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i hope someone could give me the voice of reasoning. i've done something that will huurt someone but i don't know which. i've been in a one side relationship now going on tw years, but started off 5 years ago. one sidede because i'm not in love any more but he is and it's been going on this long because i don't want to hurt him but there is nothing there on my part. he touches me and it makes my skin crawl and now there is this new guy that wants to start something and i'm cool with it but haven'done anything because of guy one but i feel i could be missing out if i keep hang ing on to somthing that's dead but i don't want to hurt guy one nor feel like i'm leading guy two on. how can i get out of this mess i put myself in without hurting either one. i don't care if it turns out that i'm alone as long as no one is hurt.


Timothy_Brown
Posted

Mark, I think that it's important that your old relationship knows how you feel because hanging on and then telling him later that you have felt this way for a long time would make you look bad and generally be a bad person. I feel that it is better to get it out in the open immediately. You do not have to tell him that there is this other man involved. As for the other guy, play it by ear. Just be honest with both of them.


Elaine_Rachael_Morgen
Posted

In situations like these there is really no way to not hurt somebody, so you have to choose the lesser of two evils, which would be get out of the one-sided relationship because the longer you hold on when you aren't in love, it will just hurt him more later on and in the long run when he begins to realize that your feelings for him aren't the same anymore.


Posted

Elaine is right. There is no way not to hurt him, but at the same time, I'm very sure he knows it. Perhaps he doesn't want to admit it, but actions speak louder than words.

You just need to sit him down and have an honest discussion and then get on with your life. Sometimes people hang on for the wrong reasons. You never know, he may be having this same conversation with a friend of his.

Mark, life is too short not to try to achieve a degree of happiness. People fall in and out of love over and over again. It takes a special combination of many things to keep people together.

I think .. I think now, I wouldn't even mention the other guy. If I were your fellow, that would piss me off more than hurt me. He doesn't really need to know anymore than you are over the relationship. I don't know if the other man is the reason you are over it, but I doubt it. Usually there is something in the relationship that puts it on the rocks, then another person comes in.

Just sayin'....


Posted

OH MY GOD everybody is right. i was hoping, knowing all along that i'm going to hurt this sweet man and that is something i never want to do. patrick and the rest of the room this other fellow isn't the reason. the reason is that he, guy one, lost his job and haven't even tried to look for another one. he thinks somebody is going to take care of him. his moma done it and at one point that who is, now he staying with his uncle. there is no phone at the uncle house so he can't call around or even have a call back for a job. he's always saying, when his mother pick him up and let's him spend a few days over her house where he's been looking. we where living together but i put him out after dealing for 2 years of him not working or even trying, well more like a year. i gave him 2 months after he lost his job thinking he need a little break and to try to figure out his next move. but that didn't help. see i'm the type like my moma always told, not gonna take care of no grown mf. if i have to pay all the bills i may as well be by myself. but please don't misunder stand outside of this he is a very sweet person and he makes a great friend, but as a boyfriend plus he is nine years younger then me and have been babied all his life.


Jodie_Hendricks
Posted

Mark,
sounds like this guy thinks your going to be his sugar daddy and, that you will take care of him like his Mom did, along with other relatives have done. It's time to kick him to the curb, when he wants to know why tell him you need a j o b if you want to be with m e. As much as you don't want to hurt his feelings, you have no choice, cause the longer he stays, the longer he thinks he's got it made with you.


Posted

no nothing like that. he has never ask me for any thing just that he would sit around and not do anything not look for a job or anything, he's a straight up moma's boy and i can't deal with that i want a man that is a man. a man that will take care of me. i want to live the life of a old fashion housewife.


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

Maybe he is stuck in fear try talking to him and find out whats going on. I've been in his same place this last year. he may need just some help in where to start


Posted

we had the talk and he knows i'm done, him he still thinks we are an us. i did my part but if he still wants to believe that's on him. ani\d i was very clear. couple us done friendship is all i have to give


Jodie_Hendricks
Posted

And what does he say to that ?


Posted

to me he just aint gr\etting it. he wants to touch and always asking for a kiss but\ and telling me he loves me but i let it be known i love u too as a friend and keepnyour hands off. todayhe said we were friends with benfits and this new guy i'm working call and i let jermaine answer the phone told who it was a started to talk the way you do when it's new



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