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Why does it always have to be about sex? - Gay Guys! <3

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Whatever happened to "dating"?

It seems that these days, any guy I meet seems to expect instant sexual gratification.

I remember when I was much younger, and the internet was mere "science-fiction", I'd meet a guy in a bar or somewhere, swap phone numbers, maybe have a little kiss or a bit of a "feel around"... I remember the wonderful anticipation of what was to come, the breathless wait for the second date... Things developed more gradually. Full-on anal sex often wouldn't happen until we'd known each other a few weeks.

Now, it seems like the moment you agree to meet a guy in "real life", there is an expectation that the initial meeting will end in anal sex.

What happened to "dating"? What happened to "romance"? What on Earth, FFS, happened to foreplay???

Is it just a "gay thing", is it a "youth thing" (I tend to go for much younger guys), or has the entire world gone down the same road?

Just for once, I'd like to meet a young guy who wants to meet up for real (rather than in Skype!), but still wants to take things slowly and build something more special than a quick "knee-trembler"! Do those kind of young guys still exist, or are they as much a part of history and my youth as punk-rock and flared trousers?


Sorry Ian but I don't believe in 'dating' as you see it--I was always for 'let's get into bed now and talk later'--I found how someone was in bed was a big clue as to how they are out of bed.
I, also, felt being gay allowed for gay men to not have to go through the rituals or follow the dictates of the straight world and imitate them.
It has also been MY experience that if you don't have sex that first or second get together romance goes out into the air and you become 'friends'--nothing wrong with that.
Romance, foreplay, dating, etc., still happens but AFTER the sex!
Young men want to know if you two are compatible in bed before investing a lot of time And why not?


Personally, it robs me of half of the joy of building a new relationship, and I also can't deny that, to a degree, it scares the hell out of me, because I feel like I'm going to be judged solely on my "sexual performance". I'm not saying there's anything wrong with my performance "between the sheets", but, not being the most confident person in the world, and being quite "uncomfortable" with the way I look naked, it puts me under massive pressure.

On top of all that, I also enjoy "the thrill of the chase", and that, also, seems to be a thing of the past.


Me and my Partner hit it off Straight away, he is a Lot Younger than me, we ended up in bed that night, and our Relationship Grew even Stronger with the Sexual Side of it. If he wanted 2 take things Slowly at first, I would certainly have Gone with that as he is Awesome and Beautiful, But the Chemestry was there. So we do enjoy a very Active Sexual Relationship but we also Enjoy the Boyfriend Stuff as well, like just being in each others company, days out in the country and lots of stuff. I respect everyone's Views on this tread, Just Needed 2 say about me and Scott Thanks.


"because I feel like I'm going to be judged solely on my "sexual performance". I'm not saying there's anything wrong with my performance "between the sheets", but, not being the most confident person in the world, and being quite "uncomfortable" with the way I look naked, it puts me under massive pressure"--and that makes you differnt from every other gay man how???

I've always loved the chase only now I don't care if I catch them or not!!! Why is it a thing of the past for you--you sound like an old man and I am a lot older than you. :O)


I know what you're saying Ian, I'm much the same as you and like to take my time. From the other comments made, I just think we're all different and it's best to go at a pace where we ourselves are comfortable. I don't think you sound like an old man, just careful and I wouldn't want to meet someone who was too fast for me. I love the build-up of a relationship first.


John " I love the build-up of a relationship first." I use to also but at 78 there isn't time for the chase, the buildup and the climax! LOL


Martin, that's great for you but it just doesn't work that way for me. I was a really late starter in life and I have to take it slowly. Horses for courses.


John I understand that--we are all different--I came out when I was 13 in NYC in 1949--a different time a different place (and believe it or not a lot wilder!) My life as a gay man didn't take the path many have except for a certain group of us--not saying it was better or worse just different--people have to know they have choices and can change if they aren't having the life they want/need.
3 things have been consistant in my life: 1) Go for it--if they reject me it is their loss!
2) What is the worst thing that can happen? Nothing
3) I can get to know a person faster by going to bed/having sex with them than talking for 3 hours--are they selfish? Giving? Believe in making love? Touching? Kissing? Hugging? Or just the climax?
Now because that works for me doesn't mean it will work for someone else BUT I believe when someone is looking for help we ALL have to put OUR experineces out.
Just on another note--my friend Allen was a late starter--came out in his 60s after being married and having children--he has had more sex in 10 years than most guys have in a lifetime!!! LOL


1) I'm glad you have that kind of confidence. Personally, I break out in hives whenever I have to "chat up" a guy... Total phobia of rejection!

2) The worst that can happen is the young guy I approach can call me a "dirty old perv" and I can spend the following week feeling like crap!

3) I love to talk... And 3 hours for me is just getting started! ;-)


1) As I said "their loss"--I don't give anyone that kind of power--which is something I had to learn! :O)
2) Again why are you giving someone the power to make you feel negative about yourself? Heck, I would answer "Interested in seeing how 'dirty' I can get?"
3) Yes--we are both talkers BUT let's do it after sex!!! If I am interested enough in talking to you for 3 hours I am certainly interested in having sex with you--for 3 hours! LOL


Martin. I came out when I was around 47 after having 20 years of marriage which just didn't work. I've been in a relationship with a guy which was the best thing I ever did. That was over some time ago and I'm working on another right now but he is in another country. He's talking about moving here permanently and when he does, there won't be much talking done, he's so sweet!


I hope it all works out for you! You are old enough to know what you are doing and I hope you do. :O)

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