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Shance_McBean

A 2 O Clock In the Morning Creative Rant :) - Poetry Group

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Shance_McBean
Posted

I don't actually mean any of this tbh. My heart's never been broken, and I'm not sad and lonely. In fact I have no clue why I wrote this! aha, oh well, enjoy



The delicacy of a tree is tantamount to the delicacy of a heart.
Just look what happens when you put a saw to the bark.

Though rough on the outside and tough on the in,
The leaves still bow, profusely, to the wake of the wind.

Shed are our leaves, naked of emotion. Void of sound.
The cold can now get in, listen to me! Hear me pound
On the walls of my prison, the bars of my hell,
The silence is hissing and I’m unable to tell
Whether the still will ever move
Or the frozen ever thaw.
Will the clouds always cover?
Will my wounds remain sore?
Do I hold on to this emptiness?
Or I do let go of it all?

I’m trapped: my life is no more.


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Roger_Ferris
Posted

love the feeling,the general mood,even if a little disjointed,keep up the good work...xxxroger


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Shance_McBean
Posted

thanks glad you spotted that it was disjointed. that was my intention when I wrote it. the more I screwed with the syllables per line, the punctuation and the general structure the more 'in a mess' the voice's psychological temperament would come across :'P plus because it's disjointed the tempo increases towards the end which just adds to the whole sense of panic I was trying to achieve.


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Posted

Wow I really liked the flow of that Shance. Lots of thoughts there.
I like the beginning of the tree thing there. You can actually branch off and make 2 poems out of that.
Poetry to me is part of our subconscious coming out and that is why I believe helps us to understand ourselves but a teacher taught me this once.
She said write what comes to your mind then go back and use the other part of your brain to make it cohesive. So you a have a wonderful start to two poems here. Even the way out poems of famous poets have a full meaning wrapped up in all their confusion. We just have to find it. Hope you see what I mean. I like both parts too. You've got rhythm baby!!


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