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Felicia_Lynn_Helmick

my poemss i wwote -- monster part 1&2, stars moon rain, cuts - Poetry Group

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Felicia_Lynn_Helmick
Posted

i just kinda need advise/ feedback on my poemss
warning my be triggering


The Monster
what’s the point
why should i try
to avoid every urge
why should i not
pick up the blade
and let it slide down slowly slicing
the skin that lay
slowly begging to blead
watching it drip
just feeding the hunger
and going untill the monster is pleased
sometimes you have to stop
even though the monster is still hungry
when your down
he isnt looking for a few cuts
he wants it all
all of everything
all of your blood
all of your existance
it wants to control your life
how are you supposed to avoid it
something so powerful
something so strong
how are you supposed to do it?
run?
are you supposed to run
run your whole life
are you supposed to hide
hoping it’ll never find you
never catch you
never drain you
why cant you give up and give in
give into the monster
give into the temptation
why not let yourself be drained
why is it so horrible
to me, its not worth trying
if you try to avoid it
the urge gets worse
Ive just given up
ive become the monsters servant
his little play puppet
some say hes the devil
some say he doesn’t exist
but i and many more know he exists
hes right inside og you
he can transform into any voice
he can destroy you
so why not give in
just give into everything
before he destroys you
and you become nothing
why is it so wrong
someone, please tell me
no one ever tell you
about the joy of cutting
the thrill of putting the cold
lifeless blade against your skin
the ecstatic feeling when the blood pours out
as if it were all the emotions escaping
no one tells you about the shivers up your spine
and how good it feels
no one ever says how amazing it is
giving into the monster
no one tells you about the relief
you can finally stop running
finally stop hiding and just relax
im his messenger
now listen to me closely
give into the monster
let him take over
let him control you
then and only then will you
truly be in peace



the monster part two
Have you joined him yet?
Well have you?
Have you felt the true feeling?
Have you embraced his hold?
Let him take over you?
Let him control you?
He’s still calling out your name
He has the keys
To the shackles that you wear
He promises you everything
Just to gain your hold
Oh don’t be silly
Don’t resist the promises
He’s the everything
He’s the everyone
You ever had as he says
Each cut is one more step
Closer and closer
To accepting him
Wait until you become like me
Hacking at every single limp
Attached to your body
And not stopping
Until there is a puddle
Of dark cold blood
On the floor
You continue to feed him
You continue to treat him
Every night
The cold blood drips
You can feel it running down
Towards the ground
The shivers come
The shivers go
People say they know what’s best
People say cuts can’t heal
But with the monster
Inside of you
Lurking everywhere you look
You say back
They can help and heal
Everything
Even if it's just for the moment
For a few minutes everything is fine
The world revolves peacefully
The bird chirps
Everything’s great
But then you leg goes numb
Everything comes rushing back
The next day you’re sore
And still in pain
But it’s a different pain then you’re used to
You feel lighter for some reason
You see your family
Crying
Weeping
Confusion sets in
What’s wrong you say?
No answer
You shout
You scream
But they can’t hear you
What’s going on?
You give up
The steps are covered in bloody foot prints
You see yourself lying on the floor
Laying down
Pulse gone
Hands cold
With only a blood puddle on the floor
You gave too much
You followed him to the end
Listened to his words
You worshiped him
He betrayed you
Manipulated you
Mystified
You head back to your family
The hurt in their eyes
The puddle of tears on the table
Eyes swollen
Eyes red
Head sulking
All mourning
Even the little ones are silent
All that silence
Not a sound around
You scream at him
This isn’t what you promised
You said id be free
You said id have everything
Look now! My family’s hurting
I can’t feel a thing
Im gone- you lied
He covered in blood
Sits by your bed
No my dear child
Your free – no one is holding you down
You said you didn’t want to feel pain
Now that’s true
You got what I promised child
You are no longer a use for me
Be gone!
Im done
The monster lies
He can manipulate you
Don’t follow him
Run, hide
Don’t follow him
Look what happened
This isn’t what you want
Feeling numb to everything
Even happiness
Being no one
Wondering alone till the end of time
He’s calling your name
Don’t give in
They joy is temporary
He’ll drain you
Then turn on you
Run child run
Don’t let him catch you
Don’t be another me
I was drained then thrown away
He doesn’t want you
He wants your soul
He wants your blood
He wants your body
This is the final warning
Just run
Deny temptation
Ignore everything
Im no longer his messenger
No longer his puppet
Just a lost soul
With no one
Im gone empty
Nothing can bring me back
It’s all over for me
But it’s just the beginning for you
Stay strong and enjoy life
Don’t be empty
Don’t accept the monster
Deny the promises
Ignore his temptation
Deny everything
When you’re with him
There’s no warmth
Just cold lifeless hate



Stars Moon Rain
By Felicia Helmick ‘11
Look at the sky
See the stars shining bright
Each one stands for a lost soul
Forever shining bright

Look at the sky
See the falling stars
Each one falling at a different pace
Standing for a losing soul
Fighting to stay alive

Look at the sky
Try counting every soul
That’s ever been
It’s impossible

Look at the sky
See the moon
Shining in the air
Every night a new dent appears

These dents are lives
Lives that are fighting
Not an illness
Not a for
Nor friend
But yet, themselves

Look at the sky
Can’t see the moon
Can’t see the stars
Well there’s a reason

For all those fighting
When there is a cloud in the sky
Someone is trying to die

Look in the sky
When there’s no moon
Someone has succeeded
While others weep

Over a possible loss
When someone almost succeeds
Everyone is scared
Sitting bedside

Waiting for them
To fight and survive
Some are strong
And won’t let the ones around them weep
They fight every second
Those are the ones who survive

When it rains
Those are tears
Tears from lost souls
Who haven’t survived?
Even those who have no one
Are still cried for
No not ever will the tears stop
Never but always
Will the fall

Look at the sky
See all those stars
From those who have died
Weather taking their own life
Or having something or someone
Take it for them

Just look up at the sky as you sit
Knife or pills in hand
Gun to your head

Look at the sky
Tell me
What do you see?

Those clouds
Those stars
The rain
Or the moon
Or nothing at all

It all stands for something
That is why night is dark
And day is bright

Do you really want to be?
That one start, one dent, one rain drop, one cloud
Do you want there to be
One more moonless night

Please stay alive for those who care
Even if you feel alone
Remember those rain drops
Could be about you

Weather you have
No one or everyone
Think of your friends
Think of the nurses
No matter what
There will always be at least one
Raindrop for you

So look at the sky one last time
And stay alive






Cuts
By Felicia Helmick ‘11
Looking at my arms
Feeling the blood drip
Thinking I can control this
But now realizing what I’ve done
I realize I cant
Thinking one day ill get better
But knowing I wont
Maybe one day people will care
Can I really control them?
Can I control this compulsion?
So that it can’t control me?
Until that day
I will allow my arms to drip
I will allow things to be this way
I will allow this way
To be the way I express myself
As more and more blood seeps out
These cuts are not cuts
At least to me
There how I stay alive
There how I fight myself
My battle wounds
People look
People talk
Because of the scars I have
Will they ever give me a chance?
And get to know me?
The girl who hates herself
The one who allows blood to drip
Not because I enjoy it
But because its how I deal
Will anyone care?
Will any one understand?
Will these tears ever stop?
As they continuously stain my pillow
I fight the tears that fall down my face with the blood on my wrists
I can’t help but wonder
Wonder if one day I can slip away
Slip away from everything
By slipping to deep
To deep in emotion
To deep in flesh
I watch my blood poor
But I don’t tell a soul
Because they will never see
That these scars are my addiction
My disease
My only way to stay alive
I will not let my cuts define me
But yet
Be the one who defines my cuts
I was once someone
I was once cared for
Now I’m the one who does the caring
All eyes
All stress
On me
Everything falls on me
Everything is blamed on me
Weather its my fault or not
Please allow everything to fall
Not just my life
Not just me
I mean everything
My feelings
My responsibility
My whole being
My last drip of blood falls
I’m gone
The only thing that will stay till then end of time
Are my cuts and scars


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