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Self Proclaimed Poem?? - Poetry Group

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Posted

Alone in life
Tears to myself
In spite of liberty, give me DEATH
I will gladly accept the undying fate of eternity below the surface

Only if I was someone else
Maybe you would like me
I feel like crying
Every moment you reject me
The tears I have inside
Break the change of chaos that's a case of insomnia inside my nuclei

Hopefully the day will come
When I can realize my feelings were a mirage
And I can break the bonds of depression and sorrow that come from the self fulfilled thoughts of being alone
Maybe someday
Hopefully one day
There will never be a day


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Posted

well this is just my opinion...but you don't have to take my word or anything if you feel that there is nothing to change or whatever...your poem could be good as is...but i sense an emptiness to this poem...it lacks something...it lacks depth...i just don't feel the sadness or depression...the words are there but the feeling itself is not...again you may feel that this is good as is...and i'm no professional poet...but that's my opinion...i hope it helps you improve your poem...if you feel that it's necessary to make some changes...


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Posted

I'm always open to criticism. Everything needs changes, so do you have any suggestions? I wrote this just as me venting on my iPod and badly made it into a quick poem lol


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Posted

well 1st of all...please explain the story of the poem...and what inspired you???


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