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Vaare_Valentino

The Token - Gay Guys! <3

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Vaare_Valentino
Posted

Is anyone else tired of be the token gay/bi/lesbian of a particular group of 'friends'? When you're one out of a group, they tend to use you as an excuse to say whatever they want because hey, you're there. As long as they glance in your direction and give a quick "No offense", no harm done.

Being the only black person in a group also makes me a "Double Token". And who doesn't enjoy a good racist joke?

I know the easy solution is to not stand for that crap. But we all know we don't want to be "that guy". The one who is offended by jokes and has to be a hardass all the time. But I believe there's a line, and it's always crossed by my white friends. Of course another solution is to not let it bother you, which is easier said than done. And lastly, get new friends is probably the easiest solution. But for a socially inept person such as myself, it's difficult to make friends at all.

So in the end you simply suffer the fools. Because really, is it worth it?


Richard_Edwards
Posted

Wow, I see your dilemma. I'm white and I go to a church that is mostly black and mostly gay and lesbian. I have never felt out of place there although I have sat in meetings where I was the only white person.
You may want to consider going to our sister church in Atlanta, Georgia. You can find more information about the church movement and the location of the Atlanta church at unityfellowshipchurch.org If you have any questions, please send me a message.
Richie


Vaare_Valentino
Posted

I'm a stone-cold atheist, sorry.


Robert_Connors
Posted

so Vaare what do u beleive in I would like to know I am relgiouse but I don't go to church dose that make me an atheist ? no becouse I beleive there is a higher power than us plain and simple my opinion only


Tach_Chew_We
Posted

i know how you feel iam native and been ther but i have learnd to speak up and in a way give it back to tham


Vaare_Valentino
Posted

That'd make you Agnostic, I suppose, Mr. Conners. I'm not an atheist because I don't go to church, I don't go to church because I'm an atheist.


Posted

@ Vaare -- We all hear the comments behind our backs. Hell, they are made right in front of us too. And we have to choose what we are going to do about them. One way to deal with them is when someone makes those comments, wait a little while, ans when other people leave, talk to that person privately. But if it is the whole group, call them out on it, and tell them flat out that it is offensive and it has to stop. If they don't get the message, start excluding them from the conversation. Leave the room when they enter. I know you mentioned that you feel socially inept. Do you know what will cure that? Getting out and doing things. If you like to run, join a Gay Running Group. There is probably a group for almost every interest out there.

@ Richard -- I am glad you have a good church, but for the majority of people, church is where they learn all of the hatred and bigotry. Remember, the KKK used to stand by the fact that they were all good religious men. Pillars of the Community!


Richard_Edwards
Posted

@Chris You are right, many churches condemned gays, that is why this church movement was started, to let everyone know that "God is Love, and Love is for Everyone." This church movement is more about spirituality then about religion. The movement started during the aids epidemic where many churches would not hold funeral/memorial services for those who died of aids. The churches gave the families a place to have a service for those who made transition.


Robert_Connors
Posted

@ Tachuwe when u say native dose that mean native Indian just wondered ?


Posted

I am what i am regardless of our sexuality co lour or disability we our all,
Gods children.


Posted

"But I believe there's a line, and it's always crossed by my white friends. "

Hey Vaare, isn't that a racist comment anyway??

U R they guy who doesn't like it and mouths off about it, but you are doing it here and not where those who are doing it can reply to you??

U also only go on about the racist comments not the gay comments, what hurts most?

Life sucks most of the time, and not only because I'm gay. Have to live with it and if people say things that upset you then they are not your friends are they, but if you never tell them it upsets you they will never stop.


Tach_Chew_We
Posted

yes richard iam native of north america cant say indian any more cuz iam not from india...lol


Vaare_Valentino
Posted

It's not racist to state the fact that only my white friends make racist jokes towards me. That's kind of the point of racism. I'm not saying anything negative, derogatory or stereotypical about them. I'm simply stating what has happened in my experience. It's kind of hard to be offended by a racist joke coming from someone of your own race...

Gay is one thing. You can even choose to hide it from whomever you want to. Or not so much actively hide as "neglect to reveal". It's not exactly the same with race. In either case one can't help what they were born as. Neither hurts worse than the other, only differently.

Also, the chat got a mite off topic with the religious stuff...


Paul_Whalley_48096
Posted

I have to say the colour of a guys skin is of no consequence to me I have gay and str8 friends of many nationalities some of them are on here we chat and have a laugh. The friends I have I value and respect very much they range from west indians Philippino Chinese,to me its what is beneath the skin that matters not looks or colour but the inner man and as has already been said if your friends make sarcastic comments about you they are not REALLY your friends and make you the butt of their jokes All my friends know I am gay and they accept that they do not make fun or pass snide remarks about my sexuality These people are TRUE friends and like I said I value and respect them deeply


Posted

I read your comment and I understand but if you think you had a bad try my pumps for while. I am the token gay person, the token ugly person, the token fem, and the token fat. When I was younger I knew this and put up with it, but now I lock myself away. I don't deal with people unless I really have to. I know this sounds whateverbut this is my choice of dealing with it. I don't know who to trust so put everybody in one boat and send them all out to sea.



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