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Jony_Star

My Spiritual Breakdown... - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

well today has been a crazy day for me...i was talking w/my cousin about having her sweet 15 in Cali...& she said she had no people to invite to her party...and i told her that our family was more than big enough...but my aunt quickly cut me off and said no we don't...she's my mom's sister...and her family has gone through traumatic events...& it all started when their parents died in car crash...but anywho...2 of my mom's sisters still hold grudges against their family...i've heard both of them express that the rest of the family is worth shit...of course i don't know in full detail what my mom & her siblings went through...i know some stuff here & there...but my mom doesn't seem to hold a grudge as my aunts do...anywho besides the point...it pains me to see the pain they carry because of their unwillingness to forgive...but really most of my sadness comes from my own unwillingness to forgive my father...i've always told myself i've forgiven him for all the pain he's caused me...but when something bad would go down...all my anger towards him comes out...as if i had never forgiven him...now i'm not a very religious person...i'm somewhat religious...and one of my aunts is involved in the church...she reads sometimes in church and attends a bible study group...this is another thing that i disagree with out religion now days...most people often pick and choose what they want to believe...in the case of christianity and catholicism...catholicism being my religion of course...Jesus taught us that even the worst of sinners are worthy of forgiveness...because we are not perfect...and often people use that excuse to buy their way out of not forgiveness...often i've heard phrase...may god have forgive you because i will not...in both english and spanish...as if God is the only one with the power to forgive...we forget that we were made in God's image...and by following his teachings we too can have that same strength to forgive one another...we all know Jesus was able to forgive all of us...people say it was because he was a divine man...but people also tend to forget that even tho he was divine...he was also a man just like the rest of us...proving to us that it is not impossible to forgive...sorry for getting all religious on you guys...but i've had a spiritual breakdown today...also went to the bathroom to cry a little...ok somewhat of a lot...but silently cuz i don't my aunt & uncle to start asking questions...but you know...i hope maybe my experience can help those that are in a situation like mine can also find the path to forgiveness...cuz i know the 1st thing i'm gonna do once i get home is to finally forgive my father for all that he has done...& finally let go of all this negative energy that has been lingering inside for so long...so i want you guys to reflect a little bit on your lives...and if there's someone you haven't really forgiven...take that journey...and finally put it to rest...for some it may not keep you up at night...i know mine didn't keep me up at night...but it poisoned me from the inside...and you could say i'm finally being detoxicated...now i truly believe that God works in mysterious ways...i'm not all that into church...yet i'm the one having the spiritual breakdown...lol...anywho...again i apologize for the religious topic here...some people have said i should be a priest...but well i'm not all that religious as i mentioned before...i only strive to be the best person i can be...but funny how i sure can preach...well i'm also sorry that all of this is super long...but man can i type...lol...well that's all i have to say guys...thanks for taking a really long time to read this...feel free to leave any thoughts or comments as always...


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Richard_Edwards
Posted

First let me say I go to a church (mostly gay and lesbian) which is about spirituality, not religion. So Jony, you can have a spiritual experience without it being part of a religion.
I still have not completely forgiven my ex bf for the many things he did to me. I'm working on it and I have made some progress, but the angry thoughts keep coming back. I hope to get there one day and be able to let go of all of the past.


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Posted

me too Richard...my heart has always hated conflicts...and well i think it's about time...that i mean it this time...because aside from not being healthy to keep holding grudges...it's really not good for the soul...so aside from my spiritual experience...i've gained some healing along the way...and i thank God for that...beause i've been trying for far too long...well i'm writing a poem about the journey of forgiveness...so be ready to read another poem...i hope it turns out good...i was going to write one about the 4 seasons of the year...but it seems like i have something else that's more important to write 1st before i write about the seasons...


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

I am the last to say any thing about religion I am spiritual and I believe in god but not the church . I god earth is our church and be with nature and the power of god with us. It helps me deal with the war and other things. When we came back from Viet Nam the spit on us and treated us like dirt. I had a lot hate and it was my only for me to deal with it so go out in the fields or forest .and talk to the man


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Richard_Edwards
Posted

Jony, I look forward to your poem about the journey of forgiveness.


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Posted

Jony, I am sure you have helped and blessed many people today, includung myself.


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Keith_Imeson
Posted

jony religion has cause more death and destruction and hatred. history has proven that. you don,t have to have religon to be good


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Posted

well i can't really agree with you when you say that religion has caused more death, destruction, and hatred...there are those unfortunate people who have used religion to push their personal agenda...and with that they taint the reputation of the religion...they are the ones who are responsible for the death, destruction, and hatred...of course you don't have to have a religion to be a good person...religion guides us to the path of morality...what is good and bad...but as i said people can be good regardless if the have a religion or not...


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

You are right about that Jony If look at the word of god and not the yahoos pushing it you might see


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Posted

i mean it's really true...we can't blame religion for what people do...


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Keith_Imeson
Posted

god is not so good either he destroyed the world with the so called flood i would call that a mass murderer


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Posted

well he did tell noah & noah tried to warn everyone...but they thought he was crazy...that's the people's fault for not listening...i mean seiously...if someone is warning you that something dangerous is gonna happen...are you gonna really stand there & wait for it to happen???...besides that was the old testament God...the new testament taught us that God is not one we should fear...but someone we should embrace and loves us...he sent his son to pass on a new message and new teachings...anywho...you have your beliefs and i have mine...you think religion is evil...and that's fine...i don't convert and i don't really argue religion because things can go back and forth...and really it's never gonna end...my religion, my God is good...maybe not as perfect as other people think it should be...but well that's my choice...and i don't regret it...will never change my mind...God is good...maybe you don't need him...and i may not necessarily need to believe in Him to be a good person...but well it doesn't hurt to believe in something...and believe it or not...i've had my one on one with God...and he found his way to my heart...as corny as that sounds...so it'll be hard to convince me that he doesn't exist...cuz i know he does...


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

He dose exist Cause if He did I would have been dead a long time ago I been through a lot of things Would normally Killed but I am still here and if any buddy that has be to war can verify that


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Posted

yea everyone has had their different spiritual experience with God...mine was thru a spiritual retreat...in fact believe it or not...i felt that it was God's reassuring love that gave me the strength to come out...because you know how some of the church followers back then still protested against homosexuality...so they taught me that it was wrong...and God didn't love them...but well God opened my eyes to his love...and well reassured me that he loves me no matter what...and well ta-da came out "Gay Jony"...lol...


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

@ Jony Just keep up the good work and people will see for themselves. Your words have a lot of wisdom in them so do all you can


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