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Jony_Star

Why The Rush To Love??? - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

so i was ranting on in Gene's previous topic...but i actually wanted to create my own topic...nowdays a lot of guys i know are rushing into relationships in a desperation of finding their one true love...and well of course i try to advise them to slow down...but well i can only give my advice...it's not like as i'm gonna enforce it on them..and well some people have also put up w/a lot bullshit just because they think they're in love...i mean i know that there's no such thing as perfect love...besides if there was...i'd have to admit...it'd be pretty boring...but anywho...sure we get into arguments with our couples and disagree on stuff...but i've seen some friends & even family lose their dignity for trying to keep a man at their side...and it's like are you serious???...seriously your dignity is the worst thing anyone could ever lose...and they convince themselves that it's alright if the other person treats them like shit...and well when the relationship ends...then they start over...instead of learning from their previous relationship...sometimes they'll go back to the same thing...and they rush into another relationship...even tho the other person is not that commited...they rush in saying "i love you"...and to me...i don't throw the word "love" around as if it was something cute to say...i say it when i mean it...another thing is they want the relationship so bad...that they convince themselves that it's real love...when really by the time they figure it out...it was only lust...or the guy cheated on them...time is something we have on our side...and what's meant to be is meant to be...this is what i believe...other people believe that there is no such thing as love...but well that's their belief...and i'll just agree to disagree on that...because some people have gone thru so much hurt that they've given up on themselves and that soulmate...cuz to me...one day i'll be searchng for that special someone and the only thing that will keep me looking...is the thought that somewhere out there he'll be looking for me too...if he isn't already...lol...but you know...that's pretty much all i wanted to share...feel free to leave any comments...& give me your opinion, thoughts, and feelings about love...


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Gene_Lewis
Posted

you are so right, it's not just our world. you hear of women staying after going through so much or they lose themself and if something happens they don't know who or what they are in both worlds. i've had friends that couldn't go on and then jump in another relationship a week later


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Gene_Lewis
Posted

after my last comment it dawn me about a girlfriend of mine who would just be getting out of one bad relationship and turn round met some new guy and have in move in before the bed was cold from the last one. that would be ok, but she, at the time, two small children. and with her no matter how bad the relationship was becoming she would stick out because she was so scared of being alone. i mean years upon years. being hit, mistreated mental and even her children would be on the bunt of some of it


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

Well it could be like I know there family were mistreating them and it carried on with them one abusive dealing to another. I have seen it happen


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Santiago_Montoya
Posted

i think all of us sometimes feel alone and we look for someone really quick,
but we need to be patient, that is no easy sometimes


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

I think that is what Jony was saying..Sometime we need not look for love are say I love you to fast....


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Posted

well sure i'm not gonna say i don't feel alone at times...but that doesn't mean i'm gonna jump on the 1st guy that wants to get into a relationship with me...and well in my current situation i'm not ready to meet anyone...and don't want to...because i need to work on myself a bit...it's like i said...if you need to work on yourself and make some changes...then do so...and when you're ready for the love world...then go for it & find yo man...but at a steady pace...get to know him...& also give him the chance to know you...Gene...i know what you mean...i really hate how women who have children change men so often...i mean what a way to mess up your child...i mean i would think that they'd wanna find a great father & to do so...get to know the guy before you introduce him to your children and then if it's gonna get serious...then hey you got yourself another dad for your kids...and you know he's good for you...not to mention those mothers who rush into the relaionships...& next thing you know...the husband ends up being a pedophile and raping the children...ugh call me crazy for watching too much tv...but these things happen...& well it's unfortunate...when it comes to picking the right guy the moms need to be more serious about looking for a new relationship while having kids...cuz those kids should be the 1st priority,,,Mike you always get me...Dennis...i do have a problem with people who believe that their abusive behavior comes from genetics or coming from an abusive home...in fact...it would be more logical that if you didn't like being in an abusive relationship or household...you would choose to actually live differently...i find it that sometimes even though according to our age we're considered as adults...really we can be little kids when it comes to making excuses for our behavior...because i believe that every person is responsible for their own actions, thoughts, and feelings...it may sound a litle harsh or insensitive...but again this is one of my beliefs...i'm not gonna blame anyone else for what i do...i'll admit that i used to...but well i've grown out of it...


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

It is not always the fault of the husband or the wife it goes back when they were a raised in an abusive home and it was the only life they knew. The person I am talking about where abused since they where little kids


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Posted

I actually found myself nodding to a lot of things you said, Jony
I agree some of my mates are rushing into relationships that don't last any longer than like a week or so! They either hate being single or as you say want to find that special someone, which they won't find without giving themselves a bit of chill out time (meaning staying single for a bit)
I agree with taking things slow in a relationship, you meet someone have a date but it's not actually wise to start a relationship after the first date, cause you don't actually know that person properly (I learnt that the hard way)
Over the years I have learnt a lot about myself and about the course of relationships and it I realise that you need several dates with someone until a relationship can actually work, in my opinion! I recently found a boyfriend after dating for around 2 months or so, he asked me out and I felt like we knew a lot about each other and I said yes lol, anyway I'm drifting away from the topic my point is that I believe a relationship has more chance of working if you know about the person first before jumping from date one to relationship, relationship is a big step from dating!
Love, that is a big word to use and no there is no such thing as perfect love, nothing in the world is perfect!
I never say 'I love you' to anyone unless I actually mean it, I also realise that you don't 'love' someone after having a relationship for like 10 minutes, love takes time to grow, could take weeks maybe around a month until you actually love someone, again that's my own personal opinion, and I would never say I love you to someone just because they said it to me, love is a strong and big word!
I have also seen some people lose their dignity just to keep someone by their side and it's just ridiculous why would you want to be with someone who make you lose your dignity just to keep them? NO!
I'm 19 and yes, time is on my side, I believe we all have a special someone and we all find him/her eventually , when I go into a relationship I always say to myself 'This could be him' meaning my special someone but I don't think too much into and just enjoy the relationship and take it how it comes
This is all just from my point of view, I respect everyone's opinion if they are to disagree
Thanks for taking your time to read this


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

I think there is a lot of truth in that but when it happens it will be like a ton of bricks hit you and you cant think of any thing else so be pa cents time will tell you may be surprised. I hope it all works for you


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Gene_Lewis
Posted

most everything said here are very good points, but what is a relationship. do any of y'll feel that that word is different for each person? meaning some may feel that going on a few dates then giving up the candy store is a date. where some may feel meeting a person for the first time and already they are in a relationship. like i said about my girlfriend after one end she would start righ away into another, where my other friend mets someone and maybe after six months well start saying she is in a relationship. with the second person it's the slow and study getting to know one other before she makes that claim. also do you feel that being gay makes a different, that we as a community are so scared of being alone that we jump at the first person that shows any kind of sign that we don't what to miss out on this maybe it? and richard i feel that when you are older, for some not all, you are a little better at starting a relationship because you know a little more about what you are willing to take and what you are willing to gave to make it work.


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Posted

ok i'm just waking up & saw they were a few comments came to check it out...tho really i should wait cuz when i wake up...i'm all stupid...misreading things...umm...but anywho yea...Richard i'm glad you agree...again cuz i'm just waking up...i thought that when you said you were nodding...i thought you were nodding as in disagreeing...but i read your whole comment...& i was like wait he sounds like he's agreeing w/me...then i saw the happy face...i was like ooooh...he's agreeing...lol...silly me...Dennis...i know it's hard...but again if the person didn't like it...& get the obvious conclusion that their parents life was miserable...why even do the same???...why not stay committed to the change???...well Gene...you don't really have to be older to know...you just gotta learn from your personal experiences...you've had only 1 relationship...i've had 6...but if it only took one time for you to learn something...that's great...it took me 6 unfortunately...& well doesn't really matter how many bfs it takes as long as we learn what we want & how to look for those type of relationships...


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Posted

I had so many guys say they love me and I knew every time they just wanted to get into my jeans. I respect a guy far more if he says he wants sex and not that he loves me. I like honesty. I only had one guy I actually loved (cept for my Dad of course but that different) and he was awesome. but there have been a few i have wanted to have sex with, and maybe more than once. I guess that could be a relationship, but it is not LOVE!! Jony and Richard you say a lot of sense


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Gene_Lewis
Posted

but don't you think that the older you get the more you learn about yourself and the understand what you are willing to accept from the another person. as for me it works that way.


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

This could be betwixt to lovers but it is hard when the family try to guide you in another direction


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

Yes Gene as you get older you do learn more about yourself and what you want..But don't you think that as you get older you might want someone to be there when you get home..


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Gene_Lewis
Posted

yes sometime but i think that as you get older you can truly size a person up and when he comes into the room you can look and tell no this ain't going to work turn around and go on with that mess, or yes i can deal with this. i mean i think you know yourself well enough that you won't put up with the same shit you did when you where younger. not to discount being young, some young people are muture and been through some things where i already know what they are willing to deal with or not. where some older people are so scared of being alone that they jump in without truly thinking what could happen or even really know that the guy they are dealing with a seral killer(LOL)


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

of course you Might wind up with someone like Gene


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Gene_Lewis
Posted

ok is that a joke becausee if you are lucky enough to hook up with a bitch like me you are the luckest person in the world, because i know im a damn good caugh


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

Yes Gene I am quite sorry that Dennis was joking...but any man should be happy with you because you know what you want in life...


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Posted

well just came back from doing some yard work...& saw that there were a few comments here...& now that i'm fully awake...there are no misunderstandings this time...haha...ok 1st of all...i also respect honesty Dean...and for that type of honesty i have one simple answer..."ok then i'm sorry you need to look for someone else...because i'm looking for a relationship...my days of sleeping around just for fun are over"...that's my answer for if someone were to tell me they only wanted me for sex...cuz at this point i know the type of guy i want personalitywise and all...& well after i'm done working on myself a bit...as in getting a job...& having some $$$ to get my life together...after all that's set...then that's when i'll start looking for my soulmate...Gene...well as you said there are some young guys that are mature enough...and in fact that's what i kinda meant...it all depends on the maturity of the person rather than age...Dennis i too hope you're joking...this topic isn't meant to turn out hostile...because i seriously have very low tolerance for people who make such hostile comments putting other people down...or at least trying to put other people down...so if you're gonna keep having comments like that...then i suggest you keep them to yourself...oh & Gene...i agree with you...any guy would be lucky to have you...because i'm sure you're a wonderful human being...& like any human being...you deserve to find love just like anyone else...& i hope that if you decide to make those changes & start looking for someone...that you find that special person meant just for you...


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

you might thought I was making a nasty comment at Gene but I was not because I like Gene I think he is great guy and good friend.


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Posted

Jony, I guess that makes me a not too nice guy then cos I am not ready to settle down yet and I need sex some time, it just gets too much to just do it to myself all the time. So I guess I'm slut or something and i will keep my thoughts to me in future, sorry I never meant to upset people.


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Dennis_Mix
Posted

It still early for you you young and when that time comes you will know But enjoy your young life


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Posted

no Dean...you didn't upset me...and you're free to make you're on choices...if you wanna just have sex with people that's fine...it's not wrong...i used to feel that way myself...but i'm a different person now...and i want to settle down...we're all free to make our own life choices w/o having to be judged...so i'm not judging you...you're a great guy Dean...& i want you to know that ok...Dennis ok well i hope so...maybe even Gene himself didn't know that you were joking...maybe you should type in jk or just joking so we know...cuz as i said i have low tolerance for people that make bad comments...& it gets me upset...because of all this cyber bullying that goes on...& i think it seriously needs to end...


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