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Ben_Thompson

Someone to talk to - Gay Guys! <3

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Ben_Thompson
Posted

Hey, I think many of us would love to share our experiences and talk about what we're going through to someone that's going through the same, because, as it's known by us, a gay guy's life isn't easy.
Therefore, this discussion could help us meet someone to talk to.
I'll start by sharing some basic facts about me

I'm 17, near to be 18
I live in Santiago, Chile.
I love playing sports.
I'm not out yet, and I'm not planning to be out any soon.






Tony_Lee_Pugh
Posted

it is difficult, i grew u in a very prejudiced town and was beaten up alot. i went through the same at home, it was tough and i left at 17.


Posted

I'm 60, love my life, even if no one else does. I don't worry what other people think. I'm out to some, but not everyone, and that's okay with me. I'm the only one I have to be comfortable with. If you'd ever like to chat, let me know. I've seen it all from the worst haters to the most passionate love anyone could ever experience. I live in Las Vegas, I love life, and I'm always willing to help out anyone who needs to find their spirit and live with passion. Get in touch if you want to.


Matt_De_Martin
Posted

Hey Ben...

One of the hardest things in my life was coming out. I felt alone, trapped and like it was my fault i was gay. So not true.. Why is there so much pressure on the gay society? I mean, how often do you see a young guy or girl walk up to their parents and say 'Mum, Dad... Im straight'?

Ben i know how you feel, and when the time feels right, you will know when to come out. I held it in for so long, denying who i was which manifested itself into something it should never have gone near. Dont wait to long to be yourself Ben. Society will be what it will be. So you be be all you can be; if you are strong and true to yourself, the world cannot hurt you. Here is a clip i came accross. If only as a society we were more like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lrJxqvalFxM

Be strong, stay safe and be all you can be. My thoughts are with and behind you Ben

Ben_Thompson
Posted

Thanks a lot for your words Matt. I really appreciate them


Posted

Ben -

I had a hard time my first year in high school. Not because I was gay (didn't know it at the time, if you can believe that...) but my family moved from the small town I had always lived in to a suburb outside of Seattle.

Just know this: things WILL get better as an adult. You will have opportunities to meet nice guys and find out who you are and what you want (don't let anyone pressure you...).

In closing,I will be thinking about this nearly 18-year-old young man in Chile and hope his journey will be a good one: YOU!

Best to you.

Scott


Posted

well i had it eas, just hated coming out. there's no,to me, there was about coming out. but i must say that where i grow up help me become the person i am today


gstanescu84
Posted

The topic of coming out, no gay man or any member of the LGBT society should have to deal with rights, coming out etc., We are human NOT monsters. Its bullshit if you ask me. I have only come out by a year now. I came out in Sept 2009 to my mother. But it didn't go well. So I got a job to distract me. The real coming out was when I got meself a boyfriend. He was the most amazing guy any guy could ask for. However me mother got in the way of the relationship and after 9 months he gave up and said have a good life. He was totally understanding but as a friend of his said and I quote "You are not your usually bubbly self". A friend/boss told him that. I was deeply hurt when my own mother had done that to another human being. It went right through me.

I went through alot of shit for several months. Relations/relatives etc., got involved. It was too much for me to handle. I really wanted to kill myself which is not natural for me. I was the bubbly quite guy always.

Name calling, me aunt(who was my favourite) calling me casted my the devil, diseased etc., It was HELL. Was very popular in my college class. But I came out to those first and as you expect LOST them all. FB numbers going down deeper and deeper and deeper.

Me parents(mother - me dad was ok. He didn't do much never mind say much) she continued abusing me even after the breakup of me and my bf. The day after my breakup she wanted me to go out with a girl/woman. I wanted to have fun, but had to lie to her several times to get my way. As many of you would say, we have done nothing wrong. I will be moving out of my family home in the next few weeks. Our local police force had to be called after scenes of violent behaviour was encountered.

Thank God now after over a year things have calmed down. But believe you and me it was hell. Never do I hope none of yee have to go through what I had to endure when i came out.

I love the words of Matt and Scott. Its really touching. Follow the advice on this gropu Ben and you will be grand. I can only wish you well in your future. WHen its all over the comign out or whatever actions you intend to take, you'll think back as a silly thing. I dont' think about my coming out anymore. For the past few months Ive been thinking of gay scenes, gay resorts in da US and Play Del Ingles(Canaries) etc., Have been having fun, meeting new poeple. THis will happen to you when you decide whats best for you.

Finally on the last note, may I wish you the very best of luck in what ever decision you make adn best of luck in your future endeavours. I reall hope this works out for you. WE all do.


Posted

when i came out to a few of my closest friends....i was hyperventilating... my hands were shivering.. and my gut was trembling.....and guess what?... i'm still alive.


Posted

When you have no one else, trust yourself, reach down and touch your soul. It never lies and will lead you in whatever direction you decide to go.


Josh_Hall
Posted

When i came out it was difficult but in the end everyone accepted and Iknow people that are going through something that is soo difficult as their parents hatte gayys.. that is why i did a speech about gays to my school


Matt_De_Martin
Posted

WoW. I bet that would have been mindblowing Josh. Are you able to post it here or send it to me? Would love to have heard what you said


Posted

I have to say mine went or has gone a bit differently, I was basically on my own since 17 paying rent,food,bills,etc not because I came out to my parents but because they went poof on me.... once i got a job they moved to mexico where im originally from... I have always been who i am no matter where im at, and yesmost of my immediate family knows about me not because i told but because they asked and i simply responded with a yes.... see we have to get into the mind set that there is nothing wrong with beeing gay~bi~lesbian etc.. sure alot of people wont understand just be strong and dont for one second doubt yourself its your differences that make you special, and i do understand the pressures of beeing brought up in the MACHO mexican/hispanic/latino community where it is macho or die a loner -.- , just be true to yourself and do what makes you happy which by the way most of those machos are a bunch of hypocrits i have their numbers to prove it chin up, smile always and be safe


Benjamin_Tan
Posted

Well i don't have much of an experience here but just that I'm in a dilemma now hahaha.

Being 18 and not out yet (not that I'm not accepting I'm just waiting for the right moment) I recently have this crush on a straight guy (and he's single)... he's also one of my close friends and i mean really close. I can't bring myself to stop hurting everytime when I go clubbing with him and drinking and seeing him make out with another girl. He's a great guy and he doesn't cheat when he is in a relationship. He's the type that loves to have fun. However it really hurts to know that you'll never be able to get him.


Posted

well ya'll can talk all about coming out i just don't see the big deal. i am very proud of being gay and wish i hadn't listen to other people telling me how freeing it is to tell. hell, no really care one way or the other. and if i could i would go back and keep my mouth shut. with me steve wonder could tell which side my bread is butter. i feel it's nobody business but mine and the man or men who i chose to take to bed


Posted

The only reson why i let them know is so that i can surround myself with people that like me for who i am friends,family etc... because frankly id rather have them know since the start vs them finding out later on and find them running the opposite direction


Josh_Hall
Posted

yeah if you want it went something like .. 1400 people in the Uk are being bullied because of their homhsexuality and just under half of them have committed suiceide.. Now why should anyone be judged on who they are and who they like shouldnt it be on how they treat other people and how much of a friend they are?. Coming out as well should not even be a big task anyone has to go through and infact it shouldnt even be a task that we have to go through because at the end of the day it should not matter, you are unique and that is what makes us the same. However people did not feel this way when it came to an eleven year old boy named Karl... he loved fishing football and camping but unfortunately people percieved him differently and just because of the way he spoke and acted they thought he was gay and he was bullied. halfway through the term he committed suicide! Now why should those bullies make him so through som much pain, why should they make Karl feel so confused whne he already is and why should they be allowed to take away someone's life? However things are changing and people are becoming so much more aware of eachother whic is brilliant but i want to leave you with two points today .. ones is that everyone is different so instead of hiding your differences why not embrace them .. and i want you to imagine that the person you are sitting next to was gay or lesbian or just different and i want you to imagine would you change towards them ? would you bully them ? and would you push them aside just because they are different ? lol


Matt_De_Martin
Posted

Josh, very well said... i can see how hurt you are at the though of Karl and believe you would stand up for gay people that are hurting.. we need more people like you...

Trends are changing.... a little too slowly for my liking, but they are changing. The more people that stand up and say its ok, like stars for example (its why I love Ellen so much) because they are in a position to say 'i am gay, and its ok to be gay' without the repercussions. i see on tv the inclusion of gay characters (united states of tara, modern familly, etc) which are making mile stones in the gay front. Tv changes peopls perspectives and teaches us what is ok (sad, but true)

All i can say is dont hide who you are. I was bullied in highschool. It turned me to some things that i am not proud of by keeping it in and not being who i was. Now that i am 'out and proud' my life has changed. i dont have to hide anymore and society can take me as i am, or get stuffed. lol

I am happy, being gay, or finally accepting being gay, has finally allowed me to be happy.

We should be happy. It is our right to be happy...

xox


Ben_Thompson
Posted

Benjamin, I really understand how you feel.
Recently I had a crush too on a guy from my school. I knew perfectly well that he was straight, but I didn't care, I just couldn't help it.
I started thinking about reasons of why he could be gay in order to give myself some hope, and I tried to convince myself that maybe one day i would be with him. The main reason I had to believe he was gay was that he had never been in a relationship.
And so, I pictured myself with him many times. I imagined how perfect would it be to be with him, to come out together with him, etc.
But just today I was told he had been in a relationship during the summer, and that he had really loved her, killing all of my hopes.
It was horrible. I was being forced to abandon all of these happy imaginations and scenes I had created. It was like reality striked in my head from one second to another, provoking on me a huge feeling of impotence.


Robert_Connors
Posted

well george I went though alot of shit before I came out my dad beat the shit out of me daily and told my gama I think he's queer left home @ 16 and have never looked back had my problems in high shcool but could handle myself threw my cusins boyfreind down 3 flights of stairs becouse of his remarks finally came out to my mom and then my sisters never talk about it to my brother we talerate each other but in all after got away from home did well , then fell in love with my best freind but didn't do anything about it what a fool I was but anyway good luck to all with every thing and god bless


Benjamin_Tan
Posted

Well ben it's the very same for me. The thing is this guy that I have a crush on is always surrounded by people. He's been in numerous relationships before so I know he's straight however having a crush on someone can't be helped. It just happens and we all have to get over it at some point. What turns me on and keeps me imagining is the kinks he has. He loves the idea of being fingered by girls.

The next big problem is if I do come out to him I'm afraid it may change our friendship in numerous ways. He is a great friend and is accepting of gays(in fact he has many more gay friends than I do) but he takes precaution when he knows you're into him(and distance himself a bit). Even though I will never do anything to him even if he initiates unless he's serious about a relationship. That's just his personality of being very self conscious. So now I'm a bit afraid of coming out. I treasure our friendship dearly.


Robert_Connors
Posted

so Benjamin don't if it going to kill a great freindship that is why I didn't with my best freind didn't want that to reck the fun and times we had to gether even though he made advances on me all the time you have to make the dicision and if it ever happen great but be cosiouse it could change things between the two of you Just saying guy


Benjamin_Tan
Posted

Yeah I know. furthermore he isn't gay AT ALL


Robert_Connors
Posted

and u have to take that into consideration too guy I know it is hard been there done that it is your choice dude just saying it may change things between the 2 of u that may never be again



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