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Samantha_Cruz_51415

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Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

plz pray for me i am have a bad week my feeling r going up an down.when i am down i want to cry or die when i am up i want to sing and dance an i am having alot of down days


Posted

i will pray for you but i must ask have you seen a dr. you could be bipolar, i do the same and that is what the dr told me and i on med to keep me level


Timothy_Brown
Posted

Samantha, I agree with Mark. I am not personally bipolar but I have friends who are.


Posted

I know what works for some, will not work for every one. What works for me is deep contemplative prayer, centering on Christ's passion, instead of my own pain, I focus on His, and the love He had to have for all of us, believers and non-believers alike to suffer his passion and what was the shame back then of dying on the Cross, which He not only transformed, into a symbol of a shameful death to a symbol of victory, hope and faith.
Which many of us wear or have that symbol in our homes, cars or somewhere on our person.
A toxic radioactive cloud is coming my way, and I am happy and at peace and waiting for whatever comes, because "I will" not be shaken into fear, or doubt because I love Christ and trust in His Promises.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwGi3tSOY1E

Fear not, and know, that He is God, be at peace. Place your heart in His Hands, and be still.

Posted

i hope you're not one of those people that tells people not to seek medical help when needed. i believe in god just as much as you, but i also know that he has given knowledge to the dr to help us. and if ole give is feeling these thing she needs more than the love of god. in fact the medical field is god loving us giving the dr the knowlede to physical help the body and mind he given us. ms cruz please if you are feeling this way do go to the de. faith is a great thing but when the downs comes, and i know how low you can get, faith won't help. i been so low that look up was out of reach, but the high had me jusst racing i couldn't catch myself


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

I will Keep you in my prayers


Posted

Dear Brother Lewis,
If you had taken the time, to read the extensive writings that I have written on this site them you would know pretty much what kind of Christian I am.
I have written so much that I now have carpal tunnel syndrome.
You would also know that I have been living with AIDS since 1982-3, but I found out in1985. I also struggle with deep depression and bipolar syndrome.
My 1st suicide attempt was when I was just 9 1/2 to 10 years old, when a well meaning but misplaced "Christian" teacher of mine in the 3rd grade slammed a Bible on my desk telling me that I would be better off dead then Gay: quoting the Bible thus; "Mark 9:42 "
New International Version (©1984)
"And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.
New Living Translation (©2007)
"But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone hung around your neck.

English Standard Version (©2001)
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea."
And, Mark 9:43:
" New International Version (©1984)
If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out.
New Living Translation (©2007)
If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands.

English Standard Version (©2001)
And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire.
And,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matthew 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Luke 17:2 It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Corinthians 8:12 When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.
New International Version ©1984 by Biblica

If you had read any of my writings then you would know more about me.
I have tried to reach many people with the love and faith that I have:
I however, can not give them "faith" any one then I can give you self esteem, When I last read what you wrote about how you felt about yourself and your worthiness to be loved by others.

The greatest thing about being human (I think) is that we have the capacity to learn and change, and grow, if we do not like something about ourselves, then we can change it, (If we put our minds to it).

Be it lack of education or that we need to find a workout partner or trainer and go to the gym, ride a bike and so on.

My 1st attempt at suicide was when I was 9/10 years old, after I was severely bashed at a children's home in Baltimore. I was able to break away and run to the cottage where I lived and was told to take a shower to clean up. As I was in the shower one of the best hot looking guys (tall skinny red hair named Danny who was straight and never talked to me, open the door, and began asking me questions which shocked me, because I thought he was going to beat me, but his tone was different

1st he asked me if I was OK, (I was in shock! he was concerned)
second he asked me if I was around any cars or gasoline that day, of course I wasn't, so I told him that.
Then he asked me if I owned a blue and white sweater, which I did, I left it on the fence because I was suppose to be in a fight with my room mate Richard, which didn't happen, they were sitting me up to bashed me, and so they did.
Danny, then asked me to hurry up and get dressed, and come to the day room, where they were holding a meeting,..................I thought I was in more trouble!
When I came down stairs, they had almost every one there, including the paramedic's to look me over and the police and I thought oddly enough firemen!
As I was being bandaged up, I heard how and why the concern.
Someone had soaked my sweater in gasoline.
I can not tell you what their motives may have been, but a year after that, a group of boys set my then boyfriend on fire in the woods near by. He was a handsome black youth named Joseph. I was beyond myself, that anyone would do such things. When Joseph was better and came home, I could hardly look him in the eyes, because I felt it was my fault, I didn't love him any less, I was angry that my love for him, put his life in danger.

I hope you take the time to read many of my writings here at this site. and they I hope may help you and that you will in time understand who I am and where I am coming from.

I should also like to point out that I was placed in a mental hospital a common practice up to the early 1970's, where I was given drugs that I didn't need, beaten and raped not only by the older patients (In the Children's ward), but on occasion by homophobic staff members and raped there again, fortunately, they were caught and charged.

I am on medications for AIDS and the Depression, and have been celibate for 10 years now.

If you have a fast connection to the net DSL and you have Google Earth, then you can see some of the places -Although they are no longer there, you can see the woods, and the Great water tank and the creek through the woods were many things happened, mostly bad, some however good.

Clyburn Children's Home
2201 West Cold Spring Lane, Baltimore, MD

The State Asylums) are mostly closed.

Central State Hospital, Petersburg, VA

Crownsville State Hospital, Crownsville, MD

IN any case, I think it might be good, to do your "homework" on a person instead of hoping that a person is/isn't may or may not be, what you "think" of them before you either judge them, or post a Comment on them.

BTW, when Speaking of God, a Capital G is used unless you are referring to "gods' like the Greek, Roman or pagan "gods"

As in:

http://biblescripture.net/Commandments.html

In any case I do wish you peace and all good, and you are in my prayers even if I do not answer every post, it is because I have either already responded to it elsewhere or my writing arm and I both are recovering.


May God and His Angels watch over you and keep you safe and in His care.

Sometimes, we find our true worth, not from what we think about ourselves but when we listen to those who know and love us, and understand that they see what we can not, I wouldn't argue with them unless they are not our friends and wish evil upon us.

Posted

i have read a lot of the thing you wrote, and hate to say it, but sometimes i don't understand them. this is the case of the last comment. glad to hear you have found an inner peace. and i too have been living with hiv since 1990 and through the grace of god never once need meds, not because i wouldn't take them, but my dr said i didn't need them due to the fact that my tcells and virload, misspelled i know, have all way been high and low(tcells high, virload undetectable) and until lately always told i was depress, which wasn't the case, will not the whole stroy. i have ho family because they are all dead. and death start visiting me when i was 3 years and i seen all my family dead. was rape by 15 men at a boyscout summer camp and also tried to ended it all. but the grace of god has made me stronger. so see we all have a tale to tell. and nothing against you and your kind, i'm just not that preachey your kind being the preachey kind. again sorry if it came off the wrong way i just didn't understand you and took it the wrong way. i was trying to piss you off or make you made. i just read it the wrong way and I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR THAT


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

i have been tpo the dr not i dont have that but i have samething like it i have worrying and thinking to much .i have been deilling with this for years i have good day and bad days .god helps me alot with is and i am on meds to but sametime they dont work as good same days.


Posted

well baby i will pray but keep going to the dr and maybe change or up the dose. the first few med i were on didn't work but we keep on until we found one that does.


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

with the lords help maybe you can also seek some counseling. it helps alot


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

i do to counseling when i can get there i go to college and it hard to remember to go sametime


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

I have trouble remembering things also due to a brain infection I had I write notes especially in my calender. yeah don't worry keep asking and believing the lord will help relieve this stress and you will grow and get better. Its happened in my life. I go thur the same things.


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

i just dont like feeling as if my world is going to much fast amd i a, standing in one spot same time


Posted

that is truly bipoplar behavior. your dr is totally wrong and you should find another one. and so what if you are in college what good is that if you are feeling this way. find another dr see him or her whenever they say. make the time if you want to get better. we can talk about and tell you things until we are blue in the and pray until Jesus returns but if you don't help yourself there is nothing anybody can do. i know what i'm talking about i was the captin of the boat you are in now


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

i know what i have and i have had it for years.bipoplar in my family show as anger i dont have that ok.


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

life will get better just let go and let god turn it over i does work


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

i know it does god has goting me thougth alot of things.


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

Keep the faith all will be well sooner then you think and you will grow from this


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

i am just going throught thing


Posted

Been praying for you samantha! How are you doing? How are you feeling? It's ok not to fly through life like most everyone else. Our Lord calls us to slow down......it iws only then we can her His voice and sense the comfort from the Holy Spirit!


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

when you get past this moutain you will see it wasn't as large as you are thinking it is now


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

i been doing ok i have my days.but i am just taking it day by day


Shelley_M_Woods
Posted

Thats the best way 1 day at a time. Your going to be ok just hang in there god is with you and protecting you


Samantha_Cruz_51415
Posted

yeah can u pray my friend ron g-mom she in the hosp an she need the prayer



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