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Why do younger gays dislike older gays? We can do all you like - Gay Guys! <3

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Posted

Jerry Lakatos, Well what an intelligent response to a legitimate question for me. SLUT!!

I guess you know where you stand and what your are. Sorry, but I did not ask the question to have assholes respond, I wanted younger guys to tell me what the enjoy and within what age.

You are the only one that gave a stupid answer, sorry but do not comment to me or I will have to block you


Posted

wow...readin this from page 1 has been a journey...lol...anywho...i agree dat it is a preference...& well of course older men r human beings just like us younger guys...but i think 1 of da previous comments spoke da truth...it's kinda hard 4 other younger guys 2 like older men when they send u messages tellin u dat they wanna fuck u & c u naked...etc...i mean even in my discussion dat i titled what it means to be myself...a guy wrote dat he only cares about how i would look naked in his bed...& dat i would look great...doesn't really make me wanna go w/dat kind of person...but it all depends on da heart of da person...regardless of age...i have no trouble makin friends w/older men...but again when it comes 2 me in a relationship...i would like someone my age...if other younger guys like goin out w/older men...dat's not my place 2 judge...cuz they're just as in luv w/each other...as any other couple...& dat is my opinion about this topic... =)


Posted

Re: Wayne.. I think he was responding to the comment immediately before, not you! (I think)


Antony_Terrance_Parker
Posted

I thought it was funny.


Posted

I must say, my typical experience with older men trying to hit on me has indicated that they tend to be much less mature/'loving'/reasonable than younger guys.

I'll say this openly: Obviously, I agree with the climate of tolerance and letting people do their own thing, but the idea of a relationship with an older guy (like someone in their 40s/50s when I'm in my 20s) genuinely makes my skin crawl. This is easy for me to say, I realise, but I'm pretty sure I'll feel the same way about it when I'm an old man, too.

I think my distaste for it lessens a fair bit when the younger partner is at an age (obviously it varies) where they're more likely to be able of recognising the emotional implications and perspective of what they're getting into.

The reason is that I've seen far too many young-old relationships that consisted of simply lusting after young flesh on the part of the older guy and emotional vulnerability on the part of the younger. I'm aware that people have testified otherwise on this thread, but this pretty much the only dynamic I have ever seen operating in one, and you see very much the same thing in heterosexual young-old relationships.

Whether you're aware of it or not, I think there's such a thing as stages in your life which people go through - which the older partner has a responsibility to recognise because generally speaking the younger simply doesn't (and if they do, they tend to end up dating people closer to their own age). I guess this'll depend on how people actually go about trying to do this, but based on the way I've seen people trying to do it I can't help but find an older guy attempting to court someone at a vulnerable level of emotional maturity (which, sadly, they often seem to), grossly manipulative.

Nail me to the cross, people.


Antony_Terrance_Parker
Posted

I agree with you,although i think skin crawling is a little harsh.There was a tradition in ancient Greece where the younger guy would go with the older guy to learn the ways of the world.I had a simillar experience when i was young.
The gay scene seems to be very much about being young and beautiful and on a purely shallow level i suppose there is a harking back to those days by some.Another thing i have seen is a younger trying to use an older for money so its not completely one sided.Whatever makes people happy i certainly have no buisness judging others.


Posted

I will just add this comment, and it will be my last on this subject, There is a 33 year Gap between me and my lover, And we are very, very Happy.


Posted

NIck no one's gonna nail u 2 da cross...dat's ur opinion & da way u have seen things & also dat's ur way of thinking...no one here can convince u to do otherwise...dat's why sometimes we have 2 agree 2 disagree on certains things...because not everyone has da same ideals as everyone else...& Anthony i agree...we can't only be one-sided...it's not only the older guys seekin the young...but the young sometimes seek out older men...for whatever their reasons might be...good or bad...& it's not our place 2 judge anyone...so we shouldn't blame a certain group for how things are now between the young & the old...the important thing now is to actually ditch the generalizations of both groups...& actually get to know each other if we decide to become friends...


Robert_Drake
Posted

Not to sound like a p.c. thug, but I think it comes down to the purpose behind the objectifiication. Do you see a real person there, or just $ signs and a tight bod?


Posted

Robert it depends on the person...but again...people have their reasons...both good & bad...& it's our job 2 tell the difference & make the decision if we want to continue interacting with that person...people often make mistakes or misguided...they look for things that don't really matter...and in the end they might be empty handed or not...but again the choice of interacting w/one another is made by choice...& that choice is made by the 2 ppl that r interacting...and that's how it should be...


Posted

"There is a 33 year Gap between me and my lover, And we are very, very Happy. "

I'm glad for you - if you're both happy, then that's what's important. Please don't misunderstand me when I say this, but surely it must be clear on the other hand that this state of affairs is unusual (which is no bad thing, mind) and also unusual for it to last so long or so well? I think there's a reason for that.

"Another thing i have seen is a younger trying to use an older for money so its not completely one sided."

Yes, that's true - I'd forgotten about that. But honestly? The truth is I find it on a similar level of distastefulness than the scenario I described.

".I had a simillar experience when i was young."

If that was a decision that you made consciously and fully aware of the implications, then obviously it's not that I have an issue with.

My problem is that I think there's an awful lot of young gay guys who are a good deal more emotionally vulnerable than they realise (this applies to virtually everyone in their teens, but for a lot of people well into their early 20s). An awful lot are incredibly insecure about their appearance (so don't feel like they're 'good enough' to attract people their own age), their personalities, and are struggling to find or define themselves etc. etc. I worry that older guys who intervene in this context and try to 'fill the gap' with a mentality of 'why shouldn't I date younger guys?' are, whether they realise it or not, exploiting someone at an extremely fragile point in their emotional development. I'm not sure "loving" someone gives you the right to do this.

It doesn't matter how you idealise it - you've even acknowledged it yourself in the above quote - the power structure in a older-younger relationship (where the younger is a teenager or equivalent) is unavoidably extremely different to a similar-age one.

In this context, with this much of a gap between emotional stages of development, I view older guys attempting to court younger guys in much the same way I regard teachers who end up sleeping with their pupils - I consider it an exploitation of the responsiblity and power that society bestows on people in favour of personal gratification in some form or another.


Robert_Connors
Posted

Richard that is cool that is a big gap my ex was only 11 yrs older than me but anyway smiles :-)


Antony_Terrance_Parker
Posted

A terrible thing to say.You must be surrounded by alot of emotionaly challenged 20 year olds.Maybe you like the thought of vunerablity.I know alot of highly intelligent and emotionaly mature people in their early twentys.If i were a young person reading this i would find your arguments increadibly patronising.As for the abusive innuendo...... I think this is outragous.Think carefuly before banding about such ill considered words,after all its not that long since all gay people were labeled sexual perverts.


Posted

Thank's Robert Connor's, I beleieve in Honesty and i am only being honest, where i live if a guy is 18 and he want's 2 date a 90 year old man it's accepted, as we have become very Liberal here, we have Gay Marriage's every day here, (may not hav anything 2 do with the subject), the thing is a younger guy dating an older man, no matter how old, well ppl dont giv a dam. Look at what Dean had 2 say, he was happy and look at the age diffrence there, i am sorry his Partner passed away, but he was happy, and so am i, thanx again Robert Connors i kno u understand.


Posted

"You must be surrounded by a lot of emotionally challenged 20 year olds."

Yes, I do see a lot of them around. I'm emotionally challenged myself, there's no point in denying it. Believe me, the ones that aren't are the exception. Security and self-confidence are stages that an awful lot of people in their 20s are still trying to get to.

"If I were a young person reading this I would find your arguments incredibly patronising."

Yes, you probably would. That does not make them less true. I don't know if you had to grow up quicker than most, but think back to your teens. Think about the emotional minefield that it consists of, and think about how it felt when you pulled yourself out of it. A lot of people in their early 20s are still doing that, believe me. I run a campus-based student listening and emotional support service - this is something I deal with regularly, and something I notice even moreso outside of that.

"I think this is outrageous.Think carefully before banding about such ill considered words"

Why? I've justified it with the rationale I described. Like it or not, from the perspective of an awful lot of teenagers (and as I said above, a fair few in their 20s), someone who is older has a certain authority - this is reflected in the power structure visible in young-old relationships, which you acknowledged yourself. This is especially the case where people are insecure, or are lashing out against other authority figures (parents, teachers). The elder guy has a responsibility to realise this, and not to use it for their own emotional satisfaction.


Posted

"If I were a young person reading this I would find your arguments incredibly patronising."

That's because you are reading it as an older guy. At 13/14/15 it is really difficult to sort out sex/lust/love/affection, to get the difference between them. I got it wrong a few times and got myself into real bad situations.

I don't think that if I really like an older guy and he likes me that it is wrong, but I would never go for anybody if it would get them into big trouble, like teachers


Antony_Terrance_Parker
Posted

Teens are increadibly difficult agreed and the highest suicide rates are among young men.I was lucky i had the support of a teen gay group when i was 17(run by older guys who were genuinly supportive)As i am sure you know its resolving the teen identity crises and consequently finding a gay identity.I still maintain that there are men in early twentys who have resolution on this and function well in the gay community.I expect your position maybe something to do with your job experiences.
Great Dean stick with friends your own age and share your mutal worries/laughs.


Posted

"run by older guys who were genuinly supportive"

This is what I mean - there's a certain level of authority and responsibility that elders in society have, and it's impossible to remove. A gay youth group (which like you I experienced and was hugely benefited by) is an excellent example of older guys in that position using it for the beneift of the younger generation.

But even in a youth group you find proper respect for boundaries, surely? It was certainly the case with me. My problem is with older guys being either unaware or uninterested in the authority they unavoidably have and - whether they know it or not - using it to at best fill an emotional gap in their life, or at worst for physical gratification.


Antony_Terrance_Parker
Posted

Yes.....we agree.
Boundaries are what its all about.It rather urks me that the bad few older guys are getting a bad name for the rest of us.I am 40 and if i enountered a young guy who was having a hard time i would feel duty bound to point him in the direction of the said teen groups or any other suitable support services.Just be careful not to tar us all with the same brush and be open to our empathy.


Posted

"if i enountered a young guy who was having a hard time i would feel duty bound to point him in the direction of the said teen groups or any other suitable support services"

Well, of course. That's just common sense.

The topic of this thread, however, if I remember right, was the issue of relationships. This strikes me as a gross violation of the boundaries we seem to agree are important.


Posted

Not to invalidate what you're saying (all good points), but the initial question of the thread was why do young guys not like older guys? For me it's that I'm just not attracted to them sexually, no matter how nice they may be as people. (I'll be friends with anybody)


Robert_Drake
Posted

Personally, I like the openness of some younger gay men, that seems to be often replaced by a closed off, beaten attitude in many gay men as we age.


Ryan_Coffman
Posted

I enjoy older men


Robert_Connors
Posted

thanks Ryan smiles :-)


Posted

Well I cant say that I dont like older men...many of them are really cool and I'd love to be with them...but not every older man, it depends on the person, thier personality, looks and how much we mesh.



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