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Kelly_L._Sullivan

feeling overwelmed - The Gay Christian Network

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One new friend wont talk to me and I dont know why. One new friend wants to rely on me spiritually and i feel inept. There is too much going on in my life. With all the people in my life I feel lonely. I am grateful that God is my rock and my solice, but a companion would be nice. My bff and I are trying to find a house while living in a small trailer while we collect what we want for the house which makes it hard to keep clean with my pain levels. I am going to have to do a battery of tests to prove my physical problems. I hate this whole disability process. wwwaaaaaaaaaaaa.............wwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............. There are people starving and dying and living with war and I just cant get over myself today. so i reach my hand out of my self made rut and ask you all to inspire me to quit being a whiner, and get over myself so that I can be the person that God expects of me. Any Takers?


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Posted

Dear Kelly,
There will always be e moments when you feel down. Trust in the lord, everything will be alright


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Posted

Larissa's right, God sent you to this sitr for a reason ,you are not whining, you are breing human. Thinggs feel overwhelming now, but once the dust settles, you'll feel better, take care, good luck and remember, God loves you and so do we!


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Posted

Ya'll are all so sweet. I was thinking along the lines of Jobe, Ester, Ruth, Habakuk, the Psalms, something I could sink my teeth into. I hate this feeling and if it takes over who knows how long it will last. it's one of my ism's. It's a battle, not a passsing. And, it must be nipped in the bud. I don't have time to break again. I cannot afford that luxury. My kids depend on me. It took Callista years to get over my hospitalization at the age of 2&1/2. pray for me and verse me into oblivion.


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Dear Kelly,
Like Larissa said everything will be all right, sometimes, it gets darker just before the dawn, as if the darkness, is trying to claim some sort of stake on us and it's dominion over the world, but just as sure as we know the sun will rise, and the "Son-Shine" will light our path.

You also might want to talk with : Is an injury keeping you out of work? Call Binder & Binder® at 1-800-66-BINDER to talk about Social Security Disability (SSD) or Supplemental Security ...
www.binderandbinder.com/ - Cached - Similar
and see if they might be able to assist you.

You are in our prayers, on our lips, and we remember you and yours as the vigil candle keeps watch on the alter of our hearts.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYg0nEgTRZs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYgLsAIOS-8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdSRl5Sjew0


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hup6wQ17XRI


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4JG8j0dR5Q


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIO9KH3UC8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRB4pL6Xqy8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw

With out Doubt, there can not be Faith,

Be still and know that He is God.

Be at peace.

You are loved

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-G8IfjPAII +++++++++ Know that!

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Posted

THAT'S why Andre is our spiritual leader!


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A "letter" I am sharing with you all, because for some reason, I "think" in may either entertain you or help you in some way. some one from another site asked me to be their friend, a term I do not take likely
Dear Jerry,
I would welcome your friendship in the sense that I believe that it may be beneficial to us each in the sense that we may be able to, to a degree be a support system, since we both understand, that life, is ever, seldom fair, and that friendship and love carry with it both, that we respect each others boundaries, short falls and limitations.
I believe, although I could be wrong, that in both friendship and love, we understand sadly, that in being there for each other, we must also acknowledge, that friendship, love and life, all carry with it no guarantees accept of that of loss, which is one of the many reasons, people today do not like to commit to each other, in any thing.
I have seen my straight friends being bullied, bitched and bossed at, in doing what their female partners want them to do,.....which is one of the many reasons I am gay. No female will ever have a dominant place in my heart to treat me in such a way.
That being said, I also have witness, that many men, both straight and gay, are for the most part, nomads, unloyal and wanderers, that is to say, to some degree, that (this may either be a inherently human quality of both females and males), that both want what they are told they can not have and desire it all the more and yet when they get, attain or have it , then they are easily bored and look for other conquests and challenges.
Therefore their partners recognizing this put them on a rather short chain.
A thought which I do not subscribe to. I do not believe however much someone loves someone else, that should give them the power, to dictate terms to the other person, and or be jealous if that person finds someone else that can make them happier, then I am happy for them.

Both jealous and hate I abhor it, not only because of it's very nature is negative both does so much harm to every one involved, but I believe that we as humans, while we are may not like this or that in a certain person, should respect that persons liberty to do what they want so long as it does no harm to anyone else.
If you or I do not like someone, then we should avoid them, not confront them to change their ways. I read this once some where, it said: "Be nice to everyone, for everyone is having a hard time". Also I do remember where I read this, on a bumper sticker no less!
"Why do we kill people, to teach people that killing is wrong?"
I think we "could try" as long as we take it slow, and remember that most "friendships" are sorta like crossing a frozen lake, in that we must trend lightly and be sure of our footing so as not to brake the ice, before we reach the other side.

I hope some of this may make some sense to you, and yes, I've always been a deep thinker. I have read and agree, that a life, that has little to no contemplation isn't worth living.
But that's just me.

Regards

Andre~


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My dearest and most beloved brother in Christ, you are wise beyond your years. Ms. Marianne is right. There is a reason you are our leader. First know that our chat last night left me lifted and enlightened. My dark cloud of dispair was dispursed. Thank you my dearest one. Second, that letter is lovely and does hep some with part of my worldly problems as well as personal ones. Thank you is insignificant. I am so grateful for this group of loving souls and especially yours and Mariannes. You both seem to say the perfect things when I tend to seek to complicate the crap out of them and expect a bible thumping. (Assembly of God upbringing) I find it hard to take the loving answers like Ms. Larrissa's because it is too sweet and loving, and doesnt come with a biblical beating. I guess ya'll will have to teach me other wise. Please be patient. I am stubborn. (as an asset it is called determination) lol : )


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I think being "cautious" , is a very good thing, I have often said, that: "A heart too easily won, is just asking to be broken!: and I know that from experience!
They are predators out there just waiting for us, any of us, including me to stumble, and like they so called "friends" of Job, would have us believe that it is God's fault!" when it is just apart of learning. none of us, just one day, got out of our baby cribs and walked, without, a few tumbles and falls and the same is true in spirituality. the only difference is, one day soon, we will fly higher then the eagles ever dreamt of!


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Posted

You are in my prayers too sis {HUG}


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Beautiful letter, thank you for sharing, Keyyly, take care you are in our prayers


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Mama Brenda and Aunt Marti's house burned to the groud, the neighbors woke them up and got them out of the house Thank God. the propane tank exploded. with firefighters inside, 2 oxygen tanks exploded. Thank God they werent injured. the red cross got their medicines an some clothes. They are staying at Shirley's until the insurance can do their thing. They lost everything. Please thank God with me and Pray for them. one minute I'm crying and the next I'm Thankiing God. I have had a house fire. And, they are the two with 20% heart function that I ask you to pray for a;ready. I am not raedy for them to go "home to God".


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Larry_Best
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all things are possible with God. God was there for everyone involved and God is with you too!


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OMGosh! thats awful hun {HUGS} and prayers to you all..and Praise God. Larry is right, he was there


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I truly believe he was there at the fire. and knowing how loving and supportive you all are, I have already told Shirley, Mama Brenda, and Aunt Marti that you sent your love and that you were praying for them. I thank God for you too, as you have treated me as family since I joined the group. Thank you my brothers and sisters. I am truly blessed. You have no idea how much you have helped me since I wrote the overwhelmed comment. I just love you all for the support and love. Always, kel


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Sorry, I did write something maybe it got sent to you, but basically it sad that we must trust God in all things, not just the good but the bad as well.
I am very grateful that Mama Brenda and Aunt Marti are OK and I pray that they stay that way, but we must remember, that. Love God in all things, the good and the bad, for the devil wants your faiths to be shaken, so as hard as it is, being a Christian, is seldom easy.


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Because even after we passed, sweeping Bank protections and stop them and credit card companies from having longley and wrongly taken advantage of consumers, Did you know that what American banks do to their customers, is not done in most banks in Europe?

And now the banks and credit card companies have come up with new rules to circumvent the new protections, we have worked so hard for.

For two years, GOP leaders in Congress fought tooth and nail to oppose health care reform. They did their best to keep tens of millions without coverage, decrying any effort to help citizens as "socialist," "fascist" or some other equally baffling "ist."
Incredibly, now that they are the majority, their first act will be to vote to repeal health care reform that gives affordable care to 32 million Americans.
And yet, when it comes to their own coverage, Republicans in Congress are not only using government-sponsored health care, they even whined about having had to wait for it.1

As the Republicans are gearing up to appease Tea Party extremists and vote to repeal health care reform for Americans who need it, Senator Chuck Schumer is calling the GOP on their hypocrisy, and calling on them to give up their government-sponsored health care:
"It was a central value to us when we passed health care, and a central value to the American people, that members of Congress should get the same health care as everyone else. It seems unfair that house Republicans want to deprive middle-class Americans of the same health care as members of Congress but to keep it for themselves."

"Will Eric Cantor urge every Republican who is going to be for repeal to not take government health care themselves and to drop their existing health care?"2

I wrote this in To Defend the reforms we made in heath care,
so that GOP, should move on, and not repeal it, unless they have a better plan or make amendments to make it a better plan.
I've always thought that example spoke louder then words, this may have been a result of the number of times' I've heard my mother telling me, "Do as I say, not as I do!" which to me was one the height of hypocrisy, well, except for Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Jim and Tammy Baker and a host of other Evangelists, which I've always thought (no offense to any one here, just as every one who is of the faith of Islam, IS NOT a Terrorist, the same applies to Christian evangelists not all of them are hypocrites)Save those who spew Hate as do Westboro Baptist Church, would should be known as EVIL-Jail-usts. I, in my heart of hearts, to NOT subscribe, that freedom, in speech does not cover, saying or doing something, that you know is going to inflict pain, angst, hurt, angry or injury, because that is a action aimed at hurting others!
If we do not subscribe to this thought, then Bullies can say, whatever they want.
That is why, I am glad that many websites forbid, any language, that is hateful/hurtful or by designed, causes pain or injury to others, with threats and /or intimidation, inferred or not. That is why the Wiki leaks or other news outlets can and should not be allowed to release documents, that are in fact to some degree, the intellectual property of the People who sent them as well as a invasion of their privacy because it endangers untold others, not only in the line of fire or harms way, but jeopardizes peace and negotiations.

Change is never easy, and many times for most not only is it hard, but at times, seems down right impossible.

Sorry For posting it here, I am not sure how to begin another Thread.

But if I may, this does have a bearing on Mama Brenda and Aunt Marti, because as I understand, President Obama, Access to Heath care should be every Americans right, and not just for those who are wealthy enough to afford it.


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Posted

Kelly, I to pray for Mma Brenda and Aunt Marti, THANK GOD no one was hurt, I'm sorry that happened, but their guardian angels were working overtime. You are all in our prayers, take care


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Posted

Thank you

When thank you
doesn't seem enough,
two words so small
can mean so much.
When a loss so great
can devastate,
your help, your prayers,
your love, your care.
So much destruction,
I need construction.
When you step up
It means so much.
That, Thank You
doesn't seem enough.

I love you both very much and I hope this poem shows you that I do understand. love always, kel


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In the words of the Ancient Greek Philosopher; Major Ditto, ditto dttio, et te Kel, ly (Jking) Not sure if this applies, but you loving pick on the one's you love.
0;-)&lt (A Angel at prayer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gg4zxY1vF1w

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That was beasutiful Kelly and now I ask for your prayers for my Cnogresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords who is fighting for her life today after being shot, please pray for her and her family, thank you, I know your praayers will be heard and answered


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Maybe nothing would have stop what happened, about the shootings, please don't anyone got mad at me for saying this, along with the health system reforms, (I know because I had been there, growing up gay and out in the 60s, wasn't pretty) But we should also rethink about Mental Hospitals, not as they were, but as a place where people with mental problems can get help, before their 5150.
There are prolly more people in jail, that should and would be better off in Hospitals, and the jobs that would go with helping them, keeping off the streets, clean, with medication as indicated fed and watch over. The Shooter, according to the news had bad mental problems, it does not make his crimes any less heinous, I am just saying, if he was a danger to society, and it was caught in time, this tragedy might (big might) not have happened. Closing Mental Hospitals, displacing the mentally ill was a bad idea to balance the budget, and you would think that President Regan would have realized that after being shot by a mentally deranged person, but no, about one week after, he cut them all lose on society and in the streets. I pray for all those injured, the tragedy and loss of life, but how many more people must die, before we reinstate, a good and caring Mental health care system? Just my view, sorry, not meant to offend anyone, nor does it justify what was done.
Many People with Mental Illnesses, are in Prison, where they get little to no help for their problems, and then are released, because the prisons are too over crowded.

A pedophile who seeks help before he or she acts to a mental health professional is reported to the police, therefore many DO NOT SEEK any help before they act out and carry out, what might have been prevented in the first place had they felt, that they would have received help before they even went near a child, and I am not talking medicine alone.
These people know they have this problem/illness, and they have no where to turn, not even after the fact, in jail, branded for life as a sex predator.

Please understand I am not defending their crimes, but I am advocating, a health care system that people can turn to, before they hurt others, in a timely way, that their (if they are able to seek help at all, mind you mental people are just that, and to them, they may not SEE or BE able to see, or seek help, before they act) but as the saying goes,
If we could save just one life, and in many cases many lives, if they needed help, sought to get help, and was refused help because, there was none because of budget cuts, then, we (I think) should ask God to forgive us, for not helping them, when they asked for it, much as I believe, that State Death Penalties, stains all the hands of a society with blood because they are/were allowed, and since forensic Sciences and CSI, we have found out that a number of people who claimed they were Innocent actually were innocent, but either the science wasn't available back then or there's was no funding or worse, for one reason or another, the evidence wasn't either allowed or presented to the jury at the time the case was heard.

www.boston.com/news/science/articles/2010/.../the_case_against_evidence/

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7213714n&tag=mncol;lst;3

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5153451n&tag=mncol;lst;1

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5153459n&tag=contentMain;contentBody



Now Imagine, what do you do, after a person is found innocent, after the "State" has been put to death?

My point here, isn't to justify criminals or their actions,. My point is to ask that we here as a group and a nation, to do better then we have done in the past.

Also (I know this is really gonna make you mad, but think first, Don't Not Our Lord ask us, Matthew 5:44, "
New International Version (©1984)
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
New Living Translation (©2007)
But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!

English Standard Version (©2001)
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

International Standard Version (©2008)
But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you,

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
But I tell you this: Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.

King James Bible
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"?,..........So Yes Please pray for the innocent victims and the families, but I beg you, please by the saving Blood of Our Lord, Pray also for the one(s) will did this.
That we may be worthy of the name: Christians.

I am not a saint, nor can I accept the title of Spiritual leader, even if you tattooed that on the flesh that covers my heart, I am like you, a poor sinner, asking God to forgive me, and accept His Son, whom I believe, told the truth, when He said that "I am The Son of God".

I ask all of you to commend each other and their families, living and dead, into the loving and saving Grace of Our Lord, thank you.
Peace.

http://www.time.com/time/2007/crimes/23.html

Almost all shooting tragedies, as well as serial rapist, pedophiles, and murderers, and so on, have been link, in some form or another to people with mental illnesses, who either were in/on treatment or needed close supervision, and many of them also gave some (not all mind you) some indication of their intent. Which I have read that the FBI, is just now looking into, what this sad sick soul had wrote before he did what he did, either on or in his twitter and or face book accounts. and according to the news, just as in the Regan, John Lennon, and the Shootings at :

Virginia Tech Violated Clery Act In 2007 Mass Shooting
DENA POTTER | 12/ 9/10 11:53 PM |
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/09/virginia-tech-clery-act_n_794587.html

"RICHMOND, Va. — U.S. education officials are standing by their finding that Virginia Tech broke federal law when it waited two hours to notify the campus that a gunman was on the loose at the outset of a 2007 shooting rampage, and then sent out an e-mailed warning that came too late for 30 students and faculty who'd gone to class only to be killed.

In a report issued Thursday, the Department of Education rejected Virginia Tech's contention that its response to the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history met standards in place at the time for providing notification.

"Virginia Tech's failure to issue timely warnings about the serious and ongoing threat deprived its students and employees of vital, time-sensitive information and denied them the opportunity to take adequate steps to provide for their own safety," the report stated.
The department in January found that the university violated the federal Clery Act, which requires notification of on-campus threats to students and employees, because it failed to issue a timely warning to the Blacksburg campus after student Seung-Hui Cho shot and killed two students in a dormitory early on the morning of April 16, 2007. The massacre left 33 dead, including the gunman, who killed himself.
The report also determined that the school failed to follow its own procedures for providing such notification.
Virginia Tech could be fined $27,500 for each violation, for a total of $55,000. The school also could face the loss of some or all of its $98 million in federal student financial aid, though such an outcome is considered unlikely. A determination will be made by a Department of Education panel.
Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker said the school likely will appeal if it is sanctioned.
A state commission impaneled to investigate the shootings also found that the university erred by failing to notify the campus sooner. The state reached an $11 million settlement with many of the victims' families. Two families have filed suit and are seeking $10 million in damages from university officials. A judge recently ruled those lawsuits could move forward.
One victim's mother said she was glad the university is finally facing punishment for its actions, but she took more satisfaction from the inclusion in the report of actions that Virginia Tech officials took to protect themselves that morning. Victims' families had long wanted those details included in the report of the state commission."

If I have offended anyone, by seeming careless, or not sesitive, that is not me, my intent or who and how I am.

I just know, that these things will happen, well get worse in time and we, as a (I hope) a Internet faith based community, must do all that we can, to follow in His footsteps, by forgiven others, even when we can't make sense of the crimes, criminals, or even society.

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Posted

You are right Andre, she is able to communicate at this time, she is however, unable to speak, I do pray for the shooter and his family


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I so agree Andre, you expressed my thoughts exactly . I often want to put on facebook that I hope they' ALL rest in peace' when these things happen but im sure those who dont understand would have not been happy. And what you said about those who need help but are in jails- i want to add, when they are in jail, even the most basic medicines like insulin or thyroid meds are not given , let alone the meds for depression and the like. I know this first hand. And for those who dont know it meds for depression if not taken on a regular basis can and does lead to suicides and other tragedies.to explain about my experience it was a one time thng for me to be in jail jsut for a VERY minor traffic violation. even being put in 'suicide watch' i was NOt given my medicine for thyroid for the first 5 days (of 10 served) and NO meds for the depression (bi-Polar) I'm sure without God i would have ;lost it' in there


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Posted

I think I sorta can identify with that. Of course I was mad as hell being locked up in a mental asylum because the State of Virginia allowed it as did many other States up until the early 70's, but by then, it was set in my mind heart and soul, that I was a abomination to God, and a aberration to humankind. and that I actually deserved all the beatings and even some people thought that it was their "mission" to kill me because like other religious extremists in the middle east.
My first suicide attempt was at 9 years old, it's a fact (sadly I can't find the records of Cylburn Home 2201 West Cold Spring Lane, Baltimore, MD, because they would confirmed that fact, and now, I have on my left wrist, that oddly enough, would remind you of one of the wounds of Christ, I guess there's a message in that.
Also, I was sorta lucky, because I was arrested, 3 years after they (reduced the crime of gay solicitation from a felony, to a misdemeanour, for which a under cover cop arrested me, and I spent nine days in a Richmond City jail, I was put in isolation, for two days, because I was a "gay" activist who was on TV often about things, so they said that they were doing it for my protection, because they couldn't guaranty my safety in GP (General Population) when my public defender attorney came to see me, he asked if I was alright? My response: Are you kidding they did me a favour locking me up, these guys are horny in here, I am having the time of my life!) he wrotfwl, even before any one had knew what that might. Sadly, these are scars will never heal, not with time, not with my forgiven all those who hated and to some degree like a witch, was hunted.
I lost my job, my home, my car,........and no lawyer wanted to defend me because I as I told the judge,1) that the officers didn't read me the miranda rights, and 2) I didn't solicit the officer, I asked him if I could "Grope" him, he stated that he didn't know what that meant, so I did!, (I think that I should or may have been arrested for sexual battery but not the charge I was charge with I guess I was lucky, also that I wasn't charged with resisting arrest, but when the uncover officer tried to handcuff me to the steering wheel of my car, I fought with him, rightly stating, that I didn't know that he was in fact a officer of the law, and handcuffing me to the the steering wheel of my car was out of the question, until he did in fact produce a badge and properly identify himself as a officer of the law, he flashed his badge, and I again said hell no, I mean I need to see and inspect his credential's.
So it goes.
I believe there is a kinship, between us, Afro Americans, and Jews and everyone else who was then and even now, persecuted for who they are.
Those who are incarcerated, we are kin with them, but as such, let us reflect on the many times Christians, were chained, in jailed and thrown to the loins and other wild beasts as entertainment for the masses, that time may come again, before Our Lord comes back, so I urge you, remain steadfast in your faith, pray often, even if you have to do it from a book of prayer, as I do because when I present myself before the Lord of Creation, words fail me, therefore I keep the "Hours' of the Office" as a discipline, And to make sure, that my heart may find words, so that my soul may speak to Him, of whom King David wrote of.
I bid you peace and love in His Name, in a world of uncertainties,
Your brother in Christ
Andre~


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