Bisexuals - Love and Romance

[Deleted Member]

I have dated bisexuals in the past, and it has always turned out bad. Can bisexuals have a serious relationship with a gay girl?

[Ne****]

I think it can be, as long as the other is serious about it and not just playing around with the girl because she just doesn't have a guy.

[Sa****]

I agree bisexuals can be just as good girlfriends as long as they truly are attracted to you and not just saying so. I've seen bis work out with gay girls and I also have seen it not work out; just depends on the two girls.

[Deleted Member]

I guess I can't imagine why someone would choose to be with a girl if they could be just as happy with a guy. It's so hard to come out to everyone. I dated a bisexual sorority girl. I know she was really into me and I just as much into her, we broke up and stopped all contact because she was so petrified that people would find out we were together. I definitely didn't see that coming and it broke my heart.

[Sa****]

I'm sorry to hear that but you have to understand one thing; Bisexual doesn't mean you are fifty fifty you can lean more towards guys or towards girls so maybe they can't be as happy with a boy as a girl. It just depends on the person.

[Sammie_Parson]

Well i can speak on that cuz i am bi and my girl is lez and we've been together for over 7yrs. I am faithful to her despite my flirting but she knws she the only one for me cuz i invested way too much time in our relationship to throw it away for a quick fling. I think our relationship works cuz we always communicate one way or another and she just fuckin rocks my world! Plus its good to knw she can trust me and i dare not attempt to break that bond with her cuz i don't wanna risk losing or hurting her. In the end its all about being tru to urself cuz you can't be faithful if ur lying to urself!

[Ne****]

Seems hard to take, just cuz she was petrified peoples knowing that... What's soo bad people knowing one love each other in this society, I wouldnt mind to tell the world if I had a girlfriend ! Because I would be proud of it, but it is true that some tend to lean more on guys or girls.

If I back up some years in the past, I would had qualified myself as "straight until I can prouve the contrary" then last christmas, I had the prouf of that, and I really do prefer girls. I wasn't just open up to the idea In Real Life, of it, but over the NET and some RolePlaying Games and such, I was open to that idea quite well since im like 14 years old and im now 22.

Why I didn't open up before ? I doesn't even know myself because I had never felt that I had to position my sexuality at some points. Because to me, love doesn't mean if has to be a guy or a girl, it has to be the one you love, either of the sex. Then, of course it would be some attraction, and my attraction leans toward girls, too bad for guys who would had loved going out with me, I wasn't interredted at all.

Soo, in the end, I can't really say im more bisexuel or lesbian. I am who I am, that's all of it to take into account. But some peoples aren't as open as others, soo it's hard to know until something breaks up the relation. As for you, Keri, it is really sad to read, maybe she couldn't accept it for her own self, that she dated and was going out with a women. Because she had ***, of what peoples would had think of her, being with a woman.

[Betsy_Lipe]

IDK it depends on the woman...how into guys is she. Most I have known about bi's is that they end up with a guy in the end. I don't trust bi's because of that. I am a loyal honost person and I give my all to a relationship and I expect the same in return. I don't want to have to wonder who or when she will leave me for some dude that came up flirting with her and she just had to return it....but there are some that will remain with a woman...but in my experience they go for the man in the end...

[Deleted Member]

That is how it seems to me as well. They are so into you until you let yourself fall for them...then it's like they get their self esteem back...and it's off to guys again. I think they had a dude be an azz and they are simply fed up with them for a hott minute then once they realize they can be loved and are gorgeous, they go back to the guys. So, another question then...especially since I ALWAYS seem to attract the bi sexuals...how can I tell the difference between one like I describe and one like sammie parson that commented up above?

[Ch****]

In response to what people have said, through a bisexual female's eyes:

Sexual orientation has nothing to do with whether or not a person can have a serious relationship.

It would be prejudice and offensive for straight people to say that gay women can't have as serious of a relationships as a straight couple. You also don't seem to question if a bisexual woman can be in a serious relationship with a man, so WHY would a bisexual woman not be able to be in a serious relationship with a gay woman?? You have to check your prejudices.

You also have to understand that bisexuals aren't "just with a girl" because they don't have a guy layin around. Why would a bisexual woman choose to be with a woman if they can be just as happy as a man? First, as others have said, bisexuality is on a scale, it's not always 50-50. In my case, I just like who I like, and whatever their sex or gender happens to be, whatever. It's about being attracted to a person, not a gender. And yes, it is hard to come out...but do you REALLY think bisexuals can just hide in the closet and continue to only date the opposite sex? C'mon now, don't you remember how you felt when you couldn't be honest with your friends and family? If I only dated men and/or had to be quiet about my crushes on woman, I would quite literally feel an ache in my belly and feel like a part of my soul has died.

Also, I could consider myself (which I don't) mostly attracted to men, but still consider myself bisexual...and it would be possible for me to fall in love with a gay woman, even if I only ever dated one female in my life. The degree to which I like men has NOTHING to do with whether or not I can be in a serious relationship with a gay woman or not. Assuming that bisexual woman will just end up with men in the end is prejudiced, not fact. The person's gender whom the bisexual person ends up with is irrelevant. It doesn't change that they are bisexual. Also, perhaps if gay woman were more willing to learn about, understand, accept and celebrate bisexual woman's sexual identity, we would be able to have more chances to be with gay women. I have been on dating websites where gay women have stated in their profile, more or less, "bisexuals need not apply," some more harsh than others. I would NEVER discriminate based on sex, gender, gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation when a potential date comes my way. Please check your assumptions and prejudices.

Please place your prejudices down. We are supposed to be one community. Lesbians have been hated and judged on the basis of sexual orientation, so please don't do the same to bisexuals. It doesn't make any sense to do that.

[De****]

that is one REALLY LONG comment. XD

[Betsy_Lipe]

really my thoughts on Bi's is that they want their cake and eat it too. pardon the pun...lol But I think they just want to have some fun see what it is like and then go on back to their men. I don't date bi's for that reason. I really don't think there is such a thing as bi just curious. Once the thrill is gone they go back....I mean most lesbians will tell you they knew since they were little they were lesbian. bi's I think just decide hey I am gonna try out a woman cuz men piss me off. Like Keri said....they are pissed for moment and then they are over it and go back to the men.....

[De****]

My first girlfriend was bi (still is), and a few months into our relationship, she started cheating on me with my BEST FRIEND, who happened to be a guy, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

Like, no lie, they were holding hands, and kissing, everyday, right in front of me. She called it 'sharing'.

[Deleted Member]

Hi. I just wanna say that I'm bi, and I always knew so. To contradict what Betsy,above me, said. So it's not like I got pissed of because of some guy, went to girls, and then went back to guys. I always knew ever since I was a little girl (I'm 14 now). I have a preference for girls though, honestly. I just feel that a relationship with a girl is so much better than with a guy.

It honestly depends on the girl & how much she loves you. Not 'cause she's bi, "Oh look, let me play a girl, now." I for one, would never do that. And honestly, some of these comments hurt me. Not enough mean and cruel remarks from people at school, or in the street, or just over all straight people who don't even know me, comments or views like these from other people in the LGBT community. It hurts.

I was in love with a lesbian once. And she ended up hurting me. But I mean badly. I was so madly in love with her, and she told me her feelings for me were strong, next thing I knew, she played me for a fool, and went out with her ex. Then her ex broke up with her, and who did she come back crying to?

Me.

Because I actually loved her. I loved her more than anything. And I ended up hurt. So please, don't thing that Bisexuals don't exist/are cruel/are using you.
It's like being racist.

Please look past your experiences and realize, that was the person, not the sexual orientation. Please.

[Ch****]

Thank you Saidye.

To Devin, I'm sorry to hear of your experience, but you have to realize that it was the person, not her sexual orientation. Many bisexuals believe in monogomy, others do not. You also have to realize that the same goes for straight people and gay people. Whether or not a person believes in monogomy has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. When we hear about straight people sleeping around, we never associate it with their sexual orientation. Hey, guess what, don't you know that their is a history that when gay people were sleeping around, it was assumed to be strongly associated with their sexual orientation. Gay people were considered to be overtly sexual and deviant. I bet you don't believe that is true...and those myths, by non-religious fanatics, have been put to rest. So why are you turning around and doing the same thing to bisexuals? I believe in monogomy. Haven't you ever left a woman to be with another woman? Bisexual women can leave a man to be with another man, they can leave another woman to be with another woman, they can leave a man to be with another woman, and they can leave a woman to be with a man. I do not see ANY difference in any of these situations. This has nothing to do with bisexuality. Straight people and gay people leave their partners to be with someone else all of the time. but we don't blame it on their sexual orientation. WHEN WILL YOU REALIZE THAT GENDER DOESN'T MATTER? You're giving into the patriarchal society by viewing that heterosexual couples and that men are superior. You are hurting us (bisexuals) and you are hurting yourselves (gay and lesbian individuals) when you do this.

To Betsy:
You make me both sad and angry. YOU are the problem.
I don't want my cake and eat it too. I am bisexual. That doesn't mean I want to date men and have sex with women. That doesn't mean I want to have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend. And that doesn't mean I want to flirt with girls but marry a man. I have NO IDEA who I will marry, so why would I know what gender they will end up being?I don't prefer guys or girls over the other, I more accurately consider myself pansexual. The discussion of to what percentages I like men and percentages in which I like women doesn't make sense to me because I simply don't view the world in that way. I don't even view gender as just men and women. I feel like every individual has different degrees of masculinities and femininities and I appreciate and enjoy that. I have the potential to be attracted to and fall in love with an individual without gender, sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation or these varying degrees of femininity and masculinity being a limiting factor. THIS IS LOVE. Oh, right, but you'll probably just call me greedy even though once again, that's a complete misinterpretation...

I do not want to "just have fun." To me, once again, you see men and heterosexual couples as being superior. You're not just hurting bisexuals, but you're hurting gay and lesbian people when you view the world in this way. You are giving homophobic people power when you are being biphobic.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE DENYING THE EXISTENCE OF BISEXUALS. Honestly, a BIG f*ck you. I exist. Remember that time when homosexuality was a disease? Why the hell would you turn around and say that bisexuals are just a big joke?

I have always been bisexual. Do not deny my experiences. My first experience was with a girl and it was in 3rd grade. I NEVER identified as straight, despite dating men in high school. Once I decided to accept my bisexuality, I was more open to just being with whoever liked me and if I liked them back, no matter who it was. The first woman I tried to be with was a lesbian, and she broke my heart. She was in love with her best friend, who identified as straight. I knew she liked her but I knew she liked me to. This beautiful lesbian would leave her best friend to hang out with me, just me, and so I didn't think anything of her crush on her friend. Once her best friend was willing to be more than friends, this lesbian dropped me like a bad habit and smashed my heart into little pieces. She had just been leaving me on the back-burner in case her #1 choice didn't work out. That was really fucked up of her, but I'm not about to say it had anything to do with any identity she has, rather, it was this individual. If I didn't really care about this girl, instead of 'just having some fun,' why would I let myself become so attached and get so hurt?

Straight people had believed for decades that gay woman were only with other woman because men pissed them off. That is prejudiced and has been scientifically been proven to be wrong. Sexual orientation is not a reaction to men. By supporting this, you not only have forgotten the history of prejudices against lesbians, but you also once again, give into the patriarchy, that woman only date woman as a reaction of men. If this isn't how you view your sexuality, don't view mine that way! My sexual orientation has NOTHING to do with my past experiences with men OR women. I've had attraction to both boys and girls for as long as I can remember. I just didn't know that it wasn't 'normal' to feel the way I did toward girls when I was little. Perhaps that is why it may have taken me longer to realize I was bisexual, but I have NEVER identified as straight.

Love,
pissed off bisexual woman and rightfully so

[Betsy_Lipe]

well that was long and ok you are bi....and you want to be with whoever turns you on at the moment. but I am NOT the only one that feels this way about bi's if you look at some groups on yahoo and other places they have lesbians only no guys or bi's. why do you suppose they put that on there? I don't mean to bash or put down it has just been my experience and storyies I have been told. By the way I NEVER cheated on my partner....NEVER!!! was with that woman for 9.5 yrs. I don't want that shit done to me I wouldn't do it to her. But she did cheat on me and cybered on the internet with some nasty alcoholic. I forgave her but I never really trusted her again. That was the sad thing. She had been with guys too before. But she is a nut job too. bipolar as hell and add and her kids too. but yea, I don't know about bi's much. And no need to get nasty about it. this is a discussion and different view points. We are here to learn and read and maybe help out others. So the big F*k U is right back at you....Christine. I am too damn old to play games with wannabe's. Just looking for a true, warm hearted, honost woman to spend my life with and enjoy eachother.

[Deleted Member]

So how can I tell if a girl is just experimenting on me or if she is really into me and willing to be with me if all goes well? My problem is that when I fall...I fall hard...and gaw I got burned. But, I am mostly attracted to fem girls, which also happen to be mostly bi's.

[Ch****]

Hey Keri,

You just gotta ask her, silly. When I dated my first girlfriend (who happened to be a lesbian), she was a little nervous about me being bi since she had never been with one before, and she was also nervous about the fact that I had never dated a girl before too. Which is understandable. She asked me what I was looking for, and I told her honestly that I wanted a girlfriend and when I date people, I don't play games and I tend to be in long-term relationships. Most of my relationships have been between 6 months and 2 years and I told her that I don't see a difference in gender. She had a good feeling about me, so she trusted me. Hopefully if you ask a woman their deal, they will be honest. I've talked to many bisexual women (and lesbian women) who were honest with me about the fact that they are "new" to being with girls, and I always appreciate their honesty. There certainly is a HUGE difference between someone who identifies as bisexual and has never had a girlfriend and someone who says they're bi-curious. I myself am very cautious about girls who say they are bi-curious. I won't want someone making out with me and then saying, okay, thanks, see ya! You really just have to talk to them for a while and hope that you form a trust and ask them how they identify and what they are looking for. Hopefully they'll be honest with you whether they are only looking for a hook-up to see how they feel, or if they truly want something serious.

[Ch****]

Betsy, just because you're not the only person that feels that way, doesn't make it right. You should know that.

I've never cheated on any of my partners either...

Discussions are fine, but when you bash, that's just not cool.

Thanks for calling me a wannabe...(i'm sorry, is that also just friendly discussion again? hah. No, that's bashing once again. That's like saying "i'm not racist, but you're the [n-word]." That's not how discussions work. I have the right to stick up for my people, too. Wannabe of what anyways? I don't want to be anyone that isn't me. So I don't even know what you're talking about and that didn't make any sense. I'm not playing games, you're playing with my life and I don't appreciate that.

I am also looking for a true, warm hearted, honost person to spend my life with and enjoy eachother.

[Ne****]

But someone can be bi-curious because they never had a girlfriend too, even if you are more attracted to girls, and only made it with guys soo far in your life. Soo you are curious about your own sexuality in some way, and want to know if you are only bisexual or totally lesbian. That's kinda how I am right now... I doesn't know how to approch someone at all, im quite shy, but Id have the guts to go tell her she's cute or soo. Lil complicated heh ! But in the end, I know what I want for myself, soo the choice will be toward the direction ive chosen. Girls all the way !

[Ashlynn_O's***]

I gotta say that I agree with you, Christine. Who a person ends up with doesn't necessarily tie into their sexuality, nor their preference. The girl I fell hardest for was bisexual. She currently identifies as straight, but that's probably more so for her family on her myspace than anything else. I've seen it change between bisexual and heterosexual at least thrice before this, though; personally, I don't get it, but it's her choice.

Also, not all bisexuals cheat on their partners. Some do, some don't. It depends on the person, not their sexuality. That's like saying that men will cheat at least once in their lifetimes. The saying cannot be true for all. My grandfather has never cheated on any of his partners; if he did, my mother would know. Really, it just depends on the person, as each and every one of us are different, and that is what makes us unique.

Keri, I have the same problem. :\ With falling hard, I mean. But like Christine said, just ask. Most of the time, a lady will be honest with you.

Personally, I normally don't think about things like that, so when the question comes along, I say how I'm feeling at that moment. Once I have time to think about it, and maul over what I think, my feelings and thoughts may change. Nine times out of ten, I may tell and ask other people about it for feedback, to make sure it's not just a spur of the moment feeling, nor a prejudiced one. Then I write about it; normally when I write about something, all of my thoughts pull themselves together. Before I can talk with the one who asked the question, though, they might read it and take it the wrong way. That generally tends to be my problem. :\ But anyway. . .

[Betsy_Lipe]

ok I did not call you a wannabe...I said some wannabe's not referring to you or anyone else on here. There are some that okay are curious. But do I want to be the one to show them so they can just up an leave me later cuz it isn't for them? I don't want that kind of trouble or heartache. I don't think all bi's cheat either. I said some work out but most of what I READ AND HEARD....they end up with a guy in the end. That is not saying ALL do that. I know a couple that on is totally lesbian and the other is bi.....in the beginning of the relationship it was very rocky cuz the bi wanted to go out and be with a guy now and then. How is one supposed to deal with that? Let her go and do it and come back til next time? Well they fought over it and finally they calmed down and they are still together. So some work and some don't. I do know however there are players out there that do want both and someone ends up getting hurt because of it. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a woman knowing she been with a man shortly before being with her. Especially if no protection was used.....if you get my drift..... I didn't mean to offend your bisexuality....so lets calm it down a bit and see where we can get with this....

[Ashlynn_O's***]

Mmmm. . . To be frank, and, referring to a statement in your previous post, Betsy, about how some lesbians say "No men, no bi's". . . Well, it's simple, really. Bisexuals are just as the root word "bi" states, and most lesbians merely do not want to deal with that, nor worry about it.

I can understand your reasoning though, but meh.

[Betsy_Lipe]

okay.... ty for the input....I really think it's the guy thing though. I mean lesbians don't really want to have a woman after being with a guy....I mean you know the whole thing connected with that. My ex met a guy and invited him to her house for a week and had sex with him without protection and it just went all over me and then she begged me to take her back that he made her feel nasty and disgusting. I didn't really believe her and she promised she would get tested for hiv and I didn't have to touch her til we were sure she was clean. I couldn't touch her for a long time. I couldn't make love to her and when I tried It would hit me. I cried because of it. It hurt me deep.

[Ashlynn_O's***]

. . . Ouch. This is kinda why I can be thankful that Delissa and I never dated. Otherwise. . . *shudders* Eew. . . Guys were alllll over her when they dated; it was evident in the pictures. Thinking about how close they were else where makes me cringe. *Ahem* But that's irrelevant to the current topic.

Oh, that's what I meant by them not wanting to deal with it. Sure, we lesbians can deal with another girl, but when a guy comes into the picture? Well, most of us are kinda clueless and don't know how to compete. Why lie? Plus there's always the "he'll always have something that I don't" (naturally, I mean, unless you're a hermaphrodite) thought. And that sucks. We girls normally tend to be pessimists, and most of us hold back A LOT, and needless to say, that doesn't help matters, either.