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Jacci_Harris

What Age Is Appropriate?!? - The Gay Christian Network

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Jacci_Harris
Posted

Ok ladies... Maybe it's just me, but I hope not. What age is it appropriate to come out? Especially if you aren't completely sure? I know what worked for me, but guiding someone else is totally different! What do you think??


Posted

The age to come out is 15 years old and older. it is up to you if you went to come out and tell someone. I am out at the age of 46 years old. If you need to talk just let me know and we can talk about it.


Ariel091
Posted

I think whatever age you feel comfortable is the appropriate time. You can't put an age limit on the way you feel. I've heard of some people comin out at 13 and some when they're 50, it really just depends on the person.


Posted

Good advice, Ariel. I totally agree. The right time is whenever it feels right to you.


Susan_Duviella
Posted

I agree with Ariel and Ian. I don't think there is or should be a set age for coming out. It depends on maturity level and the ability to understand what's happening. I know of some who have come out as early 9 with a great maturity level and understanding. Some in their 20's and 30's for reasons of their own. When you're ready, you're ready.


Posted

Steady Comes Steady ....... have people that will love you for no matter what, because their's always those few people that want to start junk with me.... so when you're ready


Posted

ok imma speak on this as my own motherly opinion...I have a 14 yr old...n i thank God everday her thoughts are not bout kissin boys or girls jus yet...but as a mom i have taught her wat comes first which is school...responsibilities at home n enjoyin her teenage yrs...now sum moms are kool wit a 12 or even a 13yr old makin up their own minds but dats to each its own but i will not permit my daughter to make dat decision until i kno she can b responsible enuff n understand dis is a cruel world...no matta how much we wanna protect dem this world is cruel but who u have around can make it a betta place...so i dont think theres an appropriate age persay but i feel its a teen n parents decision to understand one another n to be ready to face da world as well as acceptin demselves....but this is my opinion cuz of how we are raising both our daughters..now we have had great convos wit our teen n she is very open wit me (biological mommy) bout sex n her crushes n etc but like i sed to each its own n i pray other teens have moms dat understand!!!


Posted

Oh, Love, I so wish other teens had moms like you! Unfortunately, we hear the "horror stories" on here, and in gay teen groups and websites all too often. :-(

Parents who throw kids out for being gay, parents who beat kids up for being gay, parents who simply don't care, and allow their kids to be raped and abused by step-fathers and "uncles". Some of them (imho) don't deserve to have kids.

I pray that your daughter appreciates how blessed she is to have a mom who cares, and is prepared to listen.


Posted

TY Ian...i grew up wit my dad who i am so much like ya kno...but i jus kno there are alot of teens who suffers thru all dis n all i can do is make sure mines will always kno she can come to me...n even her friends have grown on me so i pray they too can come to me if ever ya kno...but TY Ian so much


Posted

I don't think there is an appropriate age to come out. It is up to that individual, their background and their comfort zone. It took me 37 years to make that decision. I wish I had done it sooner, but like most, was afraid.

I'm working with a group of teenagers right now and we are discussing this very subject. I have referred several to the HRC which has a great "coming out" section. Questions answers and help.


Posted

I knew how i worked since the beggining. It just took me till 24 to not be affraid of the reprocussions.....despite the fact that half a year later they are still going on. I think appropriate age should be relative to when a person feels that they are comfortable with any potential reaction and is willing to handle it regardless of what that reaction is or from whom.


Posted

When it comes to "Coming out", I think that One size does not fit all! That is to say that what may be right or the right time for someone cannot or may not be the right time for someone else.
There are a number of things to think about maybe more then I know?
Only the person he or she knows what the situation is at home and whether or not that coming out might place that person in harms way, either physical or the ugly reality of being "kicked to the curb" as many GLBTQ youth are.
Also there is a period I think when young people are not sure what they are as they go through puberty, they question everything as well they should and experiment a lot (Please do it safely) before they actually may know for sure that this is what or who they are for life, so they should cut themselves some slack and understand that there is a process of becoming before they actually know for sure that that is in fact what their sexual orientation will be for the rest of their lives.
I think the comfort of home and finishing your education should come first, you can experiment discreetly all you want, just don't do anything that gets in the way of you finishing High school or before you are ready to leave home.

After you leave home and have a place of your own, avoids two things maybe 3?
1) The lecture of "Not as long as you are living under my roof!"
2)Being kicked to the curb -which I think should be and is illegal in most states, but if you feel that you are in harms way or a abusive environment, then you should check out your options first. (Some kids choose to leave home, get a job and get a emancipation order from the courts, as long as they can prove to the Judge that they can support themselves and this is in their best interest, as they also still finish High School.) Please check your local states ordinances about this before proceeding.

And forgive me for pointing this out, why was the introduction to this issue, pronounced "OK Ladies"?, I think that was to some extent sexist in that you either didn't think it would be offensive, or that men would have no valid opinions regarding this subject, or were you just being "Campy'?

Please keep in mind, that many gay men do not like being called "girl' "_itch" "Mary" or "Ms tang" or "girl friend".

The small amount of time we spent in bed with others, does not define how or who we are the rest of the time we are not having sex, and we do not throw it in people's faces.

Just so ya know as I am sure you already do, but don't care.

In any case I hope that this may be more helpful then offensive.

I wish you all peace and Long life and a happy one.
Play safe though!


Jacci_Harris
Posted

Andre...Thank you for your thoughts and opinions... I apologize for the opening. This is a post from one of my other groups that is for women only. I didn't re-write it before I posted it. I didn't intend to offend anyone, it was an honest mistake. Sorry...


Posted

No, it's ok, sniff, sniff, I'll be alright. Thank you I wasn't offended, just misunderstood and found it curious, and now that you explain it it makes it all better, thank you again. I ask for your forgiveness and understanding because I misunderstood.


Shantel_Jones
Posted

I came out when I was 17. I am 42 now. I think it
depends on the personal circumstances. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it!!!


Susan_Duviella
Posted

Hi Jacci -
I see that there are plenty of responses and I have to admit I have not read them yet, so forgive me if I happen to say something that someone else may have already stated. You asked "What age is it appropriate to come out? Especially if you aren't completely sure"?
I personally don't think there is such a thing as age appropriate for coming out. The bigger question [I would think] is whether or not one is sure that he/she is homosexual. There are some people who are not sure until they are in their late teens, twenties, even later. And, there are some who know who they are and come out as early 9 or 10.
I would think that if one knows his/her sexual orientation it doesn't matter what age he/she is. I hope that makes sense.


Timothy_Tan
Posted

Yeah I kinda agree with Andre Zitouniadis and Susan. Honestly I'm very confused about my sexuality eventhough I've tried figuring it out. I think I'm gay but in denial, but even that I'm not sure whether I'm really gay or not. Although I'm sometimes so stressed out by it and feel like "coming out" to somebody but I think it would b best for me to complete my studies first, and I dont wanna occupy my youngest sis's (I think she would b most supportive among all my family) mind with the thought of her brother being gay because she's gonna sit for a major exam year end. Wow, this is probably my first time telling anyone at all that I'm possibly gay


Susan_Duviella
Posted

Timothy,
It's probably a good idea to just chill for a bit. Someone once told me that when I wasn't sure what to do about a situation, it was best not to do anything at all. This gives one time to reflect, think, for some to pray about it, and just allow it to take its course. There's no rush or law that says you have to do something about it right now. Give yourself time to allow yourself to feel what you feel. Eventually, you will know what you want and you'll be able to understand more about yourself as you give yourself time. Let no one rush you or try to tell you who you are.
The answers will come; you just have to let it happen naturally. That's just my two cents; for what its worth )


Timothy_Tan
Posted

I very much agree with you, although the application part will b though. Thanks for d advice!



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