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Katena

What do you think? - Poetry Group

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Katena
Posted

Ignorance Of Truth

Thou art more lovely then your charming smile,
I may not be yours, but I will someday,
Although, I’m waiting for you all the while,
You seem so close but yet, so faraway,
I may lie to friends, about you sometimes,
Some people like to discriminate us,
To you. this sonnet is some bizarre rhyme,
It’s annoying, when people start to fuss,
But yet we remain solid, and sturdy,
Are ignorance is, what keeps us alive,
All of us involved, will always worry,
We may go through tough times, but we’ll survive,
Now, this bizarre sonnet will go to rest,
But we will, always remain at our best,

May get published, so im curious if I should fix any punctuation?



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Posted

sounds great...umm...just 2 corrections...i mean i don't know if they're even mistakes to begin with but...well feel free to correct me...

It's annoying, when people start to fuss...(maybe it's just me...but i'd replace "to" with "a"...people start a fuss...again it's just me...)

Are ignorance is, what keeps us alive...(umm idk if this is an honest mistake or if it's meant to be that way...but i think you meant to use "our" instead of "are"...again maybe you meant to use "are" idk...)

i'm not really a professional poet...so i may not know things here and there but i hope i was useful...i loved the title...i'm kind of dramatic yet powerful titles...so i guess that why i love the title...but i really liked the poem...and well you use a.b.a.b rhyming scheme as i do...which makes it fun to read...i like writing rhymes...good job...


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I have had 3 published.
On the second line maybe just make it more simple by saying "I hope to be yours someday"
far away is two words
discriminate against us (as there are also positive ways to discriminate)

To you. this sonnet is some bizarre rhyme,
It’s annoying, when people start to fuss,
(These two need better flow and you look as though you are trying hard to rhyme and you really don't need to.)
To you, these thoughts may seem bizarre but
but I just want to tell you how your smile gives me a crush (this is not good either) but you start the poem off with charming and then talk to much about what other people think.
Express that, but get back to what you want to say to that special person.
LIie we may have struggles with the way the world spins these days but we will find each other and someday be happy.
You have good thoughts but just need to keep the starting thought alive because it was so beautiful.
hope it helps.
Sometimes when I look at my poetry again I end up rewriting the whole thing over. There is nothing wrong with getting others opinions. I will share some with you too some time soon and you can critique me too.


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I like the title but make it solid to the thoughts relating to the title. Do you want to talk about the love you can't have or the discrimination that still exists in our society?


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