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My faith on spirituality - The Gay Christian Network

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I wrote this from my personal diary, and i'd like to share some of my opinions and beliefs towards the world and religion, maybe this writing may not be truly realistic but more optimistic, but i hope you'll come to realize my faith in the world and the afterlife too!

9th March 2011

Dear Jay!

I would just like to share an extra writing on spirituality in my own belief and opinions. Well, when we talk about spirituality, people would easily imagine its fate towards spirits through their religion or faithful beliefs, but in my case it might be either or even neither way. I guess my whole faith is towards the spirituality beliefs, I feel there must be more to what life seems to be. What I mean is life must be more meaningful or have some higher and positive purpose. Young people I know probably wouldn’t worry or have the interest or the satisfaction towards what I believe and what I’m aware of around our surroundings. Jay, I’m sure by now you know that I have a deep awareness towards people and my surroundings in this world, and even life in this case. I like to believe that people’s spirits live on when they die. I like to believe people who are suffering in the world find that mysterious purpose or truth towards life solved and found when they leave to a better existence. In this mysterious existence beyond the unknown, people whom have died or experienced many other worlds, would maybe feel uplifted and graceful towards this certain place.
An angel’s smile would heal any human being from their magnificent energy that radiates and shows humans to the place what’s about to become this world too one day. But before they do so, they would guide these human spirits through earth until that human soul wilfully choose to go on and leave this wilderness world called earth. The angel would explain perfectly about the person’s life on earth and give them hope and power to even guide others that today are still living life. This angel would explain nicely that religion is a prophecy and that inner intuition feeling that we all feel in our soul, which is towards making ‘all’ people follow good and prove good through individual opinions together. Which means to me Jay that all people who feel good at heart are guided with heavenly tender care in secret with their own guardian angels within their souls. Jay, let me make one thing clear. Even if this diary ever does get found or published, or destroyed over pointless reasons, and maybe people would read this paper and feel such disagreements or justice towards truth or false, as it would all come down to one thing; and that is for me to have the right for my own individual opinion, for what I believe is good for all people. What I mean is maybe I’m not writing facts from what professional educated human beings know towards what people tell them to believe, but I’m sharing a throught for my own individual faith at heart from what I believe comes from the spirit guide or something divine that makes me believe and write for the goodness of all people who live and die. Don’t you think it’s amazing how I Jason Mills have found myself and inner truth of what comes from my creation of been a human being after all the other worlds I could have come from into being created through the human body and having the resemblance and appearance through my human parents. I wonder do many people feel in such a position as I do? I wonder for a lot of things Jay, but mostly it’s from describing myself through writing communicated words for a deep understanding and showing a portrait of words towards what I really am or what I could be to show the people and the other worlds of existences what I really have become as a person in life. I don’t seem to worry about problems or bad situations anymore because I feel guided and loved by the people around me who too have a special identity and unknown purpose to what their life holds as I also too have. But there is something else, I feel something else. I feel and sometimes imagine that I could be the one to show and make people realize how special and important they are as I am. I can’t believe this, but I’m starting to find the answers to why I exist in this world. Jay, if you’re wondering what that may be… Then I guess I’m going to have to find that out one way or another. It’s unbelievable how this is all happening to me, as I only appear to humans as their own kind. I feel I’m finding myself from the bottom of my heart. I feel the appreciating images spiritually coming to me as I write. Maybe I too could be in the making of a prophecy in helping the world feel hope and happiness, myself as a prophet, as a spirit guide helps me find hope and answers to what may be buried deep beneath my breathless heart. When I’m in pain or can’t understand why people hate and fight with another, I would feel inside beneath my soul that the spirits are playing a game of ‘tug of war’ with my heart, as it tears and bleeds to death with pain inside, as on the outside I would close my eyes for a deep second as it blacks out all the wrongs in the world. But socially I secretly hide this part of Jason’s character because he hides in the corner for bad to end, as the other Jason keeps a powerful smile in the hope of having faith and good in people, even care for the people whom hate me for what I look to be. When I open my eyes and look around, it would seem so unpredictable or impossible for people to find heaven on earth. I sometimes do rush from one conversation to the next, it’s like my mind has turned into a whirl with full of ideas, hope and thoughts towards what I could write.
When I sometimes get ready to write, I’d feel a pause or my mind would be full of confusion. Actually tonight even as I was trying to write I would look around and gaze deeply beyond things, the time I wrote this I looked above at memory photographs of my family or even out at the jet black shy in the night, which has no view but would have the same compared resemblance as my thoughts and lack of success on my blank diary entry paper. I’m nodding my head now with disappointment how I can still call this ‘a diary’ as its truly something more than that to me. Do you know what that is Jay? It’s ‘our’ diary. Our moments, which I share with you, our adventure through life together, my feelings which I openly share with you. My compassion and dream for what I truly want to become that may never show. The thing is Jay, we have nothing to hide because I openly read parts of my diary. Sometimes with family and friends, or even friendly teachers at school; I do so with hope to making them have a better and positive and yet successful day at heart.
Jay! I take your invisible hand in mine, as I smile into your unknown face, this face is the person or spirit who reads this in the palm of their hands with mine. As I have this deep connection with you, I feel I have something exciting inside me that makes my heart dance or have the beautiful sound of music in the beat of my rhythm of my full creation of life. Jay, not only do I feel you’re an imaginary friend created by imagination at heart, but I feel you are the one… The angel or spirit guide who warms my heart when I look cold, makes me happy and smile inside when im sad on the out, it would make me believe the world is a better place than the way humans made it out to be… When I say a better place, I believe I know what kind of place that is; I believe heaven is on earth and all space and every universe or existence created by the gods or nature from natural beauty itself!
Not only is heaven on earth, but yet whatever evolves or fades away to dust, there will always be a more beautiful out coming tranquillity and peace in the end. Maybe… Just maybe, that could be without humanity one day. When I say this I mean if ‘this’ world ends one day for humans as we live in, from our outer identity through the bodies we live in; that could mean maybe earth will change completely as see it now. This end, could yet be the start of something new whatever is created for our spirits or faithful beliefs.
I can’t believe I had just say that ^ but yet I should never judge my words for what I believe is right!
I would just like to mention something which I think is wonderful to me. Usually when people are referred to as angels, they would feel it’s just a compliment or admiration towards how good these individuals are and how loved and admired they would be by their friends. But in my case, it’s a different story. A lot of the time my friends would have secret conversations with me and they would say I’m special. I would ask ‘what do you mean special?’, and they would say they believe I’m an angel and have a huge purpose in changing the world. Immediately, I would feel it’s just a compliment, but lately it seems to be serious towards what my friends are saying. Let me give an example towards what I experienced with these saying and compliments from friends.
Once I had a conversation online through the internet with Elisabeth and she once told me that I’m guided by an angel. When she said this I would just smile and say ‘really?’. She would say ‘yes of course’. She said the angel appeared to be me in my future years. She said this angel was called ‘Jay’, which appeared to be me and had feathered wings on his back with dark hair, and he was fit and had good shaded skin which featured gold when I smiled. Of course I freaked out at first, but this feeling was in a positive outcome. I felt I honestly believed her. Elisabeth says to me that she seen things that other people couldn’t see physically, which was a shock and an amazing point of view to me. She said I looked much different than all the other people spiritually, she said I appeared to have wings and that human beings apparently only seen me as a person. She mentioned that I had an inner angel inside me towards good, as my angelic spirit Jay guides me. As our conversation continued online, we brought up a conversation about spiritualty itself. I then closed my eyes and felt my inner spirit drift off again out of my body as always. Obviously it was you Jay who overpowered my inner self as you enclosed your being, as you exploded out my human body, you left a breathless inner power within me with all your power and guidance, as I listen Jason went through a trance. As this trance continued, I heard an incoming message on my laptop, that it awakened me again. It was Elisabeth whom said that she seen my spirit fly by her bedroom window during the night. I couldn’t believe what she had just said and I burst out with laughter. I asked Elisabeth if she was serious, and she said she really was telling the truth. When I read that my face went serious. I then said all these nice poetry of words towards the awareness of nature and Elisabeth said she thought it was beautifully done. After that me and Elisabeth imagined this wonderful conversation together. We imagined that I flew to her home and she let me in her bedroom window, we laughed when we wrote and sent this to each other online. I imagined as I wrote that I sat at the bottom of the side of her bed, as Elisabeth lay in bed. Elisabeth said she was shocked because she said she could actually see my spirit with her in the bedroom. I imagined that me and Elisabeth laughed and joked about life in her bedroom. When it got very late, I spiritually said goodbye to Elisabeth as I flew back into my home, my body!
So spiritually and life means a lot to me as I live life. Lately I seem to try and live life happiest, even though there are so may darkness and badness in the world with today’s economy and society with the recession and unemployment in the world. But yet I can’t write such waste about things and conversations which might make me suffer more, when truly I can feel the change coming closer for people to feel hope and freedom through the society and political world that we live in now. I can feel or imagine an equality for national governments in the world, and yet I feel sad for the foreign countries where people are truly suffering and in pain.
I can visualise good and powerful people helping these foreign countries, but yet it’s difficult with all the different political laws and differences. Even the independence and equality in this world might one day hopefully, collide together and change the world and have faith and hope towards life and most of all each other!

Yours Jay,
Jason Mills!


It is hard to try to help Governments when they allow Dr's without borders and other volunteers to be put to death, because we are Christian or come from the west. to be shot and or beheaded, when we are only there to help/
There are many things I do not like about American. I guess that could be said about anywhere or one at any time.
The one great thing I must admit,. even though times are quite tough here at home, we still find the courage/money resources to give to those in crisis and their time of dire need, medicines, clean water, shelters and try to help rebuild their infrastructures, even though at times, (I could be wrong) the money might be better spent here at home, student aide, our own infrastructure, the creation of jobs and clean energy.
However all that being said, I think, hope and pray, that before the "Throne of Judgement" we stand stand tall, though humbled, and state that at least we tried, I mean it's got to be better then being a suicide bomber killing themselves along with countless innocents and members of their own faith, hoping to have virgins in Heaven and calling ourselves "martyrs"!
But I am also glad that I am NOT that pastor who burnt the Qumran, and then state that the fallout and the killings that it brought about isn't on my hands, Jeesh!
YouTube video: you might like to lighten this conversation-I hope no offense intended


With love and peace


That was really good, Jason. Very thoughtful.


Hit my enter button.. anyway, you get ol' pharts like Z and me, we sometimes get a little cynical in our old age. It is a relief to see a young spirit who still believes things can be better

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