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Kayla_Montney

i could use some advice.. - Lesbian Ladies

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Kayla_Montney
Posted

i'll try to keep this as short as i can. basically, i was dating a girl for a while, and we broke up because, well, i messed up. a lot. but lately, we've been talking and we've realized that we're still completely in love with each other. i've changed a lot, and i honestly think i can be great for her.
the issue i'm having is the reason she won't be with me. her parents are not cool with the idea at all. her dad doesn't like the fact that she likes girls, and her mom is just afraid i'm gonna hurt her again. and probably doesn't want her to date girls.
anyway, my "girlfriend" wants me to visit her, but only with permission from her mom. which i didn't get. and i'm worried that now that it's extremely clear her mother doesn't want us to see each other, that she'll push her feelings aside and cut me out of her life.
so my question is this: should i visit her anyway? we're both adults. asking her mom's permission was simply out of respect. i realize that disrespecting her mom like this will probably make her angry, but i know she wants to see me, and i think after she does she'll be glad i came.
i'm really afraid if i don't see her before she goes off to college she's going to do whatever she can once she gets there to meet someone her parents will approve of. if i can see her just once before she goes, i know it'll be a lot harder for her to push me away.
what should i do??


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Martha_Hermolle
Posted

If you are both adults (as in 18) then parents should have no say in the matter If they can't accept they're daughter loving the person she wants to, it's not worth listening to them. As for the girl seeking her parent's approval, you can't help your sexuality- you can't help loving the people you love. If her parents don't approve now then they probably never will, but if they become bitter over matters of love, over their daughter's heart-felt choice then they're 'approval' should be worth squat to her. But, if she doesn't want to see you over her parents, then you have to adivse her that they don't really have her choices as an adult at heart or you'll have to (with obvious difficulty) move on to someone who gives you less heartache.


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Martha_Hermolle
Posted

Sorry I have more. Also, if you love her, I doubt you'd want to hurt her again. Mistakes should be forgotten and blunders forgiven in the fields of love. :-)


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Posted

I agree with the above. You also forget that she has to make accommodations for you as well. It's not entirely on you to make it work. Also, who gives a damn about what her parents think? She has a will of her own.

Don't be held back by others, do what your heart tells you.


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Tor_Saff
Posted

why not meet outside of the home, that way they have no control over it anyway. i mean you're both adults and should be able to decide whether you're willing to give it another go. surely?


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Kayla_Montney
Posted

i should clarify. i have a place to stay when i visit. one of her friends has agreed to house me for a few days. so as long as no one told, her mom would never have to know i was there. the only thing i'm struggling with is knowing how angry my "girlfriend" might be at my blatant disrespect


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Martha_Hermolle
Posted

Hasn't she noticed the blatant disrespect her parent's are giving you and her? The person she loves and their own daughter?


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Tor_Saff
Posted

i agree with Martha, i mean if you guys are willing to be there for one another and try and work things out because you're in love then how can parents sit by and disrespect that?


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Kayla_Montney
Posted

i've tried to tell her that so many times. it's impossible to get through to her that her parents aren't always right, and she doesn't have to live for them. but i'm hopeful that someday she'll realize i'm what's best for her, and forget about trying to make everyone else happy


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Tor_Saff
Posted

okay i'm just going to say it... romeo and juliet! i know that ended badly but that shit happens because parents try to stop these kind of things happening!


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Niamh_Mulvany
Posted

I was in that exact postion 18 months ago and it didn't work. My ex guardian gave her an ultimateum it was me or the them. of course she chose them, and to be honest I can't blame her. We were together for 18 months and there had always been problems with her guardian. She never liked me because I hadn't gone to college, was older and at the time was unemployed. Granted on paper I was a pretty shit choice but she never took the time to get to know me. I still hav feelings for her and I know shes the same. But I wouldn't wish the heart ache and pain O went thru on anyone. Don't kill yourself trying to convince her, if she want to let her parents rule her life that's her choice, I know that's all easier said them done but it's important to look after yourself too. Good luck


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Kayla_Montney
Posted

wow. i appreciate you sharing that. and i will definitely keep it in mind. i have talked to her a little about a visit, and without coming right out and saying it, i can tell she wants me to. hopefully it all works out. i'll let you guys know when i get back next weekend. keep your fingers crossed!


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Niamh_Mulvany
Posted

Good luck, I really hops it works out for you !!


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Kayla_Montney
Posted

so my visit was a little later than originally planned, but it went super well. i just got back yesterday, and everything between us is great now. she took me back it was the best week of my life so far, and i can't wait to see her again. thanks for the advice everyone


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Posted

ok i'm scared i'll be in this position one day... because i'm not 100% out to the old folks x


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Rachel_Kind
Posted

make a video expressing your love, say what you did wrong, explain how you changed then put it on YouTube. nothing like publicly letting someone know you DA boss!


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