 years, 4 exes, innumerable mini-affairs to realize that I prefer, enjoy, need to live alone.

I make/am a great friend, adviser, listener but as a life partner a dud. It could be I am too selfish, unwilling to compromise when it comes to ME, unable to sustain a physical relationship with one person or a million other reasons. And it's NOT that I haven't found the right person--I did in 1981 but it couldn't/didn't last.

Why do I like living alone and don't feel lonely? Let me tackle the latter first.

I have very close friends. If I want to go out to a movie or play, attend an event, spend time at the beach, share a joyful time, cry on someones shoulder or just talk they are available. If I want to have a physical encounter I have a group of people to call upon.

Now as to not being/feeling lonely: I have many interests such as reading and writing that take up a lot of my time and there are only 2 things I don't/won't do alone--have sex and eat out in a fine restaurant.

Advantages of living alone:
1) I can come home and not have to worry about how the person I live with is feeling, what kind of mood they are in.
2) If I don't want the TV on it stays off.
3) I can watch what programs I want nor do I have to buy another TV to solve 'arguments'.
4) I have the whole bed to myself.
5) I do what I want when I want
6) I can eat, read or do anything else I want in bed without having to worry about annoying/disturbing someone.
7) I can eat what I want when I want.
8) I can get up or go to sleep when I want.
9) I can smoke, fart, pick my nose, scratch my butt (Oh, I know YOU don't do any of these things) use my fingers to eat (Oops! Maybe I should have listed this separately after the other things mentioned )) without any comments or put downs or silly laughs
10) I don't have to hide anything, including what i watch or put on the Internet.
11) Not having a person talk when I am watching and/or doing something when I prefer quiet.
12) I like to vacation, take trips alone, and stop/see where/what I want for as long as I want.
13) I can be sloppy or neat, clean after myself, or not, without 'nagging'.
14) I can be responsible for myself only and not for someone else.
15) I can have the a/c on or off--depending how I feel.
16) I can say and/or think "I" as much as I want.
17) I won't/don't do anything I don't want to do.
18) I can eat the whole cake, box of chocolates or cookies, bag of potato chips, etc. myself. (I told you I was selfish!)
19) If I run out of something it's my fault.
20) I don't have to lie--not even a 'white' lie.

And the list can go on.

The only advantage I can see to having a live in partner is that when you get old and/or sick someone can take care of you.
Besides all I have seen or read about partners are the problems they had or are having.
Plus I don't have to go through the heartache of a breakup )


Than Q; you've beautifully verbalized my sentiments almost perfectly. Nonetheless, it would be nice to have some closer friends - which I am lacking. I can hope, though.


I am living alone without being lonely.


I have lived alone for a long time and I do not get lonely, I am used to it, but that does not mean to say I would not love to have a lovely young gay guy to curl up in bed with even if it were just now and again.


&Anthony--2-3 hours a week once or twice a week is more than enough and I don't like them young!!!LOL


&Ellis that's what friends are for--and it takes a lot more effort to make a good friend than find a 'lover'


Love the post Martin! I too live alone and enjoy the freedom and flexibility but do miss the idea of having someone to share a home with. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone there to have a natter to after a day at work! I think it works best if you have great friends and active social life so you are not always IN the house. Then you really appreciate it when you go back. :P


Calvon,I have shared a 'home' 4 times---I hate antiques and love modern furniture--that was enought to start arguements!!! LOL
I have no 'design' to my place and love it that way--everything (and everyone) fits in plus I can send them on their way whenever I feel like it and the older I get the more I want ti send them on their way---ealier!!!

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