Vanilla

Kinks are strictly off-limits!

For some, nothing less than a brutal shafting with a sex toy that resembles an instrument of torture will satiate their ravenous appetite. However, others prefer it tamer. Significantly so. Freshly laundered sheets. Lights out. Eyes closed closed as they assume the most conventional of sexual positions. Kinks are strictly off-limits. Such individuals fall into the Gay Vanilla category. But the problem with categorisation is that it’s open to change and differing interpretations. Particularly in the marvelously mucky business that’s sex.

Think vanilla ice cream. The plainest of flavours. Minus any additions. No tangy sauce to titillate your taste buds. And certainly no chocolate chips. Boring, some may say. Similar assumptions are made about being Gay Vanilla. Indeed, the term is frequently used as an insult. Because we all know that gay men can be amongst the judgiest of peeps. Typical Gay Vanilla sex acts include the good old-fashioned hand shandy. A blow job. Minus tonsil tickling. And if you’re lucky, some anal exploration. But slowly and gently does it. God forbid it gets too heavy. Broadly speaking, Gay Vanilla is used to describe anything that’s not part of the kink or BDSM sphere. But the issue here is that people’s views on what constitutes heavier sex vary. Often greatly.

We now live in an increasingly kink-positive world. Hurrah! Not before time. This had a marked impact on how we classify different types of sex. There are many plusses to this ongoing shift in attitudes. Experimentation is celebrated. Shame is diminished. But simultaneously, a different type of shame appears. Yes, Gay Vanilla shaming is a real thing. And it’s built on the idea that if kink doesn’t get you hot and wet then you’re a tedious lay.

Being open and honest about your sexual proclivities is the key here. Some things simply won’t work. Someone who demands a dildo like the leaning tower of Pisa to hit his sweet spot ain’t gonna gel with a guy who considers some light fellatio and fingering daring. However, if the chemistry is there, work it. Remain open to possibilities with your new lover. Explore. Take the time to understand and excite each other's bodies. And avoid assumptions or judgments. Above all, remember that no two people have exactly the same response when asked what is Gay Vanilla or kink. Both are a spectrum of opportunities. Never let categories become a barrier to meaningful connection. And potentially mind-blowing sex. Ready to mix up those sexual flavours? Start by joining Gays.com today for free.