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Freedom From Hell - Your WRITES

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So I wrote this story that I'm on the fence about whether or not I like it, I would like opinions because I was sorta kinda going to maybe try to enter it into a writing contest xD and sorry its sorta dark, I wrote it awhile ago when I was in "I hate everything" teenager angsty place!

Freedom from Hell
I whimpered in pain as my shoulder and head hit the hard cement floor. The shock of the fall made it hard for me to move, let alone get up in time before my captor was on top of me, keeping one hand on my head the other locking my neck in place. I felt her breath against my skin as she ran her tongue up my neck and stopping just below my ear. She moved her hand to cover my mouth and muffle my screams as her venomous teeth sank into my skin. It felt like knives piercing my flesh as her teeth sank in deeper, letting the agonizing venom seep into my veins.
When she was satisfied she pulled away, yanking me up by my hair and gripped my chin.
“You’re pathetic” She said, looking at me in disgust.
“At least I’m not a heartless demon” I spit back.
Her lips were on mine before I could react. She kissed me harder, forcing the venom down my throat and bruising my lips from the fierceness. The venom felt like fire dancing along my throat, I could even feel it in my stomach, swallowing my insides in flames. I gagged and choked, the pain becoming more unbearable by the second.
“You should be used to the burn by now, slave,” She chuckled bitterly.
I grunted in response, falling back on the floor and trembling in pain.
“What? Don’t you like it? You chose this life after all, remember?”
God, why couldn’t I see what she really was then? I was running from problems that would’ve kept following me until the day I died if I hadn’t met her. But now I would’ve faced those problems willingly, if it meant I could have my freedom again. But I sold my freedom to her, out of stupidity and desperation.
She came to me the day I thought I couldn’t run anymore, the day I just wanted to give up. She looked like an angel. She was pure, she seemed kind, her voice was soothing and alluring as she drew me into her little trap. She said to me that all I’d have to do is be hers forever and she’d protect me from the pains and troubles of the world for all eternity. I said yes. Little did I know what she actually was.
She took me down with her, I’m not sure where I am but I do know this place isn’t a place that could possibly be on earth. She trapped me in this room, every night I’d go through the same torture, she was merciless.
“I’m your angel remember?” She’d say as I beg her to set me free.
“We made a deal, you’re mine” I hate those words. I hated belonging to her.
The time past, and I lost track of how long I’d been here, it could be months, maybe even years. Either way, I knew I wouldn’t be free, I stopped begging for freedom and just took the pain she kept causing me. If I could break free I would, but this room has no doors, she doesn’t need it, it’s just four walls and a window with bars across it, letting only the moon light up the room. There was no sun; at least, I was never conscience at the time it would be up.
“ Damn you, you got blood on my clothes!” I felt a slash across my face, snapping me back into my reality.
“I’m sorry master” I choked out, keeping my head down and waiting for more pain to come.
She took the knife out, making my body tremble and my heart beat faster in fear at the sight of it and the knowledge of what was about to come. I knew that out of all the things she does to me, this would be the most painful. I prepare myself for the pain, closing my eyes tightly as she pulls my shirt off, she runs the knife across my chest slowly, pressing it down against my skin and leaving a trail of my blood behind. I move my hand up to my mouth and bite down to remain silent as she runs the knife over my heart and back down my chest again.
Blood has completely covered my body from my chest down, and after the seventh cut, I know I’m close to death, and I know she’ll stop right at that point. She drops the knife, pushes me down to the ground, where I willing collapse from exhaustion and weakness, turns and walks out.
Before falling back into an unconscious state, I pull myself up, taking my shirt and pressing it to my cuts. As I reach for it the moon light reflects on the knife, turning my attention towards it. My freedom.
I stare at the knife, quickly pulling it to my chest and holding it as if it would disappear in seconds. I could be gone; all I have to do is end the torture myself. I don’t need to think twice about it. This is my way to freedom. My only way to freedom is death and if I wait too long this opportunity will slip out of my grasp.
I take the knife and point it to my heart, closing my eyes and bracing myself for whatever pain I’ll experience. It can’t possibly be worse than what I go through every day here. As I draw the knife back, before stabbing myself, my captor reappears.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” She screams and lunges for the knife.
But she was too late; I plunge it into my heart and scream out in pain as I feel the life run out of me from where the blade is.
“Freedom…” I manage to say as I pull the knife out and wait for death to consume me.
I drop the knife and wait… and wait… and wait.. Nothing happens.
“Stupid slave, you can’t die.”
No! I pick the knife up and repeatedly thrust it into my chest, screaming and pushing it into my skin harder with each stab.
“Why are you doing this slave? I thought you wanted to spend eternity with me? You wanted to be rid of worldly pains, I gave that to you. You’re mine forever remember? That’s what you wanted.” She said calmly, kneeling in front of me.
“I never wanted it this! I never wanted to be your slave! Being your slave is like living in hell!”
With that she took my head in her hands gently and stared at me apologetically, stroking my cheek with her thumb.
“Oh slave…”
“Who are you? What’s with you?” I stare back her with fear and disbelief.
“I’m a fallen angel… where you are now, this place is hell.”


Wow! Awesomely powerful. It drew me in, I could she the room and the moral of the story is clearly, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!"


I really enjoyed reading your story, love the way you write, dark and a little erotic


a well penned tale great job 8-)

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