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Jodie_Walinga

prop 8 - Poetry Group

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Jodie_Walinga
Posted

for those of you who dont know me, i want to be a writer. when prop 8 came out i was in a relationship and we could not walk down the street without someone staring or commenting. soon her parents found out about us and told her that she couln't see me anymore. so it inspired me to write a little something that i never had the nerve to publish. tell me what you think....

the wind blew her hair
the ends tickeling my skin
i'm really going to miss
this blissful moment we're in

we want nothing more
than to be joined as one
but the laws of the land
claim this cannot be done

look how they stare as
we walk down the street
hand in hand they judge us
from our heads to our feet

why cant they accept it
or try to understand
that marrige is for everyone
not just a woman and man

but dispite what you think
and dispite how you feel
this love if forever and
this love it real

now, i cant say that we ever saw eachother again because her parents moved to kansas but i know many women and men who have felt this way about the ones that they love. so give me your imput because i would love to hear from you


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Posted

um many guys to suck a lovely poem to


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Jodie_Walinga
Posted

betta? lol


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Mark_D_Masters
Posted

Don't be constrained by the rhymes and pay more attention to spellings. Godd work.


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Jodie_Walinga
Posted

lol thanks


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Posted

nice felt emotions and you could even add more to it if you want. Great start.


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Posted

emotions to an the rhymes make it even nicer


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Jodie_Walinga
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Racheal_Peterson
Posted

very nice


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Posted

wow this is great fantastic I love so heartfelt and hones I'm saving a copy of it now


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Jodie_Walinga
Posted

thanks Raymond it means a lot (p.s. no copywrite lol )


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Rochelle_Ross
Posted

I liked the meaning, nice Jodie.


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Posted

It has potential. I have to agree with Mr. Masters that you ought not get caught up in rhyme. Look for symbolism and feel the flow of your soul as you write. One of the most important things I was taught in school was "show, don't tell." That's the secret to good writing. Keep up the good work!


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Jodie_Walinga
Posted

Thanks guys


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