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Kristoffer_J_Martin

Relationship Status is...? - Gay Guys! <3

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Kristoffer_J_Martin
Posted

So, the proverbial problem of men seems to be the very problem plaguing me. Let me say this first, I don't have a habit of falling in love, personally I hate the concept of it in the first place. Frankly love is just another word for abusive tendencies marked up by chocolate and make up sex. Normally in my right mind and not effected by endorphins or alcohol, or the lovely adrenaline rush caused by pheromones, my mind stays in this perpetual state of "don't fall for this guy, don't fall for this guy." Yet here I am and I think I might just have fallen for someone who has no interest in me what so ever.

And isn't that the stink of love? We're brought up on this concept of fairy tale happily ever after clichéd (even mentioning the concept in a rant is clichéd now...) hope for some sort of prince in shining armor to come to your rescue idea of what love is supposed to be. When it turns out that most of the time people don't care, or worse think "you're sweet but we're not well suited to each other."

The ironic bit is I have full plate armor that is shining that I could theoretically ride up wearing, but I suppose that's not the point now is it? To think for a moment that someone who is gay can actually fall in love and be happy with someone is entirely new to me. I suppose that is the formerly repressed now disowned part of me trying to grasp at what life has thrown at me. How can I care about someone so much and they just don't seem to care at all?


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Well Kris.

I would say,"life is a bitch and then you die",but that would make it too easy. I ask myself though,why would you care for a person that doesn't care for you? Personally I fall in love everytime I see a good looking guy walking down the street,but it's just a fleeting moment,then I come back down to reality. Now have you tried talking to the guy? If so and he still doesn't seem interrested then I would just move on.

They say there's plenty of fish in the sea but i'm a terrible fisherman. I've giving up on love and spend my time just having anonimous sex while getting drunk. i'm sure some of the other guys would have something better to say,but I think you should go for whoever goes for you.


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Kristoffer_J_Martin
Posted

I care about him because I see myself in him, and its not like we're not friends, but there is no romantic interest on his part. I have talked to him but the potential for a relationship is hindered by his inhibition and fear, and probably because I'm an American and he's a Brit.


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Kris
I would be interested in what you and he talked about. Can what you perceive as no romantic interest from him actually be his fear and inhibition getting in the way of his ability to show feelings? Also as Americans, we can have an ability to be more outspoken, shall we say, could that be playing to his fears and inhibitions as well?

If he is afraid to show love, or if he is afraid that saying that he loves someone would bring about expectations that could embarass him, like holding hands in public, his responce could be to deny those feelings. Just like you have had specific views on love in the past, maybe his views of love are coloring his current actions and words.

Maybe the approach is not to talk about love, but talk about what your friendship means to each other. Talk about both of your fears and inhibitions. Maybe you will find that there is no romance, but that there is love. Maybe you will find that he has the same feelings for you but is afraid of what showing those feelings will mean to his personal image. You don't say that both you and he are out. If he is in the closet and in denial, he has to get around the idea that he is in love with a man before there is going to be any sort of romance or relationship, and that also plays into his fears and inhibitions.

Basically, I am saying that I think you need to deal with his fears and inhibitions. Once he is able to get past his inhibitions, you may find out that the feelings are actually mutual.


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Don't be silly Kris.

It has nothing to do with you being an American. We Brits are very reserved by nature, what all or most gay men are frightened of is commitment. If there is no romantic interest on his part, which I take you to mean "love" and the potential for the relationship is hindered by his inhibition and fear, have you asked him what he is frightened of? There are a lot of gay men who fear being found out, they do not want any one straight thinking their gay, so they have to pretend to be "Normal" is this what your friend is frightened of. I myself like straight looking me, but they do not like to let on in straight circles that we are an item, I had a relationship for over twenty years but if we were in straight company he would not treat me as his partner, You can't make anyone want a relationship with you Kris, that will drive them away. I suggest you just keep him as a friend, as sometimes, friendship can turn to love. But don't push him.


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Kris

It has nothing to do with you being an American. We Brits are very reserved by nature, what all or most gay men are frightened of is commitment. If there is no romantic interest on his part, which I take you to mean "love" and the potential for the relationship is hindered by his inhibition and fear, have you asked him what he is frightened of? There are a lot of gay men who fear being found out, they do not want any one straight thinking their gay, so they have to pretend to be "Normal" is this what your friend is frightened of. I myself like straight looking me, but they do not like to let on in straight circles that we are an item, I had a relationship for over twenty years but if we were in straight company he would not treat me as his partner, You can't make anyone want a relationship with you Kris, that will drive them away. I suggest you just keep him as a friend, as sometimes, friendship can turn to love. But don't push him.


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Kris

It has nothing to do with you being an American. We Brits are very reserved by nature, what all or most gay men are frightened of is commitment. If there is no romantic interest on his part, which I take you to mean "love" and the potential for the relationship is hindered by his inhibition and fear, have you asked him what he is frightened of?


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Kris.

Have you asked your friend what he is frightened of.


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Kristoffer_J_Martin
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Well the context of my being an American and he being British is that I'm an international student, I'll eventually be going back to the US.

Frankly, the only reason why I know its fear is because he said "he just doesn't let people get that close". But I have talked to him about it, his disinterest is clear. Though why he's disinterested and why he has that fear of a relationship, I don't know. Its also rather difficult as he's moved to London and I'm in Aberystwyth still (and stuck here for the summer)...


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Kristoffer

well we all have our moments when we're turned down...i've had mine...sure it feels a bit bad and awkward...but it's not that bad...we just have to keep searching for our soulmate...i've had 6 relationships...had i not ruined my only perfect relationship i wouldn't be single...but that's my mistake and i have to continue my quest to find love...because like everyone else i deserve to find that special person who's meant just for me...as do you...you deserve someone that's going to make you happy and you can both share your love for each other...as Daniel said...you can't really push this guy...because that is something he has to do himself and for himself...so it's for him to decide when and how he will face his fears...as also is your choice whether to continue looking for your soulmate, prince charming, or whatever you want to call him...but hang in there...there's always a light at the end of every tunnel...whether you choose to head towards it or not is always up to you...


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

i am partnered already sorry


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