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Nikki_Leong

Need advice. Help? - Lesbian Ladies

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Nikki_Leong
Posted

I've been in love with this close friend of mine for more than a year already. I met her in college. We were in the same course and same class. My feelings for her was kinda obvious and our circle of friends in college knows about it but we pretend as though it's nothing and never talk about it. She's straight and she just broke up with her boyfriend around 8 or 9 months ago. When she broke up with her boyfriend, she started ignoring me and I was really depressed about it but she started talking to me again after 2 months and we became closer friends. We are a 'couple' among our friends because of how close we are.

Last week, I stayed over at her house for the first time because we had a group assignment that we needed to do and that night she made a move on me. I was confused and I went along with it. After that she told me that it's our first and last and it will never happen again. Obviously, I was not happy about it but there was nothing else I could do. She keeps asking me to get a girlfriend so that I will forget about her.

The next day, while we were talking on the phone she said she missed me and wants me to go over to her place again. I did and it happened again. After that, the way we acted around each other was as though we were a couple. Long midnight phone calls, planning dates for our semester break and stuff like that.

When I asked her about why she did what she did, she said she didn't know why. She doesn't have any feelings towards me but sometimes she is sexually attracted to me. Lately she's been depressed and doesn't want to talk to me. She's still not over her ex and she's always mentioning him around me. She misses him and she wants me to tell him that she misses him. I told her I would do it after our finals. It's in 2 days.

I don't know what should I do. I can't concentrate on my studies.


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jessicazylee
Posted

Even without considering the fact that she is heterosexual, you are definately in teh friend zone. you're someone safe that she can connect with. She knows you wont hurt her or such, due to your attraction to her. She can say and do whatever she wants, and you'll be there. In a way, she is taking advantage of your feelings [it may not be on purpose, or even consciously].

right now, you don't have the time or luxury to think about this. Cut her off, at least for the next few days until after finals; you'll thank yourself later for it. Good luck on your finals.


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Posted

I think dating a really close friend is very confusing. For her she broke up with her boyfriend so I expect she was feeling quite upset and wanted to be with some one. You were the closest thing and she knew you like her so she went for you. Then she felt really guilty and confused about it, being hetro shes also not used to being close to some one of the same sex so probably was also confused about this too. As long as she talks about her ex thats kind of a bad sign. As long as your thinking of her you wont really be happy or able to find some one who will love you back.

Like Jessica said you should concentrate on your studies, you can find some one any time. Good luck!


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Nikki_Leong
Posted

I already know that she's taking advantage of my feelings. The way she treat me is different from our friends. She's always letting out her frustrations and anger on me and I don't know why but she likes to smack me a lot? The pain is nothing (I used to cut myself) but she only does it to me. She also have these mood swing where sometimes she would totally ignore me or sometimes she would be this happy-go-lucky girl and be really nice to me. I've been hurt quite a few times (emotionally) but I can't bring myself to break off this friendship. A few of my friends noticed this and told me to tell her off. I did but it didn't work. Maybe because I'm too soft on her and always gives in to what she wants?

Recently, I met this girl, B, in college. She's my junior. My cousin and classmate teased me saying that B had a thing for me. I told her about it and she got all jealous about it when I added B in Facebook. And whenever I see B in college or when her posts pops up on my news feed, she gets all angry about it and doesn't want to talk to me.

She practically have her fingers wrapped around me and I don't know how to free myself from it. A part of me don't want to because of my feelings and the other part wants it to stop because I'm hurting and I don't want to be toyed with.

I can't really ask my friends about it since what happened last week is a secret. They'll definitely get mad at me for letting her treat me like this. Actually they already are but......

Yeah, I really do need all the luck I can get.


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jessicazylee
Posted

Excuse my for saying this Nikki, but it sounds like this girl is "toxic". she's controlling, jealous, and takes advantage of people's feelings. Trust me when I say, though it hurts, you need to break it off. And I know what that feels like, I had to seek counseling after the end of my relationship with a toxic man.


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Posted

forget her, move on, plenty of time for the future


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Nikki_Leong
Posted

Jessica, I so agree with you. And I know I have to break it off but I don't know how. And I don't know how to face her if I did.

I doubt I can forget her - yet. I will be seeing her everyday in class and we sit beside each other. 1 year till graduation.

Good news is I managed to get her off my mind for awhile and studied. First paper is in 12 hours. I hope this concentration of mind would last till the end of finals.


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