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My Mistake - Poetry Group

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Posted

*I welcome criticism and comments. This is a very personal poem and I hope it speaks to you!


My Mistake

This buzzing never subsides,
the cries that echo in my ear
all the fears that I try to face,
the places when memories surface,
I cry and scream, the dreams,
that make me remember,
those nightmares from last September
when she held me down,
the whiskey in me keeping me there,
my hair a mess,
my heart beating so fast in my chest
as she had her way with me,
and me so drunk I couldn’t stop her,
please stop her….
the memory so strong I shudder even now,
how could I let this happen,
put myself in a place
in which every fear I have ever had
I am forced to face, to live,
to experience,
to hate,
my breasts raw chew toys for her pleasure,
my cries aren’t even remembered
but the bruises last,
even after the color has faded,
I hate myself…
my part in this play,
the way that I walked right into it,
played into it
and regret everyday
how I allowed her use me this way
and feel so jaded…so hated…
”you’re at fault here too”,
my mother said,
when I admitted my sin,
the stain within,
the pain that I felt,
she didn’t care,
because I put myself there,
I was just trying to help a friend…
my mistake…
I’ll never make it again.


Posted

Thank you so much for posting this; poems that are so close to our hearts - for better or for worse - are always the ones that are so frightening to show anyone else. So I applaud your courage.

I feel I can truly relate to the lines:

I cry and scream, the dreams,
that make me remember,
those nightmares from last September

There is something about having something so personal stolen away that leaves a person utterly vulnerable. These lines capture those moments when we try to sleep but that person haunts us night after night. This entire work is a wonderful expression of the vulnerability in the aftermath. Beautiful work.


Posted

Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate them!


Posted

Hi Kira, yes that is a very powerful poem n to b so personal thank u for sharing. i felt ur words n just wanted to reach out n hug u.Smiles


Arie_Portishead
Posted

yeah it is very personal, but what happenedto you was not your fault, try not to victimize yourself.


Posted

No victimization is meant, I am just trying to be true to the thoughts and feelings that go through your mind after you go through something like that. And thank you, i know its not my fault but I was made to believe that it was at the time.



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