I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees and I manage time efficiently. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Chile, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have won bullfights in Sa