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April_Tvarok

In need of some help! - Love and Romance

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April_Tvarok
Posted

I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman for almost 2 years now. I am her first girlfriend. She has kissed women in college, and she was in a very bad relationship with a guy for a couple of years in college. Then she was single for about 5 years (not counting the year she dated this guy she really didn't like).
Our relationship was VERY intense when it first began. Actually let me start off by saying that when we met (we work together, at the same school, different divisions) I was engaged to another woman. Once I started to hang out with her I knew that she was the woman for me. i broke up with my girlfriend at the time and we started dating. R lives very close to where we work so I would spend many nights at her house, and within a month I was basically moved in. (insert U-haul joke now) Anyway she goes from saying things like she would like to marry me someday and have a child with me to saying that she wants to break up. Today she told me, right before she left for therapy, that she was going to break up with me this morning, but I'm too nice so its hard for her to do it.
Basically she has told me that she is having a hard time going from single to being a lesbian. She is very concerned about how the world sees her. She is having a hard time coping with being gay right now. She has come out to her family and friends, and we are both out at work.
I am at a real loss on how to support her. I love her very much and I want things to be the way they were between us. Does anyone have any suggestions? I am feeling very lost right now.


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IDK talk to her and find out just exactly why she wants to break up with you. Is it someone else she has her eye on? Is she scared for the reason you stated? These days it is accepted that you are gay or lesbian. If her family is okay with it. Then I don't see the major problem. Maybe its the whole commitment thing with her. The what ifs? you know what if it doesn't work out. What if you find someone else you want to be with. yadda yadda.


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I just broke up not too long ago with my first girlfriend! When I meant her I had never even kissed or ever thought of being with a woman! I fell in love with her and her with me ! After about a month in a half we where staying together and we stayed together for 3 years...I didn't care what people would think about me! I was very open with my family about it and they had no problem with me they accepted my girlfriend into our family the same way they would have done a man! as far as my friends I figured if they are really my friends they would accept me still! I never really cared about what any one thought about me! Because I was happy and I loved her.... I never was ashamed of me being with and loving a woman.... If she is feeling some Kinda of way about her being gay! Maybe its really not where she wan'ts to be! You are what you are, you do what you do, you love who you love! I dont wanna step on your toes but knowing how she is feeling about being gay have you thought about just falling back and letting her get her thoughts together about what she wants? She could be feeling like she is confused about her sexuality..... How does this make you feel being with someone that has issues with what every one else thinks? I mean did this happen all of a sudden??? Cause maybe something was said that triggered this(her feeling that way)!


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April_Tvarok
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Thanks everyone for your wonderful advice. R and I had a wondefulerful conversation last night and we are working through things. I am being careful and I am not settling at all. I want her to feel more comfortable by giving her more room to breathe (myself as well), and also some time to think about where she is in life.

Thank you all!


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