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Lenny_Fuentes

should people be forgiven for past events? - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

should people be forgiven for the things they did in the past? or should you try to ignore what happened and move on?
do you let them torment you for what they did or just live and learn? what about if they sexually assaulted you? do you tell the police or just stay up crying about it every night and wonder why it happened to you? should we as humans except it?
I just wanna hear your opinion and maybe share a bit with me and i'll share a bit with you


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Jon_Buckby
Posted

I'm all for forgive and forget, but physical abuse is something i would always let the police deal with, i would never trust someone who assaulted me.


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Alan_John_Stenning
Posted

forgiving is strength.we all must move on,


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Robert_Connors
Posted

not if u were asalted tell the police end of stoey yes it will be hard I was asalted and did nothing and I have carried that with me for a long time and have a hard time really givin someone my full heart and soul so take that for what u want and it is your disicion guy


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Posted

Bollocks to this forgive stuff and you can never forgive rape or sexual assault. If you can tell the police then its ok to do it, but if nobody knows about you being gay and you don't want it to get out and for people to know you went to some place you shouldn't then like me you gotta just keep it secret.

Don't cut yourself cos it wont make things better or stop you remembering, it will just make the hurting go on and on


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Tach_Chew_We
Posted

you do what you got to do it realy dose depend on if i will forgive someone for what thay did


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Posted

I carried a 3 year sexual assault, which happened between the age's of 12 to 15 by not just one man but 2 of them, i talked 2 a certain person who understand's this kinda stuff, beleve u me talking 2 this person done me the world of good and came 2 understand just how sick these ppl are. As while i still carry these assault's in my head they are firmly 2 the back of my head and i can live with it now, even going 2 the police wouldnt hav done my head much good, i dont really 4give them but i kno they are just sick ppl. But i dont 4give Bin Laden either.


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Posted

Sat., May 7th, 11, 17:00 Hrs. M.D.T.
Hi Group,
Rape/Sexual Assault Hurts Everyone Gay & Straight. It Also Leaves Something Else - Called Emotional Scars That LAST a Lifetime or Faaily Long Time Depending on the Person Involved etc. If Your Staiight Cops Take It More
Seriously I Think. If Your Gay Its Harder to Deal With Cops and They Try to Stay Away in This Areas Really.
Sexual Assault is Just That Sexual Assault. High Time Cops Treated the Gay Side with the SAME Respect They DO for the Straight Side.
Just My Opinions
Thanks,
Operater.


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Cecil_Hoover
Posted

'To error is human, To forgive is divine" One should always forgive another, I like to be forgiven when I screw up! However what is done is never really forgotten. From my experience things are never the quite the same.


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Wayne_Smith_51357
Posted

yes forgive them


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Posted

As I understood the original question it was to forgive or forget and move on. We have no idea of what is to be forgiven. If it is really sexual abuse then there is no forgiveness and you should seek help from a professional.

If is someone cheating on you then you need to know the history of the person. If they have done it in the past then you can expect they will continue in the future. If it was a 1 time thing then you really have to look at the relationship and decide if forging is OK, ONCE. There is not enough information to give good advice. Some here automatically assumed it was sexual abuse, but you never indicated that. If you want to talk to me more I will be happy to tell you my opinion and balance that with other guys and make the choice yourself. Remember you have to live with this issue for the rest of your life or you have to confront it now and get it over. Do not worry about your sexuality and that has nothing to do with someone hurting you by any way. I hope you find the answer and can finally put this behind you and go forward, proud of who you are


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Cecil_Hoover
Posted

I still believe forgiveness is always a must, it`s not always for the other person but for your own good. I know some may not agree with me on this, but it will make you the better person and feel better knowing that you are strong enough to say that ``I FORGIVE YOU``


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Posted

In some cases I agree but when there is sexual abuse few can really say that.


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Cecil_Hoover
Posted

When it involves sexual abuse it is harder but still important, in some ways it eases your own emotion allowing you to move onward and upward!


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Antony_Terrance_Parker
Posted

The problem with not forgiving is it can prevent you from moving on and forward.Anger can be held on to and ultimatly turned against yourself by yourself.I have been confronted with this involving a breavement and a person i strongly believe had a massive contribution towards it.My conclusion after a while was to forgive, not for their sake but my own.Anger can eat you up and i feel why should i suffer......surely it defeats the whole object.In my experience people always get whats coming to them anyway,i do believe in Karma.
You cant change the past,you can change the way you look at it.


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Posted

I did have counselling. I was lucky as they thought I was so depressed because of the death of my Dad and so I was able to talk to just the lady psychiatrist, and it never got back to my mum or anybody else.

It is easy to say "Just Forgive" but when you have been raped it is not so easy because you always wonder if your are partly to blame for getting into the situation that let it happen. I am not angry, Im not an angry person it takes too much energy! It does still bounce around in my head and gets me real low at times, and it also makes me sacred to risk a relationship in case it happens again. In a way you are not raped once but over and over again cos of the mental effect.


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Posted

im with you Dean.
i always thought that my best friend wouldnt do it cause he was always at my house and parents loved him and i never expected it to happen again by the guy i fell for


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Posted

Yes, always do what is legally yours to teach one a lesson, unless u dont want to come out. And yes, forgive because remember it is not your problem that it happened, it was the other person;s problem. Dont make the other's problem your problem. Forgive for your own well being and to stop yourself from beating yourself up. You let go and detatch (a buddhist principal). You forgive in order to heal yourself. Of course if it is your problem , then forgive yourself and learn from it and try not to repeat in the future.. Forgiveness is a powerful healing tool.. If you do not forgive, you will make yourself sick, and you do not want that. Remember too, that people will wrong you everyday about things so you need to adopt the habit of forgiveness everday, for you will use it everyday and become an awesome balanced, happy person because of it.


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Posted

lenny you know we've discussed this before...& as i said to you before...it is a process that you have to go thru...but once your out of that tunnel...you will feel so much better...and i fortunately am lucky to say that i have not been raped...so i can't really put myself in your shoes or say that i know what you're going thru...& i do find it very unfortunate that you & Dean went thru that...but just as you are broken...you can pick up your broken self...& with those broken pieces you create a whole new stronger person...forgiveness is something that you only will be able to do when you've moved on from the unfortunate event...you'll never forget it...but you won't allow it to control you or your thoughts...anything can be surpassed...you just have to have the strong will to do it...i agree that you need professional help because i'm sure somebody else better than me can actually guide you even more and help you to deal with this...i can only give you words of encouragement...but what good can my encouraging words be when you don't know what to do???...i think you should go to the police and report it...these people need to know that they can't go around raping anyone they want...but remember that you always have to remain strong for yourself...because you are a strong person...don't let others influence you...because you should always be your own person...believing in yourself will open the doors to many things...as corny as it sounds...it is true...believe me when i say...that i do believe in myself...regardless of what people say...it's what gets me thru the day...there are much more important things out there...let's get out there and see what life has in store for us...


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Posted

your right jony i should move on but i just cant
i cry myself to sleep every night and sometimes wanna cut myself but i just cant do it
im tired of the abuse and the false hope and the judgement from my parents and friends


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Posted

u can't do it...cuz u feel & u think u can't do it...ur tellin urself u can't do it...it's all in ur mind...cutting urself...i don't really c it as a solution...it's like giving up the life u deserve 2 live...u have 2 accept good & work thru the bad...false hope is something dat we create in an effort 2 escape from our reality...it's good 2 have hopes...but as long as they can be possible...& judgement...unfortunately we live in a society that judges ppl...another thing we have to live with...especially when it comes to being gay...but that's when u have 2 sort out the ppl dat accept u...& those who don't accept u & judge u...in terms of friends...in terms of family...well it does hurt...but keep believin in urself...don't depend on others 2 give u wat need...such an encourgement, or build up ur self-esteem & dat sorta stuff...u have to rely on ur own inner strength...


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Posted

blah thats complicated but then again lifes complicated right :/


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Posted

what is life w/o complications???...how can you learn anything w/o making mistakes???...how could be know what is good if there isn't any bad???...life isn't an easy road...& it's not meant to be...no matter how much we try...there's always gonna be hard times...but when those hard times comes we have to be able to tap into our own inner strength to get us thru it...i know i'm soundin all guru or w/e about this...but i know this because i myself have been thru hard times...and i've also wanted to give up on my life...i'm somewat spiritual...so in my hard times i asked God why is my life so important???...whose life am i going to an impact on???...who is that important that i have to continue suffering for???...a yr later... for the 1st time in my life God had finally answered all my questions with baby...my little luna...the day i held her in my arms...i understood that i had to be strong not only for myself...but for this baby that had given me back so much that i had lost...she's biologically my sister...but i've basically took upon myself to help my mom raise and take care of the baby...as i wanted to learn everything...so i could be ready for my own kids someday...now i have self-confidence, the will to continue on the path which is my life...& most importantly i have my hopes...some people help you thru your hard times...you have to actually surround yourself with those people that are interesting in helping you...and disregard those who don't...there are some things that are truly complicated...& there are things that we tend to complicate more ourselves...i realized i complicated my own life by only worrying about me, myself, & i...now i have someone else to care about...& i'm able to really connect more with people...i created a whole new me...& if i can do it...why can't you???


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Posted

your right jony...im being selfish but i dont really see anyone caring about me


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Posted

well aren't we friends???...i know we haven't met in person or anything...& we text once in a while...but i do care...or else i wouldn't be here tryin 2 help u out...u got my #...feel free 2 call me or anythin when u need someone 2 talk 2...my ears are always willing to listen to those who want to be heard...i'm usually available to talk around the evenings...like around 5pm or so...so anytime u want give me call if u wanna talk...cuz u do have @ least 1 person that cares about u...so don't trip...i'll be there 2 help u out...


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