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Jony_Star

I'm An Emotional Mess... - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

today is just a very vunerable day for me...in an earlier discussion i wrote a poem about losing one of my best friends...and as i'm telling my other best friend about it...i'm getting way too emotional all over again...i gave her my trust...my life was an open book to her...there were no secrets between us...or so i thought...but the trust between us was one-sided...we were always a fun pair to be with...and we were so distracted on having fun and hanging out...that life was passing us by...and we weren't doing anything with our lives...she asked me about a yr ago...to give her some space...she wanted to take a whole year for herself...i figured i was holding her back...because i know for a fact that i'm probably even holding myself back...wasting time living a fantasy...spend a lot of time dreaming instead of doing something to make that dream come true...i don't have a job...tho i can't say i've really given it all 100%...aside that it's kinda hard to find a job nowdays...the fact that i'm an illegal immigrant isn't really an issue anymore...because i see everyone struggling to find a job nowdays...but it is harder when you actually don't have a social security number to work with...i can't go to school because i'm broke...but anywho...i figured i'd give her the year she asked for...i wanted to see her...because i felt alone that day...my best friends are all scattered...one lives in a city an hr away...working hard trying to move back to pasadena so we could be together again...my other friend is a little distant...in the past we had some sort of attraction...but i never really wanted to act on it...because i didn't want to risk our friendship...i don't really have a good record of keeping my ex-boyfriends around...and neither did he... and after a year had passed we made out in 2 different occassions while he had a boyfriend and we were drunk...so we're having some kind of space...and well she was the only left...and when she turned me down...i lost it...and ended the friendship...i don't know what to think of it....could she be hiding something from me???...is she trying to protect me in some way???...was i really holding her back???...it's hard to think when you have these wonderful memories...and trying to find a logical reason...but nothing makes sense...my emotions must be clouded my mind...all i know is that i'm one emotional mess...and that's why i have chosen not to look for a relationship right now...and i'm only looking for friends...i mean what kinda guy would want to get with someone who has nothing going on for him???...i feel like i have to get out of this hole 1st...before i decide to bring someone into my life...because right now...i'm just an emotional mess...wow...i wrote a lot...looks like today is a very vunerable day...but hey at least i feel a little better...


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Jony I have shated with you before, If I can be of any help please email me. I think you have my perosnal EMAIL. If not do so thru here and I will help you in any way I can.. You have been there for others on this site,. Noe its our turn to be here for you...
You are a good person. As for the illigal thing depending on a variety of items you may be able to get a green card which would entitle you to work AND then you could apply legally tocome a US citizen.
Let me know if I can be of help...

Dave in Mass


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Posted

*hugs* You have your friends here Jony. Not physically but we're here for you. :-)


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Posted

thanks guys...it's easy for me to help others throught their problems...but as for my own problems...it's kinda hard...as for my citizenship situation...i got 3 options...wait for my parents to get my process to go through after they get their citizenship, get married, or join the military...wating for my parents is gonna take a long process but i guess that's the only thing i could do...i don't want to marry anyone just to get my citizenship...and the military...i really rather not...it's not for me...if i'm an emotinal wreck now...i'd go insane inside the military...so...nothing else but to wait...politics is not my thing...but with immigration on the line...i have to keep up...anywho thanks guys...after venting this out...i think i'll be fine...


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Leonard_Garnick
Posted

hello Jonny-----I know what your going thru. As you know I am in Canada, I work with two Mexican immigrants here. Their work visas run out and they had to go back to Mexico to fill papers out or whatever they do. I have no idea of cost but I do know it can be done. If I can ever do anything for you, I'm just an email away. Contact me anytime


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Posted

sorry to hear that Jony,i will be praying for you,and hope that everything works out for you-hugs-


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Tach_Chew_We
Posted

jony things awleys work them self out, take a few deep breaths and take baby steep pone at a time set what you need first and work your way from thereone steep at a time , and you know you have friends here to help you if thay can


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Posted

it's ok guys...i think being at home all day...and not having my best friends with me...has made me a little emotionally unstable...but i do feel better now that i've vented everything out...my baby girl saw me cryin as i was writing all of that...and told me not to cry...which made me cry even more...because she's such a special child...even though she has no idea what's going on...she doesn't wanna see her big brother cry...it's so sweet...but anywho...i'm grateful enough to have my baby girl in my life...she's the only thing that keeps me going everyday...


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Homer_Bozarth
Posted

jony, if i was closer to you i would give you a big hug and say hang in there. maybe she needs her space. maybe you need to ask her whats going on. if she does not want to be friends any more then it is time to go and find different friends. maybe it is for the best just to walk away. then again maybe you should stand by her side no matter what. who knows she might be attracted to you and she dont want to tell you because she is scared that she might get her heart broke knowing that you are gay my friend. if you need to talk more just e-mail me here and we will talk more. i am a good listener and i do not expect anything in return. your friend always.

Homer Bozarth


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Posted

you know Homer...that's actually not the 1st time i actually someone's told me that she may have been attracted to me...even though she knew I was gay...i heard it in high school...and my current boyfriend at the time said he could sense that she was jealous...i told her about those two things...and she laughed...said that i was like a brother to her...and there was no way she was attracted to me...so that made me feel better...but like i said...there could be so many reasons...but i don't know if i'll ever know or understand them...only time will tell...i just hope i have the strength to forgive her and take her back...if life ever offers me that chance...but it's kinda hard to trust her again...so we'll see what happens...


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Posted

Thinking of you big hugs and please take care.


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Dave_Mack
Posted

Hope U R doing OK Jony. Email me if you wanna shoulder to lean on...
Dave


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Posted

hey jony, you're doing it ruff right now. however im sure when you've had a serious cry and your emotions clear you'll find there are many people just waiting for a great man like yourself - your in a hole - but it how you treat the hole that's important - just sit w/ your hole (i meant rut - lol) do some sorting of your feelings - their may have been a part of you that was pushing them away - for some reason - how were they respecting you - where your at! The main person that needs you right now is yourself and your sweet lil daughter. You have made friends just by reaching out to share your pain - and that's the secret you've realised that you cannot deal with this alone - at times you need back up and support - being strong for your daughter means you must be open to your own emotions and vulnerablities - their are groups that can help you/ im belong to some here in Melbourne - i feel sad im so far away to be of practical assist. Remember your bravery in making the first step - reaching out for help - You are a value man - just as you are - and new friends are already rallying round you - even now on the internet - networking is the fastest way of seeking help these days - YOOU are NOT alone - many of us can relate to your frustration and pain - peace and prayer for you, bro' (a friend - Melbourne Australia)


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Michael_Wolfe
Posted

@Jony as others have said you have friends on here and I hope I am one of them.If you ever need to talk just send me a message..


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Posted

thanks guys...i know you're all here for me...and thanks for your encouraging words...


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