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Erin_M_Ballantine

died once too - Poetry Group

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Erin_M_Ballantine
Posted

*this is old, but recently edited. always looking for critique on this one.

'died once too'

i will tell you, you are not alone
in the experience of your life
it is the way it tends to go
when you are someone who loves hard and openly
and cant avoid a friend in need
i almost died once too
i have internal scars like you

the things that cant be explained
by falls from bikes
or climbing trees
the ones that no one sees
and people who know this are so few...
but i almost died once too

darkness settled heavy all around
the music, pink floyd's 'dark side' droned on
'he didnt mean what he did,' i would say to this day
but he was the one who pushed me that way
and as my head hit the floor and my neck racked
i felt him push down on my back
i was dreadfully waiting for the snap
waiting in that split second for my neck to crack
i thought i would die that night
you'd think that would have been the end right

i knew it was wrong still i let him touch me
my body back then didn't mean much to me
and he kissed me like he meant it
and it felt like he owned me
and with his arms around me
it was just like home to me
we all make mistakes, we often repeat them
as he held me that night in his brother's bed
and on the radio played they might be giants
'i'm sorry. i'm sorry.' is all he said
so, i almost died once too
and i know it wasn't the same as you

and we have so much learning to do
let me share the learning with you
now it's one more thing that you will know
one more place where we may not be alone
i need nothing but me
and you need nothing but you
because i and me and you and you
almost died once too


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Posted

Erin,

"brilliant," i love this....rhymes and verse are very well balanced and u have captured the intensity of this subject,. and the descriptiveness in your words....wow, powerful.
"love it love it love it."

dont edit it anymore its really good.


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Posted

Having been there I am awed. I would never have thought someone could have put it so well into words. the belief that your so crazy you deserve it. that it is all your fault. that they love you and will change for you. that is what they say. yet they never stop hurting you. not until you love yourself. I am glad you love you. Welcome to the real world. Thank you. Amazingly well done. And again, Thank you.


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Erin_M_Ballantine
Posted

Thank you! It was a hard one for me to write. And a hard one to return to and edit. But it has always been important to me.


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