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Alexander_VanCleave

I'd like a solution... - Gay Guys! <3

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Alexander_VanCleave
Posted

So... to kinda get everyone up to speed, haha, I came out to close family and friends about 4 months ago, i hadn't really thought anything of it, i always thought my dad was going to freak, turn's out he's happy that I'm happy. So the other day, my Father, brother, and I we're riding in a car together, and my Dad cracks a gay joke, and I yell out like "I'll be the judge of that!" so we both laugh, but my brother freaks out. I was really close to my brother till he moved away, and now, he is a good Catholic boy and he has a problem with me being gay, and i can't really make a new brother, so what can i do to try to lean him over to be more excepting, or at least get him not to hate me quite so much?


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Jon_Buckby
Posted

Its hard to try and change peoples opinions without making things worse, if you have the support from the rest of your family then maybe you could all try and talk to your brother into dropping his homophobic views?


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Hello Alexander and welcome. Let me offer several obserations. You can accept or reject whatever I say. Just offering some insight.

First off I am also a catholic who is OUT and Proud. I attend mass at a Catholic Church in Boston where the pastor is very much open to ALL people including the gay community. Infact we have a Rainbow Minstry! Yes in an Archdiocesan Catholic church! It is not without controversy but that's another issue.

Second You are in Mormon country being in Utah., I am sure that some of the homophobia and prejudice your brother has may stem from there even tho he is also catholic. I have a suggestion. Try to keep open the doors of communication with him. If you are still attending mass and feel comfortable then maybe go with him. But under NO circumstances allow him or anuyone to make you feel less than a decent person. Remember God made us all, male and female as well as gay and straight! My tkae is some of us are gay to control overpopulation!

Another idea might be to get a few positive gay theme movies such as DOING TIME ON MAPLE DRIVE, Latterday, just to name two. There are many others.
Your brother is holding on to fundamentalism. Try to still love him as a brother. Talk with him. Remind him you are still the same brother he grew up loving. You are just not willing to hide your deepest parts because he donsnt feel comfortable with it,

God loves you and all of us. Make sure he is made aware of that. And above all don't let him quote a few obscure passages from scripture. Remind him that Christ spoke of unconditional LOVE! And he NEVER spoke ONE WORD about being gay and God know there were many of us in Jesus' time. Remember all the quotes of "The disciple Jesus loved", Remind your brother that THAT is open to interpretation.

Hope I have been of some help. You don't say how old you are but I assume 18 or so.. Drop me a line if I can be of further help... And remember you ARE a good person and God loves you...

Dave


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Tach_Chew_We
Posted

welcome to the groop enjoy your stay and iam glad you family accdepts you for who you are and your happy


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Ryan_Bistarkey
Posted

Alexander,
I know it is tough when people that are close do not accept your lifestyle. However, I think you need to show your brother that you have not changed. Your homosexuality is only part of who you are. Hopefully, over time you can demonstrate what it means to be a gay man. Be a positive role model for your brother. Guide him through the process of adjustment without judging his dislike towards you. I hope this helps.
-Ryan


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Posted

my suggestion is to give it time...my brother had a little hard time accepting it...but then i don't know how your brother is like...mine is a go with the flow kind of guy and well nothing really seems to phase him...or at least doesn't show it...well he didn't understand at 1st...he thought maybe i was confused...but after some time...he came around and accepted the fact that i was gay...now he's even crackin the gay jokes...maybe it's just a matter of time...this is still somewhat recent four months...can't expect everyone to accept you as easily...but in time it will happen...just remind your brother that your the same person he knows...just because your sexual orientation is different doesn't mean you've changed completely...but as i said...just give him some time...and if talking doesn't work...well then just give him some space & allow him to take it in...that's all he needs...everything will be fine..


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Antony_Terrance_Parker
Posted

I My agree,time softens peoples opinions usualy.My Dad was very homophobic but by a year later he was welcoming me and my boyfriend and asking us to go out for a pint with him.Fingers crossed,i am sure your brother loves you just doesnt understand you.


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Posted

Hi Alex, i am a good old Catholic Boy, and thing's hav changed a lot in the last few year's and ppl hav become more Liberal. So in a Catholic Country like Ireland, being Gay is really Very Acceptable. I really hope ur brother can try and understand there's no type of pill u can take 2 make u straight, but u have got 2 be happy and ur brother will come round at some stage.


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JJ_NN
Posted

things change,thanks God !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! literaly !!!!!!!

JJ


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Trevor_Crowe
Posted

I think the best thing to do is to live your life the best way you can and tell your brother you wish he could accept you for who you really are. Trying to change him may only make him stand strong in his current beliefs. He may come around when he sees you living your life in a confident truthful manner.


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Alexander_VanCleave
Posted

Thank you very much everyone for your help, and advice, I've already started to implement it, between me, and his girlfriend, he can now at least sit in the same room as me, forward progress.


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Posted

You got some good advice on here Alexander,good luck mate,it will be hard,and it takes time just bare with it,my brother thought that i was a different person because i came oput gay,but over time i showed him by being me that i hadnt changed i was still the same zany person lol,just my sexuality was different from his,im sure it will sort it self out.


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

my whole family hates me because i am gay. i had broke away from my family. if your brother can not love you for who you are then maybe you need to tell him that you are you and if he dont like it then you dont have a brother any more Alex


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Posted

my whole family rejected me not only because i was gay but because i had a disability, thats the way it is i'm afraid and I am 65. When your family rejects you, their is no love or respect for when iwas 14 as a son,brother uncle etc. I have spent years worrying about it,but in the end you just have to forget them,i can't say get on with your life, thats why i am now a lonely old man..


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Posted

it's great that you're making process...i hope it keeps getting better for you...just give it time...it'll be even better...


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