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Kaylee_Lessard

gender confusion? butch or lipstick? - Lesbian Ladies

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Kaylee_Lessard
Posted

Alright can anyone give advice or relate to this...

I am completely torn between wanting to be full out lipstick-girly girl or tough, butch, tomboy..and I don't really want to be on the middle ground...I mean I could, but no matter what, I always want to be something different...for example one big issue I am having...I have short/medium length hair as of right now...but I either want completely short, like not enough to put up or I want it long, like down to my elbows long...

Its just confusing and I know it can seem like a weird topic, and sorry to put labels on it, because labels aren't really important, but it just helps when explaining the distinction of the two extremes I am stuck between...

And not to be rude, but please do not say something along the lines of just be you or stay true to yourself...because I am me, and I am true to myself, but myself is conflicted...

Thanks


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Posted

Hey Yeah I know what you mean, I was torn between the two as well but then I thought “do I love dresses and high heels, or do I like Camo pants and boots” LOL it was hard but I decided on tomboy. It depends on all what you like most. With me I love camping and all of that outdoor stuff, and even working on cars and in a machine shop. If I was a lipstick I wouldn’t have all that fun, I would be more worried about what clothes to wear and what clicks to hang in. You know what I mean?
And it might even help to create a list of aspects that you like about the two, and if one has more you like choose that one hoped I helped in any way lol
I also change the length of my hair, it’s really short right now, and pretty soon it will be long again XD.


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Rachel_Kind
Posted

I understand your frustration but you should just love yourself as a middle ground. I dress girly one day, the sporty the next, and then punk the next. I love all my styles and personalities and if another person can't then they ain't for me!


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Desiree_Lalonde
Posted

i'm all for not conforming to labels. instead of molding yourself to fit a label, mold a label to fit you. its really not necessary to pick either. curl your long hair when you feel girly, put it in a ponytail when you want to feel tomboy. you said it yourself "no matter what i always want to be something different", so find a place you can go either way


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Posted

That's true, I also have many diffirent styles.. I guess there wouldent be a lable for that. The root of it is tomboy but the rest I have no clue lol


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Anthonia_Lam
Posted

you need not label yourself i think. just let it be.


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jessicazylee
Posted

indeed! not to mention, different places have different feelings on things...

back at Purdue, everyone in the lgbtq community agrees that I'm super-femme. But here in Taiwan, I'm considered a "T" [tomboi, which means butch]. my sorority sisters are super confused lol


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Lucy_Taylor_40258
Posted

Hey kaylee, you post caught my attention because I've been having the same conflict. I recently realised that there were different reasons for each option; I want to go femme because i feel good when i wear dresses and I like the way I look in them but on the other hand, and I know it sounds crazy, I have this fear that I will be invisible to other lesbians, like I would be hiding my identity.

This might be completely irrelevant but just something to think about. I know in my case I am influenced by society's stereotypes which I hate, but I accept that this is where I am at for now. So my advice would be to examine your reasons for wanting to go each way and just make sure you aren't being influenced by anyone else's expectations


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Kaylee_Lessard
Posted

Yea I hear what you're saying. I do admit I make a great femme, but I HATE looking so damn straight lol


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jessicazylee
Posted

just do what you want to do. labels are only for surface understanding, so if that's what ppl are going to use to read you, they obviously dont care for much other than the surface. just my two cents.


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Posted

You can be all at the same time in my opinion. When it comes to it, I really am all at the same time. The way I look at girls who walk past is quite butch but when it comes to eye-contact I get shy as hell. Sometimes I act quite femme while later that day I end up walking like a dude. Got clothing of every sort too. Usually I mix it, manly trousers with a feminine top. Labels should get digital nowadays so you can change them with a click of a button.


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Posted

i no what you mean, a girl turned around and called me a baby butch, I AIN'T BUTCH :'( i'm a baby tomboy x


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Anthonia_Lam
Posted

what' different between tomboy n butch?


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Posted

i think butch girls act really like a boy, but tom boys just like to dress in jeans all the time and boyish clothes :S i dunno x


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jessicazylee
Posted

@antonia in chinese or english? chinese tomboy and butch in gay community is the same thing. in american english, tomboy is just someone who likes dressing a little boyish, and maybe has a more forceful personality. a butch is someone who takes a masculine role in a lesbian relationship [which, IMO, seems at odds with the idea of a lesbian relationship and is rather heterosexist]


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Kaylee_Lessard
Posted

I don't even like labels, yet I feel weird without one and idk where I fit in...I already feel weird in gay community because I'm new


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Missy_Watts
Posted

I am pretty darn girlie...well parts of me..I have the hair, the makeup, but then if you go thru my clothing, I only wear pants, tank tops and T shirts..I even found some vests..lol..I can not walk in heels to save my life..I have maybe one dress and I wear low shoe boots with it..My style is kind of weird, but it's me..I think you can take both and make it your own.


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Lys_Garcia
Posted

I concur -- I understand the fear with not wanting to be hidden from the community but realize there are gays that are only really attracted to femmes so they'll be looking for you so really just stick with being as fluid and as 'bi-polar' as you want to be with your fashion
(i'm calling that because I can't find the correct word but you get what i mean)


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Posted

I am very femme but I think like a tomboy and love all the outdoor stuff and sports and things like that so you just need to do whats best for you


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