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Addicted (Unfinsihed Story) (Part 2) - Writers Nook

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Todd was walking out of school because it was lunch and noticed Justin wasn’t in school and He knocked on Justin door and Justin opened it with himself topless then a girl popped from his shoulder and said “who’s at the door” then Todd had an upset look on his face And Justin said “ “sorry” with a disgruntled look on his face then Justin saw a bruise on Justin’s face and said“ What about” then stopped and was just about to tear up then he ran off

To Be Continued

tell me wht you think ive wrote more if you would like to read more if any of you liked it


If you wanna write then u gotta use punctuation or nobody will know how you want your story to read


well, kind of hard to tell. It was short.

U need to work on your sentence structure and action sequences: by that, I mean, u need to write longer sentences. Some of them are like "rat-a-tat-tat"...rapidly fired off machinegun style (as if the guy's on speed...lol.)

Dean is actually better at this than I. I'm more of a non-fiction journalist.


Hi, I totally agree with Howard here, rat-a-tat-tat is a good way of putting it. I'll give an example from this page since its currently in front of me. In the first line on this second page you've got "Todd was walking out of school because it was lunch and noticed Justin wasn’t in school." Ok so Justin wasn't in school, and had asked Todd to meet him, via text while Todd was in class earlier. But Todd has to wait until lunch. Fair enough, and then he goes looking for Justin. So how about "As Todd walked out of class at lunchtime, he noticed that Justin wasn't in school." It says the same thing, but the reader is picking up the info as they go along, rather than reading a list of details.

Out of interest, what kind of books/stories do you read James? Have a look at a book that you really like, and author you admire maybe and analyse your writing and their's alongside each other. Look at the differences. It could be painful, I know I'm nowhere near as good as my literary hero, but it shows you what it is you need to work on. And the key advice to any aspiring writer is I think read. Read as much as you can and vary the types of things that read as much as possible.

Good luck!


It's funny that Joie should mention about other writers.

When I was in an English class at college, my English teacher came by before class and saw me reading Writer's magazine (or some such to-do publication.)

She said, "You want to be a writer? Then you don't need to read about it: you need to READ...READ...READ. Then WRITE...WRITE...WRITE. Then 10 yrs later when you get up, you just might be a writer."

If you're writing for personal pleasure or wanting to be published, you need to read a lot of other authors. Get a sense of their style. By reading, you improve your vocabularly (words), see how sentences are put together, and so on. I constantly am using a dictionary to look up words that I'm not sure about when reading something (I'll often even underline the words to look up later.)

I look at how adjectives/adverbs (descriptives and modifiers) are used. Even dialogue.

Of course, again, Joie & others on here will be better at this since I'm not a fiction story writer. I write straight journalistic pieces or a personal essay (500-1,500 words), so I'm not good at character development, dialogue and plot development. I simply report what's happening or what other tell me in personal stories.

Again, I strongly suggest that you join a local writer's group or try and take a course or two at a local school.

Good luck!

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