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Dalton_Turchiano

Life - Poetry Group

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It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right.
I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

Maybe one day I will wake up and it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok .
When I was younger crying always seemed to be the answer. Now that I'm older crying seems to be the only option.

I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts to much to hold on anymore.

They say I'm always happy, and that I'm good at what I do, but what you'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actor too.

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.

Tired of living and scared of dying.

I don't necessarily want to be happy; I just want to stop feeling miserable.

Don't fall into the trap of pretending everything's fine when you know it isn't.

I'm just learning how to smile, and that's not easy to do.

Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone.

When I die I want to be remembered as the boy who always smiled the one who could brighten up your day, even if he couldn't brighten his own.

Death is “-God's “way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left.

Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten time more.

You start life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time where you look back over where you have been and wonder who you really are.

I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.

I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get though anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering.

Maybe I am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.

I love sleep. My life has this tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.

I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you can't; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing that's in the inside.

Even the people who never frown eventually breakdown.

How can you understand me when I can't understand myself?

I hate what I have become to escape what I hated being.

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well I've tried that I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear.

Let no one think I gave in.

The pain is there to remind me that I'm still alive.

It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall.

Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall, can't be weak,

Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart.
Some of us are trying to get a job. Some of us are trying to get into a high class school. Some of us are just trying to get through the day without falling apart.
Every night before I go to sleep I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. I try to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All I can see is a past that I barely recognize any more.
There's a smile on my face but I don't know why it's there... I put it on to satisfy all the people that don't even care.


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Posted

very deep an good


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interesting poem. I have not read your profile but by the way the poem sounds you are around teenager years I think. If this poem relates to you which I am sure it can it normal to feel all of this I know as I have been there too. At the age you are now16-17-18 are very tough years because not only is the body changing but also the mind and then we need to find a place in the world as we start to think about our futures and then if something bad happens during that period it makes it even harder. I feel for this person in the poem and understand. One thing I do know that smiling and laughing helps the brain instantly. We can smile even when we are low to put on a front but deep inside we are lonely, confused, and maybe even bewildered and its all too much on your plate. The economy makes it even harder too this I also know. I learned something by reading about some Hawaiian mind therapy and it has helped me just recently and things are actually starting to change in my life after 2 difficult years. When I lost my job I was devastated and could barely get out of bed. I was angry, bewildered, and of course depressed. But I hated this feeling so I started to write poems more than I use to and this helped to cleanse my troubled mind; then I looked into self -help guru,tribal stuff, and found solace in the ho'oponopono not sure if that is the correct spelling but its close and it has to do with acceptance of who you are and how you cannot change what is but can change yourself. Attitude, with fortitude, which is never giving up even though are mind is saying I cannot do this. So meditation of any kind can help by finding peace in your mind and heart and as a stepping stone to future enlightenment. "I love you" -to love yourself and others, "Please forgive me" for any hurt I have put on anyone and forgive myself for my own mistakes and for not believing in my own power within myself; "I'm sorry" - for doubting and not accepting what I can not change; "Thank You"- for everything I have received and for helping me find my way. These four phrases in a meditation state have proven to heal diseases, the mind,and return you to a happier person. The world is cruel and get take us down if we allow it but by accepting, and returning the energy you have inside of you. everything changes and slowly you will start to see a transformation and more receptive positives in the world around. I promise you that!!

I just wrote this poem last night for my daughter who is 30 and also going through some old memories that are keeping her from getting over simple hurdles in her life. I wanted to share this with you and anyone who reads this and hopefully you can understand what it is saying, which is letting go of the pain, finding renewal, and your true self. It's important too to feel the pain and not run from it but welcome it so it go through the process and can finally leave. Peace to you my friend and I wish you a safe journey in your coming life.

“Feel the Pain and Let it Go”

To decide,
And make your choice,
You must be ready,
In your minds eye.

When you look,
For easy answers
By others ideals,
And not your own
You confidence,
Will dwindle,
Never finding
It’s hold.

Fear grabs us,
Like a rusty nail,
Penetrating,
Seeping in,
Carrying
The poison,
From within,
And the only way,
Is to face
The demon,
That tears you down,
By breaking
Through the barriers,
And moving,
Swiftly,
On.


Embrace it,
And let it,
Course,
Throughout your body;
From inside
Your trouble mind,
Release it;
And experience,
The cleansing of,
Fresh beginnings,
With,
The inner you,
Coming out,
Feeling new,
Fresh,
And reborn,
Like a baptism
To a new life.

Acceptance,
Is part of the game,
That hinders,
Our progress
When,
We put it to shame,
And turn our backs,
Against the truth,
That bears the gifts
That we could see,
Inside us.

Change,
Will only happen,
When we see the light
That illuminates
With,
An open mind,
And only those,
Who understand it,
Can see the answers,
That stand,
Before us,
Letting,
Dragons fall,
And be quieted.

Jeanie Rose 7-22-2011




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KAREN_WENDI
Posted

im sorry did u say thati was a teenager or did i misunderstand u? ty
k


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nice poem


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KAREN_WENDI
Posted

deep and true... xoxo k


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Catherine_Roberts
Posted

Hi Hope you don't mind me saying Dalton but your poem was so heart felt.
i'm not teenger i'm 43 and i still feel like i'm dying inside it hurts so much.
I just want too thank you i feel so alone i just wanted to die even i don't want too if you get what i mean.
i'm glad i came on here even though i know other people do feel this way,
today i felt really bad so you made me feel i'm not alone thanks xxx


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KAREN_WENDI
Posted

'' THANK YOU CATHERINE ! keep writing ur blessed my dear xoxo k


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Thank you Catherine, I am glad you enjoyed what I wrote to Dalton. So is Dalton you because you did not want to show yourself because of how others might judge you? Or were you referring to what I wrote to Dalton?
What ever the case maybe no one has the right to judge anyone, not even God. The poem may be something you may understand then and I express it as and mean by it mostly by how fear can keep us from moving forward because we let it control us. Fear is a feeling, just like depression, anxiety or anything else for that may tear us down. It is okay to feel those things but it is not okay for those feeling to control our lives. We have have a unique brain with millions of cells and lots of energy that controls our body functions and our thought processes so it has the capability to change its thoughts and patterns. Even people with strokes learn how to use a limb over again by using a different part of their brain. It is not easy task but if you want it badly enough "Mind over body" is a medical and spiritual fact. I have felt like you do and I have finally found a way and my depression is almost none existent now. When I was out of work I could not afford the medication so when I had some money I bought some St. John's Wart and take 300 mg. twice a day or the tea helps even faster. I also take melatonin to help me rest completely with the St. John's at night and I also believe in the power of prayer. When I was at the point of giving it all up and just laying there and asking the Good Lord to take me, before I did that, I said if you have other plans for me please send me a message, guidance of any sort to help my painful soul and body. My sister taught me the mantra that she learned that has healed many people from so many things; I'm sorry, Please forgive me,I'm sorry and Thank you " while you ask for yourself and anyone you know around you that needs help and put your hands over your heart, pressing your thumbs together; an old Hawaiian tradition from this famous psychologist and it is working for me, and for 1000's who were mentally ill, had lost everything, depression, and so on. We do need to believe in a higher energy as we all are made up of energy and my poems are philosophical to help me when I am feeling low and I share them with others. I am glad my words have helped you Catherine. We are not alone, even though we may feel it, but if we want to be better we can be as it is our minds that help us heal and even if you do have depression like myself you can conquer anything if you believe you can. Trust me, it has worked for me. I wish you well and feel free to send me a private e-mail so others who are not offering any insight don't bother us. You are loved!!


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Posted

excuse me the first part of that mantra is actually "I love you, Please forgive me,I'm sorry and Thank you.!


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Sorry Catherine you were talking to Dalton and not me. I read it wrong. But anyway hope what I have said also has helped you. Found your profile. My bad!!


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Posted

-claps-


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KAREN_WENDI
Posted

JEANIE THAT WASBEAUTIFULLY SAID..I AM INVOLVED WITH DIDDA YODA SO I ALSO ENJOY THE SPIRITUAL BUDDISM HINDU ETC
MY MANTRA FROM MY GURUS ORIGINALLY NITYANANDA THEN '' BABA'' THEN GURYAMAI
MY MANTRA ''OM NAMA SHIVA'' AND HAM SAH'' STILL THE MIND AND THE BREATHING AND ALSO HEALS THE HEART THE SOUL AND THE BODY
I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS AS WAS MY MOM AND DA
BEAUTIFUL COMMENT U WROTE
''thumbs up '' go gf go!!! xoxo karen


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KAREN_WENDI
Posted

excuse me hit thewrong button ''sidda yoga'' kundilini not hatha
xoxo k


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Catherine_Roberts
Posted

Hi Jeanine, it's ok just worried about Dalton.
I belive in God i do belive i have a guardian angel looking over me,but too be honest i'm not into it as much as you.
sorry hope you don't mind me saying don't want too offend you
i'm glad it help's you though
hope you don't mind sometime on here too share loads of poems i've written
mostly of how i feel
it's my way of expressing myself and i do alot of art aswell
thanks for getting bck too me xxx


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Messed up last entry :
“An unexamined life is not worth living. The unexamined past is not worth possessing; as it bears fruit only being held up to the light continuously, and is as changeable and as full of surprises, pleasant and unpleasant as the future.” Brendan Gill – American Critic, author and journalist. 1914-1997

11 days ago by Jeanie Baker


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