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Jim_Staley

What to do about my ex???????? Can someone help me? - Gay Guys! <3

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Jim_Staley
Posted

Hi I am hoping that one of you can help me out. Back in Dec my boyfriend dumped me after running into his family when we were out on a date. After this happened he stop talking to me. To this day I don't know why. Last night when I got home from work I had the TV on the news and there was a story on about a man killing a dog and getting 180 days in jail for it. Now I love dogs and have two so this got my attention. Come to find out that it was my ex that did this. He said that he was on drugs when this happened. This is a side of him that I never have seen of him and I now know that he is in a very bad spot in his life and going down fast. Now here is where I need your help. I have been in AA for 11 1/2 years so I know how bad he is right now just by his pic that was on. I still care allot about him and this is killing me to see him like this. So should I try to send him a letter and let him know that I still care about him and let him know that I am here to help him if he wants it or should I just stay away?


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David_Dubber
Posted

Hi Jim,

Presumably his family did not know of his sexual orientation which is the reason that he stopped talking to you after you both, accidentally, bumped into his family. Sorry to learn of the latest news but feel that he may welcome a letter froim you. 'Not a luvy duvy'' type letter but one of genuine concern and then see if he replies.


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Rod_Bell
Posted

@Jim Staley. Do what isinglass your heart & spirit to do. Have clarityin your mind what you have. In mind and stick to it.


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

This is one time I don't think I can because things just fell apart on me but maybe Mike can give yu some good advice


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Posted

being on drugs is no reason for killing the animals i have been on all kind of drugs in the past i never did them things and wen i did deside to stop drugs after a 20 yrs period i just stop no adiction center i even stop smoking cigarette in 1979 cold turky after smoking them for over 25 yrs two pack a day i did speed i was injecting myself even ,cocane ,acid .mda' mushroom i never did erroin.and extacy but i smoke marianna stil for medical reason


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Posted

Jim, just go with your gut feeling.


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

Some that can bite you in the ass like it did me


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

@Jim first I would say that his family Then I like to ask if he was doing drugs when you too were going together??? For what he did to the dogs He needs to be in jail for a bit of time..Now comes the hard part you know in your heart you need not be with this guy because it just might set you back ]...I don't know you but give you all my best wish for staying clean.....Congrats...As far as a letter goes I would write him and tell him as a friend that he needs help and that you would like to help only if he helps himself first...Because and you know that if he does not want to change he is going to do what he wants too..Be there as a friend send that letter and tell him friends only you will be there if he wants your help and nothing more..When he gets out and looks you up make sure you take him to a AA or NA meeting right away....Please don't get back together wiwth him untill he is clean for awhile...Again congrats on being clean for so long...I am proud of you for that and I know that you are proud of yourself..Hang in there and help him one day at a time to get through all of this....Best of luck...


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Jim_Staley
Posted

Michael thank you for your help and all of you guys for the help. When we were going out as far as I know he was not on drugs. I know that he had a past with drugs and got into some trouble. For his family he was not out to them but his older brother is gay and out. I think we did not stay together because I am older then him and he was afraid what they would think of him. Yes I know he needs to be in jail for what he did and I am hoping that this will give him the in site that he needs. But it still hurts allot to see this happen to him the Kane I was dating was the most kind, caring, and giving man I have every meet in my life. If it was not for him in my live I don't think I would be her today. This is why this is hurting me so much for him to go from the man I new to this guy in jail it is just mind blowing to me.


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Posted

Hello. Having seen other people in a not dissimilar situation, though for different reasons, the nicest and kindest thing you can do is to help the man get on his feet again. Doing it does not mean you want him back- it means you recognise that a friend in need is a friend indeed, as the old saying goes. If that enables you both to talk about what happened to you, as well as him, then you might both benefit from it, but do it out of friendship not possible gain. I suspect you know all this already. If so, then don't stop, if not then think hard about doing it. Good luck and take care


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Posted

do it if it makes u feel better,but beware that he mite come knockin on ur door for help,,he may take you down too again,,u maybe stronger now,,he may have changed..i have the same problem with an ex boyfrend,who is now an alchoholic,,i dont drink...he asks for money for his drink problem,,he 4gets where hes going wat hes said...i stay in touch n help,,but from afar..hes went to one AA meting then said he wasnt an alchoholic..thyen he gets his cider bottle out..3litres,, and its gone by lunch time,,he askes me to buy another,i say no,,n leave,,,hes invited me to go with him to AA..then withdrew the invite..i have to keep my distance as i stil love him but i cant let him make me ill again,,i already have acute genetic heart disease n any stress starts my angina off,,,hes 41..im a couple of years older..i use him for companionship,,he uses me as a bank,,good luck..as i think u do know wat u r goin to do..respond isnt it..get in touch,, tc xx


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

@Jim while he is in jail be there for him and help him Get him to understand that what he did was wroug and that he needs help..Not only with the drugs but there is something deep inside of him that is hurting..Show him that you are there to help for now but please don't let him bring you down...All he might need is to talk in group (AA-NA) but I think he might need other help too..Best wishes to the both of you and please keep us inform on what is happening...


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

@ Jim If there is any thing we can do to help you to through this let me know I do what I can if is only prayers


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Posted

just found out my ex is hiv+ which is quite a shock,,i feel a little unhappy tonight..as he wanted to get back together..im neg,,hes an alchoholic..very confused


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

Do you love him it is not all about sex you know so he is hurting and needs help dose that sound about right to you so love him


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Posted

yes i know its not all about sex,,but he is very sexual..ive had this before yrs ago but 2 partners have died of same,,2 died of cancer n a heart attack...hes an alchoholic too..which ive had problems him b4 with this,,,they cant tell u truth from fact,,,i loved him,,,i dont know wether i want o go thru all this yet again,,i already have axcute heart disease.mant failed ops n angina galore


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Jim_Staley
Posted

I just want to let all of you know that I sent him a letter this morning let him know that I do still care about him and I am here to help if he wants it. Now I am sitting here hoping that he will write me back but I have a feeling that he won't. I feel very depressed right now because I care so much about him. I have been where he is when I was using


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

I see were you are coming from it is a tough decision for you and if I can help in any way let me know I will keep Prayers out for you


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

@Jim if you been through it then you know what he is going through..You know that the mail goes slow in jail and should not worry right now..It will be a few days before he gets it then it is going to tae him abit to write back...He might need alittle money to get stamps or maybe you can call down to the jail and if it not that far away find out when he can have visitation and see what he has to say...You have made your dicision so wait for the answer and in a week you don't hear from him then go see him...


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